How to Create Emotional Safety When Someone Is Struggling

Hey peeps, and thank you so much for joining me once again on the Lighten Up Project. My name is Malcolm Grissom. I am the stand-up CEO and founder of the World Laughter Organization. And today on the Lighten Up Project, we're talking about showing up for people in life's unexpected moments, you know the ones that don't come with the instructions or the pause buttons, especially motherhood. My guest today is Alicia Roberts. She is my well. She thinks she's my favorite cousin. She's actually,

I am. Let's just admit it. I am.

Ah, we we rag on each other all the time. We do, but she's she's a registered nurse. She has over 20 years' experience, and she's a manager of a small nonprofit clinic, helping women and their partners navigate unplanned pregnancies with confidence, clarity, and support. Alicia's passion is walking alongside families with when the future seems uncertain. They don't know what to do. Alicia is a support system there, and she is reminding them that with the right help at the right time, they already have what it takes to succeed. She's a wife. She's a mom. She's she's a mom of three kids. She is a cousin who is constantly teasing me about being bald. She is officially my next tool. Why not?

Watching now. Watching now. Watching now. Watching now.

Be careful. That's right. I, I, I have this written. I have these intros written for people, and with her and our our relationship, it's really hard to read that, but let's just say, bottom line, Alicia is she's a support system to all who needs it. She's a very, very, very dear and talented support system. So let's all just lighten up, and let's welcome Alicia Roberts.

Thank you, thank you, Malcolm

You're welcome. You're welcome. I'm

glad how you. I'm glad you like like backtracked a little bit and changed what you were gonna say.

Yeah, yes, yes. And hey, can you, God? Let's continue the laughter and join me in 20 more seconds of just spontaneous laughter. Sure, it's all right. Cool. So here we go. Oh

no! Okay. Are we done yet?

Honey, believe it or not, Alicia loves laughs, so I don't know why she just said. My goodness gracious! Okay, oh boy, that was good. Stopped in. Yes, yes. So, Alicia, tell us what is your relationship with laughter?

Oh wow! I think that I think when I'm in a group of people that I love and I connect with, and we're laughing and we're having a good time, I think that is for me. It is it is a joy. It is something that I crave. Just because I'm the kind of a person, I'm very people oriented, and so being in a group of people where we're laughing and having a good time is my favorite place. Even if I'm, even if it's not like a group of people, I'll take that back. If it's not a group of people, even if it's just me and another person, and we're just hanging out over a cup of coffee, maybe dinner, something like that. Just being able to laugh in our conversations. Just yeah, those times are precious to me because in the times that in our times today, it's kind of lost art. I would say for people to just kind of have a good time and not be so serious and not be so critical and cynical, but just having just a time where you are just enjoying each other's company, enjoying the time together, things like that. So, I hope that answers your question. It does.

It does. Tell us about a time when you a recent time when you experience just real, raw, genuine laughter, and what did it feel like, and what brought that on?

I would say, when I spend time with you, is would be one time work because that's who you are. I mean, you you brighten up a room. You make you make it easy for people to to like to laugh at things. You don't take things super serious. And so I think that the times that you and I spend together when we laugh when we do something stupid or goofy or whatever and we just laugh about it. I think those those times for me are really precious. And those times would be. So I would say the last time that happened was the last time we were together when we just you know I mean maybe we didn't laugh the whole time but you know what I mean like when we just we hit upon something that's super funny and we just we just laugh and it's just nobody's looking at us saying that we're weird or anything like that so I would say that last night we were with some friends and it was a group of us. We were having dinner and things like that, and everybody was just being goofy. So we had some really good laughters, laughter then as well. So,

so before we get into too too far about how you are supportive to others, we need to talk about how you support yourself because if we don't, because basically it's just like the airlines, you know. If the oxygen mask drop down, put yours on first before you put your child on. So the same thing. You need to take care of yourself, especially when you're dealing with things like you know unwanted pregnancies or something that has a whole lot of fear and emotions around it, you need to be in a solid place yourself. Be otherwise, you're you're not going to be very good, very helpful. So before we talk about that, I want to talk a little bit more about you. So when life gets heavy for you, and heavy you can divine it any way you want, monotonous, however you want, but when life gets heavy for you, how do you lighten the load?

So, just first of all, probably quiet time. I have a very strong faith in Jesus and relationship with Him, and so that's a huge part of my life and a huge part of keeping me sane and keeping me balanced and yeah and so first first there's that first there's him and then the second thing would the second piece to that would be just the people in my life who are my support system so when I'm going through tough times if I'm struggling with something, just being able to either text someone or pick up the phone and call them, and just to have that people in my life who I can go to to just kind of talk through some things, and then you know being outside, like when it's when it's the weather permits, being able to go outside and walk and just kind of get sunshine and things like that. I love to watch certain TV shows that really brighten me, like lift me up. I'm currently watching the show Shrinking on Apple TV, and that has been like an amazing show for me. It's so funny, and so just things like that. Those those things really help me.

And for those for those in our audience that don't know, and maybe you might not know this either. Well, gosh, what's the actor that started the Muppet? The um,

oh my gosh, what is his name? I'm. Jim,

anyway, him Harrison Ford. Him Harrison Ford is the he is the the master. He is the head, the guru, the head shrink. Yes, and this year he is also getting a lifetime award in Screen Actors Guild. They're recognizing him for all this work throughout his life. So I and I throw that in there because I love support.

Yeah, me too. Yep, he's great. He's great.

Where in your life do you give yourself permission to play and laugh and enjoy. And where do you still hold back?

Oh boy! I think, in part, in my job, my team, the people that I work with, we're all really, really good at like encouraging each other and building each other up, laughing, doing you know, talking about goofy, silly stuff. So, in the kind of work that we do, it's really important that we have that those opportunities where we support each other in that way. So, there I do I allow myself to laugh and just kind of just be silly, all of that kind of stuff. So, I do in those scenarios, I do, and so I have a god sister who has a daughter that she adopted, and her daughter, I get to spend some time with her. I drop her off at school, pick her up, some things like that. She's like five, and she and I get to like spend some time. I remember she came over one day, and we had a dance party all afternoon. It was just really, really fun. Kind of reminded me of when my kids were little and things like that. So that was really, really good. So those are times in my life where I would say that I really let loose, where I hold back. Yeah, probably in those times when When I'm struggling, you know what I mean, or when not when I'm struggling, I take that back. When I'm in where I have to show up for people, you know what I mean, where I have to show up for them and where they are struggling. It's in my job. It's most of the time we don't have those opportunities to when the clients that when we meet with the clients to like get really silly, you know what I'm saying, or anything like that. There are times, but so probably more when I'm just meeting with somebody on their on their terms, you know, and when they are when they're struggling and when they are when they just kind of need me to listen. So in those situations, in those scenarios, I would say.

What do you think that emotional safety looks like in real life? What would it look like?

Emotional safety, receiving it or giving

it? Receiving. Well, let's actually emotional safety as a whole. So both receiving it and giving it, what does it look like and feel like?

So receiving emotional safety would be like I feel like someone is truly listening to me. They see me. They're taking time to hear me, to hear me out. They are acknowledging my emotions, my feelings, acknowledging who I am as a human being, and they are, yeah, just meeting me where I am in that emotional in that time. Whether that be if I'm sad or if I'm happy or if I just need somebody to just just listen to me, you know, being able to feel safe enough that that person is not one trying to make make me into something that I'm not. You know what I mean. But or giving me advice that I don't. You know what I'm saying. Those kinds of maybe not giving me advice that is not warranted at the time, but just yeah, just allowing me to be who I am, to listen to me, where I feel like I can say things that, yeah, where I can just open up completely, open up, and then on the the reverse side, me being that or giving or being the emotional safety person, same thing, just listening to that person, letting that person be who they are, recognizing that they are a human being, and that I I am there just to to be a support for them, you know. And if there's an opportunity, and if they want to receive the things that, like even in my job, if they want to receive the information that I have, then I would then then I would offer that. If they want to receive the support, then I offer that I have learned to let people be who they are and love them in that space.

Yes, love that, be who they are and love them in that space. So, if let's take let's take a. Single person before we handle the couple, because I'm sure that's you would handle that different. There's more that was a little more complex. So, so just one person they come to you. There's something unexpected has happened. You work. You work a lot with unexpected pregnancies, so you have a single mother or a single female, not really attached in a relationship. It was just a one night thing. It was an unexpected thing, and now she is gone. How did you approach her?

Well, first I listened to her story. I listened to her story. What her thoughts are about maybe has she even thought about like what she would want to do in this situation? Like, does she want to keep her baby? Does she want to choose abortion or adoption? Those options are on the table, and so we just kind of talk through all of those. And the goal for me is to help her to make her own decision, not based off of what anybody's told her, not based off of her fears or what any of those things. So just to kind of get her to slow down a little bit and to listen to herself and to think about all of her options, right? And to think about the pros and the cons and all of those options, because in situations like that, whatever decision that they choose is for themselves is the decision that's going to stand, right? That's going to be a permanent decision, and so I think for me, that's the biggest thing-that just helping that woman determine what she really, really wants, and to be able to help her recognize that and be good with whatever decision she makes.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So, how would the process differ, or would it differ if you were dealing with now a couple?

Nope, it would be the same pro. It would be the same process because a lot for me, though, the thing that I've recognized is sometimes the main the guys are left out of like the decision, and they don't understand that that decision often should be made together, right? Because if a woman decides, if she feels like she's got to be, if this is all on her, it's a huge burden to be all on her. And so I try to, if I'm talking to a couple, try to help them both see that that this should be a mutual decision. And so I would approach it like from the fact that this is a mutual decision. And yes, I would say the same things. These are your options. Let's slow down and let's talk and let's give you some tools so that you can go home and you all can make a a decision that you both are in agreement on, or and that you both can, yeah, be good with.

Okay, so does play, however that however that comes out, whether it's laughter, whether it's you know jokes, just kidding, but does play ever come into this?

Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. A lot of times, there's times when when that definitely happens, just because there's people are nervous. You know what I mean? Especially if it's a couple and they're not like really a couple, like together or anything like that. You often find that there's a little bit of nervousness and things like that. So natural laughter can come into that. With gosh, like say one of them says something silly or something like that, we elaborate on that and just kind of go with it in in those situations and in those scenarios. So yeah,

have you ever thought of or wanting to approach a situation with initiating some play.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think of a scenario or situation where where that's happened. Yeah, I would say that there there's been plenty of of ladies that I've worked with that have come in and they're just kind of maybe they've have they have a little wall up or something and so they're they're being funny and they're joking and things like that and so then I'll go with that and oh funny there was a girl that came in that was when I walked in the room she was like laying on the couch just like laid out on the couch, and so we were talking, and I'm like, I was like, so, so, how's everything going? She goes, I'm pretty cool. I'm pretty cool. I just took some mushrooms and a mushroom chocolate bar before I came in. So we just laughed about that. It was just so funny. And every time she would say something like, "You're okay now, right? You you. Remember when you're gonna remember what I'm saying? So yeah, so so those situations do happen. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Okay. What's a joy that you had as a kid that you are just now reclaiming, or that you have recently reclaimed?

I remember remember that summer that that mom and Robin and I came over to Hawaii. That is my favorite. Well, one of my favorite one of my favorite memories. But that's probably the big highlight of my life with as a kid. I was 10 years old. We came. We were there for two months. I remember taking archery classes and things like that. So just getting a just giving myself a chance to just think about that and just to reflect back on on that time. I think I've allowed myself to do that more and more. And then just the oper just the fact that we've had opportunities since then to to go visit Hawaii again just makes it even better. So yeah, so yeah, that was probably one of the highlights in my in my youth was having that those two months in Hawaii, spending that time with you and your mom was like great. So

that's something about Hawaii. It's it's very peaceful and joyful, and there's a lot of play, yes, and so that's why people ask me this all the time. They say, you know, urine before when I was in California, and then now when I'm in Missouri, you know, I end with aloha, and I say, oh, I'm from Hawaii, and I, you know, that I carry that spirit with me because, just like you said, there's a lot of joy in play and love.

Yes,

why? That's also

yes, it is.

I love to take that with me. Yep. So, what's the bravest thing that laughters ever let you do?

I probably think of times when I was working in the hospital, like especially in the ICU, when there would be serious situations. I know that there was a couple of times when there were serious situations, like either family members were were struggling with the with the sickness or the illness of of their spouse or their child or their parent or something like that. Just being able to sit with that with the family and something funny always comes up, and just being able to just be able to sit with them and enjoy those times, whether that be something funny that a family member says or something funny that I think about, like oh gosh, I don't know, or just recalling something funny about the patient, you know, that the that a family member would bring up. Those times have been yeah numerous where where that's happened because it's like the hospitals can be really, really serious, and so to have to have those times really helps the families and it helps the patients to get better as well.

Okay, so before we go to our game, the game that we play here at the Lighten Up Project, before we do, there are two truths and a lie. Before we get there, I have another one more question for you, and that is: What's one small habit that you do for yourself, or that you suggest to others who are feeling overwhelmed? What is one small habit that you or they can do to help keep them sane?

I would say, for me, I don't know. I mean, for for others, it's like I said. For me, the quiet time, and then just that time where I can stop and reflect, and watching the shows, like I said, the funny shows, especially like shrinking. That's just been my thing lately. And then, okay, I'll admit this: I do like to watch funny reels on like Instagram and things like that. Those things really help me, and I've I have told other people about those too. So I would say that those things really help me when I'm down.

Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. So here on the Lighten Up Project, we are playing our game of two truths and a lie, and now before the show started, Alicia gave me three things about herself, and now that you've heard a lot more about her, I was gonna say. Herself, you learn more about herself. Anyway, yeah. Now that you've learned more about her, maybe you can figure this out. So here are the three things that she has told me. One, her favorite food is mushrooms. Her favorite food is mushrooms. Hard to believe. Two, she loves racing cars. Again, that's hard to believe. I'm your cousin, and that's hard for me to believe. Three, her favorite exercise activity is jogging, so she likes to jog. Favorite food is mushrooms, and she loves racing cars. Bum bum bum. I don't want to steal the. This is where I do the Jeopardy music, but I don't want to steal their their thunder. So I'm doing TikTok TikTok Tik. Since you mentioned that, maybe I should go Instagram Insta. Do you want me to tell you? Are you going to guess at this point, or the audience right now? They're thinking, and now we're going to reveal. So. I'm not gonna guess because I probably know because I know you. So I would like you to reveal which one is not true. Is it she loves raising cars? Her favorite food is mushrooms, or she likes the jog.

I hate mushrooms.

He hates mushrooms.

I hate mushrooms. I hate them. And Malcolm, I have a fast car. You should know that I love fast cars. I have a fast car.

But but by the way, her husband drives her car. I have like once or twice have I seen Alicia drive. It's always it's always her husband driving. Okay, you have a fast car. I did drive this.

Well, because never mind. I'll I'll just I'll leave that offline.

Oh, I love this. Okay, well, Alicia, thank you so much for spending your time and giving us these gems. And my audience, thank you so much for tuning in and being a part of this movement and bringing joy and laughter to the world.

Yes, yes.

So please come back next week. We'll have yet another very fascinating guest and interesting. talk, but until then, please remember that every smile can open a door, every laugh can open a heart, and every step can be a victory. Until next week.

Thanks, Malcolm.

Bye.