Are You Accidentally Becoming Your Child's Inner Critic?

[00:00:03] Welcome to The Lighten Up Project, the show that reminds us that healing doesn't have to be heavy. I'm Malcolm Grissom, the stand-up CEO and founder of the World Laughter Organization. Let's explore how humor, heart, and play save the day and create spaces for healing and connection.

[00:00:33] So let's get ready to laugh, learn, and lighten up. Hello, my fellow light makers. Thank you for joining me on The Lighten Up Project. I am Malcolm Grissom, the stand-up CEO and founder of the World Laughter Organization.

[00:01:03] And you're not. Sorry, you're just not. There's only one Malcolm Grissom and I am him and that's that. But you are you and there's only one of you. And there's only one of these conversations today. So today on The Lighten Up Project, we're going to be talking about parenting.

[00:01:32] And specifically that one tool that you're using all day long, whether you realize it or not. Your voice. Your voice. My guest today is Jodi Hill. Jodi is a best-selling author, speaker. She's what she calls parent sidekick.

[00:01:55] She helps moms and dads become the loudest, most positive voice for the child's life. And let's be honest, between all this social media today and the friends and the isolation, the world around them, the kids are getting messages from everywhere and messages from nowhere.

[00:02:21] So they should get, they should have the strongest messages from you. Because you, these voices are what they're going to use to shape the rest of who they are and how they show up in life. Jodi's work, including her book, her book's called The Parent's Secret Superpower.

[00:02:52] And it shows how everyday worlds shape identity, everyday words shape identity, and they build confidence, and they build resilience in our kids. As a mom of four who's navigated life's real challenges, she brings both wisdom and heart to our conversation.

[00:03:17] So our conversation today is going to be about using your voice on purpose, making it the one your kids carry with them for the rest of their lives. So let's lighten up, let's speak about life, and let's welcome Jodi Hill. Yay! Thank you so much for having me, Malcolm.

[00:03:46] I appreciate it. I'm glad to be on here with you. Yes, yes. Glad you're here. Jodi, would you mind starting with 20 seconds of spontaneous laughter with me? Wait, am I starting? I don't need to. Let's do it. All right. You're already starting. That's great. Okay. So one, two, three, go! Continue.

[00:04:12] That was amazing. Oh, I love it. This is so great. Good. That means you're doing it right. That's amazing you do that.

[00:04:41] I think, you know, there was a, I was listening to someone, and his job was to be the candle laughter in the audience. Uh-huh. And, like, that's what they did. And during COVID, they shut it down. And the people who were the laughter in the audience, they felt their quality of life, like, their joy and the happiness that they had because they weren't laughing all day. Isn't that amazing? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. A little, a little laughter.

[00:05:09] And the, the thing is, I think the, what, what I find is a sad thing, I guess, or unfortunate. Let's go with the unfortunate. I like that word better. It's unfortunate that a lot of people, when they think of laughter, they look at it and think of a reaction.

[00:05:37] Laughter has to be reaction. So, in your example, you know, the podcast, laughter is the reaction to what's going on. You know, comedy movies, comedy whatnot, laughter is the reaction. But laughter doesn't have to be a reaction. And we can enjoy it and reap the benefits and feel good,

[00:06:04] like you just experienced and expressed. Yeah. Without having a stimulus. Yeah. So, that's great. Where, so now you are a parent yourself, a boy. Yes. Let's see. I have a six-year-old. Nope. Seven, eight, ten, and twelve. So, I've got a tween.

[00:06:32] My oldest is, I got boy, girl, girl, boy. So, I'm about to have a 13-year-old here soon, which is crazy to think about. So, let's talk about laughter and play with your kids. And let's talk about the different ages, because I know it varies, you know.

[00:06:54] And especially when you are approaching a teenager, you know, a soon-to-be teenager. Yes. It's laughter and play. It's hard, but it might be, and it is with some, the best way or the only way to connect with your teenager. So, laughter.

[00:07:24] Let's start with your six-year-old. Laughter and play. Yeah, you know, it's really funny how you talk about, you have to meet your kid where they're at, right? And so, what that looks like with my youngest is, it's a lot different. You know, I remember we had company over and she was trying to connect with him. And so, the way that they started laughing about stuff was saying poop after pretty much everything, right?

[00:07:52] And he thought that was, like, hilarious and, like, the best thing ever. And so, when it comes to me, like, interacting with him, like, for me, as we're, like, laughing and playing, like, how I connect with him on his level is he loved, currently he loves playing with Nerf darts guns. And so, like, we're having these Nerf wars. And as we're, like, running around and chasing each other, laughter's coming up. And, like, as I'm, like, tickling him, he laughs.

[00:08:16] And what I love about what laughter does to the parent-child relationship is it just brings a sense of bonding, right? I feel like a lot of times as parents, we're, like, do this, do this, pick up that, pick up that. It's time to go. It's time to do this. And that's all their life is. But when we can connect with our kids outside of the daily mundane things that they need to do and that they're not doing good enough and all this thing that, you know, all this stuff that we can put on them, when we can connect with our children at their level, which I think is so important.

[00:08:46] Like, it just brings a connection about. And I really think there's got to be something scientific about what laughter does to the human body. I mean, you know, you even think about, you know, in spiritual terms, it's like a, you think of, like, the Bible verses that talk about, like, a cheerful heart and, like, what it does for the body. And it's, like, when you laugh and you're connecting and having fun with your kids, like, there is a physical response that's happening, which is really sweet. Yeah, definitely.

[00:09:13] And just to point it out for our, you know, educators or non-parents out in the audience, I found that as someone who has been in the counseling arena in, you know, high school or, well, not, yeah, high schools, I guess.

[00:09:35] Yeah, high school, dealing with teenagers, laughter is, so it doesn't only work with parents. It is a great way to connect, period. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As I'm, go ahead. No, no. What were you going to say? Well, what I was going to say is, like, as I'm thinking about how I connect with my oldest son, the funny thing about what we're talking about is the way that he loves to connect with us.

[00:10:06] And something he enjoys listening to is actually, like, stand-up comedians. And he's, like, Mom, Mom, listen to this, listen to this. And so, like, that is a really sweet way that he is bringing me into his world and that I get to be a part of that. And, like, what I look at that as a bid for connection, right? Like, my son has something he wants to share and it's a way for him to connect. And so, he's playing these stand-up comedians and we're together, like, listening and laughing about it.

[00:10:34] And it's what he's into. That wouldn't work for my youngest, you know? And that doesn't work as well for, like, my second kid either. But, like, for him, that's age-appropriate for him that he loves. He gets the jokes and we get to enjoy it together. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Now, I'm going to ask an as-if question. So, I'm going to ask you to think about the future. Okay.

[00:11:04] So, he gets older. So, he's a tween now. And tweens, it's easier to connect with youngsters, of course, and then up to tweens. And then, when they start to get in that teenage years, then they're sort of like, well, I don't want to hang out with mom, you know, much anymore. You know? No, I don't want to play with mom and connect with mom and stuff.

[00:11:33] So, how do you think laughter would be a connector for you once your child is, like, disconnected? I think that's a really great question. I would like to say that I reject the premise of some of what you're saying because I think it's really important to think about this.

[00:12:00] Because as parents, when it comes to raising our kids, we can take on these beliefs that, oh, just wait till they're teens. Just wait till they're in the terrible twos. Just wait till they're in the ferocious forest. Just wait till they're teenagers. They're not going to want to hang out with you. They're not going to want to whatever, blah, blah, blah. Right?

[00:12:20] And so, we expect that and that's going to be the result that we get as opposed to an intention of how can I show up as a parent in such a way from them being a baby all the way to four, six, seven, eight, tweens and teenagers. Well, to tweens. That when they become a teenager, that we have such a great connection with each other that they actually want to hang out with me. And I think play and laughter is such a huge part of that.

[00:12:49] Like, if I can create a connection with my son now, which I have. Like, he still wants me to come every night and snuggle with him in bed, talk about our day, pray and sing a song that I've been singing him since he was like little. Right? But like, if you interact with him outside of our home, you know, he's like this cool dude. And, you know, he's about to be 13.

[00:13:14] And, but I've built such a great connection with him, meeting him at his level, enjoying the things that he enjoys. Whether that be stand-up comedy or he comes back from his dad's, you know, talking about the video games. And then we've created such a beautiful connection with each other that it's going to overflow into the teen years. Does it mean he's not going to be moody? Does it mean that he's not always going to want mom hanging around? Like, no, like, of course, like he's coming into his own. And yet, how we show up with our children now will impact that into their teens.

[00:13:43] So to answer your question, you know, there is a level of like, hey, I'm a little bit cool and I'm doing things with my friends. But man, if I can find those ends with my son, like watching a funny movie that he loves or, you know, again, finding what interests the kids and then doing that with them. So like, how fun would it be if I take him out on a date and we go to a local stand-up comedian club like here and comedy club here in Nashville, you know?

[00:14:07] And just like that bonding experience of doing something that he's interested in and then also laughing together, which is so connective and fun. And just like, I just see that relationship continuing to flourish. But I realize like not all parents have that, right? They all don't have this like beautiful connected relationship with their teens. So if they are feeling discouraged, like I 100% like recommend exactly what you're saying. Like laughter and play is so important.

[00:14:34] So it's like, what are the things that my kids are interested in and how can I meet them where they're at? I am so happy that you pointed that out and that you did disagree with what I said. Because it is very important how we approach things, how we as leaders approach things.

[00:14:59] The energy that we put out is the energy we're going to get back. Right. So if we believe it, not necessarily that believing that we're going to get a million dollars. Hey, not talking about that. No, but if we believe something like, oh, this is going to be a rotten day. Well, hey, yes, it is going to be a rotten day. Yeah.

[00:15:27] Because you know, your brain is now looking for everything that proves you right, that it's going to be a rotten day. Confirmation bias. Yep. Correct. Yes, we am. Very good. Very good. I love that. Thank you very much. Now, you call parents the most powerful voice in a child's life. Yeah. When did that click in for you personally? Oh, that's a really great question.

[00:15:55] When did that click in for me? You know, I think it clicked in for me as an adult, reflecting back on my experience as a child, being around my parents and remembering how they spoke to me. And, you know, there's some parts of my childhood I don't remember, like whether it's like so young and so little. But something that I always remember from my dad is like he was always proud of me.

[00:16:24] And like that has stuck with me to, you know, I'm in my 40s now. And so that's and then as I started diving into the research of the power of words and all of, you know, the things, whether it's like what science is saying about it. And then also seeing the impact on my children like that, you know, just solidified it for me. Like, wow, like we really do have so much power with our words.

[00:16:51] And so it's all it's been a journey and a process of seeing that, you know, whether it be like reflecting on my own upbringing or seeing how it impacts my kids and. And then doing the research and the science of like, wow, yeah, words actually like it's scientifically measured that words do impact our bodies and our beliefs. And it's just so powerful. Yeah. And with plants, I mean, I've seen it now.

[00:17:17] Granted, it's been on TV and kind of dramatized sometimes. And but I believe that I've even read about some scientific studies that how you talk to plants. Yes. Yes. It's crazy, right? So you've got the plant experiments that I, you know, I've come across. You've got rice experiments where you take rice and you speak to it.

[00:17:42] And then something that I talk about in my book is the water experiments by Dr. Masaru Emoto in Japan, where he takes water, separates it into two different groups. One, he speaks great kind words. The other group, he speaks negative words. And then he freezes the water and then looks at the water samples, the frozen water crystals under a microscope. And the crystals from the kind, positive words and thoughts and intentions, and it turned into beautiful crystals.

[00:18:12] But then if you look at the frozen water samples from the negative water sample, like it's just like blobs of frozen crystals. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The power of our words that it has on water. And then you think about how much of our bodies are made out of water. It's like, whoa. So what are my words doing? Are they bringing life to someone's body or are they bringing death to someone's body? Right? Like, are they encouraging and uplifting or not?

[00:18:42] And that's why I think what you do, like as a comedian, and, you know, it's so powerful for people to raise their spirits up. Yes, yes, yes. And so going back to being a parent and words, using words as a parent, one of the things that I talk about is I call it the inner bully.

[00:19:11] A lot of people, like it's, a lot of people would think of it, they think of the inner critic. However, there is a distinction between the inner critic and the inner bully because the inner critic at times is actually useful. The inner bully is never useful. Yeah. The inner bully is that voice that constantly puts you down, that constantly says, oh, no, you can't do this.

[00:19:41] You can't speak in front of a thousand people. You can't speak in front of 30 people. That's a good distinction. Yes. Thank you. So that's why I do a lot of talking about the inner bully.

[00:19:59] And there's a lot of, a lot of people attribute the inner bully to some, something that they heard at an early age, whether it's a lot of times it's, it's the teachers. I get blamed, you know, a teacher says something and opens up this inner bully that the child takes with them for the rest of your life. So sad.

[00:20:26] For me, it was my mother, really. And, and the things that my mother said. In fact, one of the ways that I got over that I not got over, but it worked through. Yeah, I worked through and I learned to use and recognize my inner bully is by giving it the name. So I called mine mini mama. Hmm.

[00:20:55] But anyway, I'm talking about me, but this is good. I'm listening. That question is about you. Right? So let's, let's go swerve around to you.

[00:21:08] So as a mom of four, what's the moment that you realized that your words could have or do have more impact than you expect? Right. Yeah.

[00:21:29] I don't know if I can pinpoint it to a specific moment, but you know, what I've come to realize that as a parent, so anyone who influences children, your words are so powerful. Just like you said, Malcolm, like it can be tied to teachers, right? Or coaches who have said things that are horrible that kids carry with them. So like everyone who works with kids, you have so much power. But the parent, I believe, has the ultimate power.

[00:21:56] And this is why it's because when our children are born, like we are the first people that they connect to and they depend on us. They depend on us for survival to live. And they also depend on us for who their identity is. And for like, what do you think? Do you love me? Am I valuable? Do you pay attention to me? Do you notice me? Am I important enough to you? Like those are all subconscious things that are like when you're born with that your mom and dad like answer those questions.

[00:22:25] And so just by birth, you automatically have been given the most important voice in your child's life. However, if we don't use it wisely, I believe that we can lose that role that we have with our kids. And this is what's starting to think about where, as you mentioned in the intro, we have culture competing for the identity of our kids. We have peers speaking to them. We have bullies. We have social media.

[00:22:53] We have all of these competing voices trying to tell our kids who they are, what they should be, that they're not enough, that they need to do this, that they need to do that and all the things. Right. And so it's how do we stay the most important voice in our child's life? Because we don't want to get that up. And, you know, what I tell, you know, hosts or whoever I'm talking with is kids will go where they feel loved and accepted.

[00:23:23] And if they don't feel loved and accepted in your home, then they're going to go elsewhere. That's why you have these kids joining like these gangs and because they feel accepted there in a weird, twisted way. But it's because what is it at home that that's not there? And so I encourage parents like how you show up with your kids will determine like where they go for that affirmation, for that love and for that approval.

[00:23:49] And so and what I like practically what I mean by that is, is your home a place where mistakes aren't something where they're shamed for, they're yelled at and all these things. But almost a place of mistakes are just opportunities to learn and grow. So they're still being held responsible for maybe the bad tests that they had or the cereal that they spilled on the floor of the kitchen.

[00:24:17] So they they're still responsible for that. But then it's not like of like, oh, my gosh, you are such a clutch. I can't believe you did that. Oh, I'm going to clean it up. You're so messy. You know, like, what is that about? Like, how does it feel for you when you mess up if someone responded to you that way as an adult? Right. Right. But here you have kids who their brains are still developing. And so when it's when we can come to them and their mistakes, you know, in this specific example is like, oh, man, I see we made a mess.

[00:24:45] OK, how can we clean this up? And what do you think happened? What do you think went wrong? Like, how can you fix that next time? That's a great idea. Let's not go running through the kitchen. That's a great idea. Let's make sure the cereal box isn't on the edge, you know, and then they get to take ownership for that. And there's no shame. It's like, all right, here's the dustpan. Here's the broom. Let's clean it up. And that gives them, you know, responsibility for their actions.

[00:25:09] But it doesn't shame them and blame them and make them feel crappy about their mistakes that they've made. And that's how that's just one simple example of how kids can feel safe and safe and loved in our home and called up. Right. Calling them up to greatness. Instead of making them feel like crap for any mistake that they do and just not a safe place at home. I love that, too. Yeah, definitely.

[00:25:38] One thing about leadership. This is how I lead as a leader in companies. But this is also how I approach like when teenagers and to a certain extent kids as well is that I am a leader. I lead from behind or next to, right?

[00:26:06] So I love asking questions to the child because that gives, yeah, that gives the child some, you know, accountability. Yeah. Ownership in this. And that's also like giving them some, what is the word that I'm thinking of? Giving them self. Like self-awareness.

[00:26:34] And like the ability to troubleshoot, right? Yes. Right, right. On their own. Yes. On their own. So it's not like how a lot of people approach parenting, which is like I'm the parent. I know we're going to do it this way. Yeah. You know, sure is the child and sure I'm looming over you.

[00:27:00] And I know how to do this because I'm older than you and I've been through life and all that. So I love that. I love them. Instead of just like lording over them and telling them this is a mistake you made. This is how you fix it. Blah, blah, blah. Like if you're constantly telling them everything to do in their life, when are they going to develop the muscle of like troubleshooting themselves? Right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:29] So what are some of the common phrases or words that parents might use unintentionally? Yeah. That limit their children or could limit their child? Yeah. And I think that's I love that there's so much grace in that question. Right. Because oftentimes we're just trying to do our best and it is unintentional. We don't realize that it's maybe the way that we were raised.

[00:27:57] And I think it's it can be really simple things like, oh, he's the problem child or he's so difficult or man, you're really messy. Or, yeah, he's just not the best in school or, yeah, she has a lot of trouble making friends. Like all of those statements. Yes, they may be true. And yet are those things that we need to be speaking over our children? You may experience part of that.

[00:28:26] Like, yeah, maybe my kid is really sloppy. But instead of coming into the room and seeing that the room is a mess and saying, you are so messy. Instead, what if you say, man, your room is messy. I know that you can do a good job cleaning and organizing when you put your mind to it. So let's start cleaning up this mess. It's, you know, such a different shift instead of like speaking identity over them. Like you are messy. You are lazy. You are not smart. You don't do good in school.

[00:28:55] You're the slowest one on the track. You know, just like speaking stuff like that is just like a death sentence. And how is that? Like, you know, we want to encourage our kids. That is not encouraging. So it's like, what are ways that we can use our words to encourage them? And whatever we speak to is going to get repeated. So do I constantly want to be saying in front of my kid, you're such a picky eater. You're such a picky eater. They're like, yeah, I am a picky eater because this is what happens to our words, right? Especially as parents, people of influence over children.

[00:29:24] When we speak, our words go into them and that starts to shape their beliefs. If I hear over and over and over again that I'm a picky eater, I'm a picky eater, I'm a picky eater. That comes to a belief in me, which turns into my identity. And then that impacts my actions. So if all I've been told from my parents my whole life is that I'm a picky eater, do you think there's any room for me to expand and grow? And like, hey, I can try new things that may seem a little off-putting at first.

[00:29:54] I can be adventurous, like stuff like that. So no, then I'm going to keep living my life out, just always turning down food because that's inherently what I believe about me. Now, that's a really basic example. But you can take that into other things where if you're having parents who are saying like, yeah, he's just not very bright. Yeah, you're just not straight smart. And so then you've had that belief, which turns into your identity, which impacts your actions and your actions impact your future, right?

[00:30:22] So if I'm walking into a room of other teens or other adults fresh out of college or even older, and I just have this belief that I'm just not really the smart one, do you think I'm going to show up in the room confident, offering ideas and being willing to make mistakes and learn from them? No. Like our words are so powerful and they really can dictate who our children become. So true. So true. So now let's look at the flip side of that.

[00:30:52] How can parents intentionally speak confidence and possibility into their children? Yeah, I love this because this is my favorite thing, right? So that's one of my superpower strategies is to call your children up to greatness. And so what I'm specifically talking about here is you can see something super small in them.

[00:31:17] And if you bring that up and you call that up in them, you will see them begin to grow in that. And so it may be something as small as I saw that you were really kind to your friend today. And I'm really proud of you. You're like, oh, near. I was kind. Or, you know, maybe they're not very helpful around the house sometimes, but they do one helpful thing. And you're like, thank you for being such a great helper. I see you helping. And I appreciate that so much.

[00:31:47] So what we bring attention to gets repeated, right? And kids love our attention. And sometimes all they get is negative attention. So that's why kids keep doing those negative behaviors, right? Because they get mom's attention. So if we can continually be calling them up to greatness, the little things or big things that we see in them and affirm them in that, you know, hey, great job cleaning your room. I'm so proud of you. Great job studying parts of that test. You worked really hard at it.

[00:32:13] Anything that you see in them that you can call up and out, it will just be so powerful. Now, let's talk about, for a moment, let's look at this question from the standpoint of a teacher first.

[00:32:36] And this could also apply to parents who have been speaking negatively for a long time to their children. And they're listening to this episode and they want to make a change. And now one of their children is a teenager.

[00:33:00] And I say that because with teenagers, although children, period, but especially with teenagers, teenagers, to me, and I'm going to talk like I'm the expert. I don't. I just know what I've seen. Yeah. That teenagers especially work off trust.

[00:33:28] And when they hear the leader, whether that be the parent or whether that be a teacher, teacher, that is all of a sudden switching how they talk. And now I'm making an intention to talk positively.

[00:33:51] And so they're very false or fake in their talking, much like fake laughter. Okay. People can tell when it's fake and when it's genuine. Right. So much like that, they're trying to fake this positive talk. And the child, the teenager, the youngster can fill that out.

[00:34:19] So my question is, how can parents or leaders, whatever leader they are, change their language without feeling fake or forced? Yeah. I think it really comes down to the intention and the motive. Like you said, kids are smart and they're sharp and they can sniff out an authenticity a mile away. Right? Right.

[00:34:50] So if I'm showing up with my kid in such a way where I'm just trying to say the right words and do the right things to get a certain outcome from my kids, like you said, they can sniff that out. And that does not build trust at all. So what I would encourage parents, teachers, coaches, like anyone of influence and kids, if they have realized that they have not done the best job using their words, one, it's never too late to change, even if you have adult kids.

[00:35:18] So they realize that they've not done the best job and they actually want to shift and actually want to change. Then that's all you need is actually a real desire to speak differently. And, you know, I even address this in my book, like after I share the seven simple strategies to raise confident and capable kids, then I have a short chapter that's like, OK, what now? And you may be realizing that you maybe haven't done the best job. So how do you shift that with the kids that you've been working with? Right. Whether that be your own kids or students.

[00:35:48] And it's simply a conversation. And it's so cool because you actually get to invite them into the shift and the change that you want to do in yourself. And so it can sound something simply like, hey, I've been reading this book or I listen to Malcolm's podcast. And they were talking about the power of our words to encourage, to build each other up. And I realized that I have not done the best job with that. But this is something that I'm committed to doing. You know, you can even talk about the water experiments.

[00:36:17] You can create your own plant experiment with your kid. Right. Bring them in on the process and just say, I'm and I think when it's powerful to own your mistakes and what you can do better. And you can say, like, I realize I haven't done the best job. I apologize. Will you forgive me? That one in and of itself is so connective, so healing.

[00:36:38] And then I'm committed moving forward to be intentional with my words, to encourage you and to call you up to greatness that I know is inside of you instead of tearing you down. Do you want to do this with me? And, you know, you have that posture and that shift like that is trustworthy. That's connective. And it's okay to make mistakes. You're not telling your kids you're going to be, you know, superhuman and perfect. No one is. But just setting that intention from a genuine place like that will go so far.

[00:37:08] Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, you mentioned in your book that you have seven strategies without because we don't want to mention all seven. We want people to actually go in and read the book. I wish we had the time for it. But can you give us one? So a teaser. Yeah.

[00:37:34] I would say one of the ones that I love to talk about, I mean, I'm talking about all of them, but one of the superpower strategies is to empower your kids for their own missions. And what I mean by that is think about the end goal of who you want your child to be. Do you want them to be capable and able to talk to adults, be able to walk in a restaurant and order their own meals, you know, be confident navigating the different challenges that life has? And for me, the answer is yes.

[00:38:03] And so it's important for us as parents that we actually equip our children for their own missions. You know, as a mom, I'm and as a human, I'm naturally a very helpful person and I love my kids. So I'm often more than helpful to often more than willing to come in and swoop and help them and take care of stuff. But we can actually inhibit their growth and confidence if we do everything for them.

[00:38:29] And so I just took my kids to Chipotle last week and, you know, you go up to the counter and you order your bowl or whatever you want. And then they take you down and you get to pick all the different toppings that are in the bowls. Well, guess who orders all of my kids toppings? They do. I empower them to speak to the adult, say, yes, I'd like the Pico. Yes, I'd like the sour cream. And it may seem so simple.

[00:38:57] But when we can take these little opportunities and let our kids step in and learn, they get they got to watch me how to do it. Then they got to do it themselves. Then they feel empowered knowing that, hey, I did this here. So now when maybe I'm walking into a store by myself, I know how to talk to the adult. And, you know, it's just a lot of different things. So, you know, you have a teenager and they have a doctor's physical that they need to schedule. Well, like let them make the call or for me growing up.

[00:39:28] True story. I mean, all my stories are true, but this really happened where I got my car when I was 18 and I was actually afraid of pumping my car up with gas. And the reason was is I had never been showed by my parents that I could remember. Maybe they showed me, but I had no idea how to do it. I just saw buttons and sometimes there's a metal thing to lift up with the handle nozzle thing.

[00:39:53] And so I was completely scared, like to literally like pump my gas because it was such an unknown for me. And I hadn't been equipped how to do it. But like on the flip side, I remember being in the airport with my dad and I was a young girl. And airports are big and confusing and or they can be right.

[00:40:11] But I remember my dad slowing down and taking the time to pull out our paper boarding passes back in the day, pull out the boarding pass and be like, hey, do you see this number here? Do you see these big screens here? This is where you find your flight. This is where you find what part of the airport you need to go to. This number here is your baggage claim. And then when we go downstairs, you'll look at the signs. They're all labeled.

[00:40:39] And I never had a problem navigating an airport, especially on my own as I began to travel and stuff like that. Like if you ask someone, would you be more scared about traveling in an airport by yourself or pumping your car up with gas? The answer for me would have been pumping my car up with gas. Because my dad had gone out of his way to equip me to do the things and to learn and understand on my own.

[00:41:01] And when we can do that for parents and not just do everything for them, you will see a confidence and capability begin to arise in your kids. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And beautiful examples as well. And I want to add to what you just answered that.

[00:41:22] Because when you first said that, that sparked me about mission and my mission in life and whatnot. And so now I'd like to give our listeners and you as well an idea of what happens when parents don't support that. So for me, my father was both my parents.

[00:41:51] Both mainly my father. Mainly my father because I didn't have a good relationship with my mother. So mainly my father, he was a working man. She was a working man, worked at the zoo nine to five jobs. And when I was in college, that's when I first, that's when I really started. I wanted to pursue stand-up comedy.

[00:42:21] I wanted to be an entrepreneur there. You know? I wanted, and that's not a nine to five life. But his response to me was always, well, what's wrong with the nine to five life? What's wrong with you? Can I interest you good to do this? Right? And he dampened that mission.

[00:42:45] And he got me to working this nine to five job and in that nine to five mentality. And it wasn't until I was, gosh, it's this year. So it wasn't until I was 56. Yes, I have 56. You're 56. You did not look 56. What?

[00:43:10] Not until I'm 56 did I come up with the mission that I really want to do in life, which is not just, not just make people laugh, not just entertain them, not be a stand-up, touring stand-up comic and all that.

[00:43:29] But I want to, I'm establishing the world laughter organization, which is bringing the power of laughter and play and humor to, and how it relates to personal development and healing and dealing with and overcoming. Again, not overcoming, but just dealing with and working on mental health issues.

[00:43:59] And this is, and this is, so my mission. I'm finally starting my mission. I'm finally starting my mission now at 56, right? Right. Which, imagine if my father hadn't told me that. Yeah. What could have happened when I was, I was still in college, so I wasn't a young youngster, but I was in college.

[00:44:28] What could have happened had I really pursued my passions back then? Right. Could I be now? Where could the world be based on the gifts that I brought into the world? Right. And that's why it's so powerful as people of influence, as a teacher or a parent to breathe life.

[00:44:53] I mean, like, this has been something that you have carried with you for over, like, 50 years, where you have this passion for comedy, right? You have this passion for lightness and for healing that, like, it hasn't gone away. It was with you back when you were a teenager, right? And so, like, you had this calling and this gift on you that was squelched and delayed for a time because of the power of words that your dad spoke over you.

[00:45:21] And it sounds like it was, it almost sounded like he took offense to your, and was like, what's wrong with the nine to five? It's like, nothing's wrong with it. There's no shame for you doing that, but this isn't what I want to do. But he let that get in the way where now you're in your 50s and finally doing and going for it, which is great.

[00:45:42] And now you can use this as a story, so it's not completely admitting, but yeah, it's so powerful how we encourage and motivate and demotivate and squelch people's dreams and their passions. Now, we've been talking a lot about the everyday situations. How can parents stay intentional with their words during those stressful and emotional moments?

[00:46:12] I mean, we never have those as parents, right? Like, I never lose my cool. I'm never stressed out with my kids. Never. Never. You look like you have it all under control, Jodi. Totally do. I am a perfect person. Nope. Oh my gosh. I have so many stories where I got to learn from my mistakes. So this is what is helpful for me and what I would encourage other parents.

[00:46:40] I feel like we make the biggest mistakes when we don't, when we're not regulated and we aren't calm. And so oftentimes when a situation arises and we just want to react, the best thing that I can recommend for parents to do is just to pause. Take a break. Take a breath. Notice what's coming up with you. Like, oh my gosh, I want to snap at my child right now. I want to yell at them. I want to tell them like, oh my gosh, how do you not see this mess that I just asked you to clean up?

[00:47:10] You know, and so pause and think about the long term. What is my end goal with my child? Is it just to shame them and make them feel bad for this mistake that they're doing? Or is it to encourage them and help them grow into a confident and capable human being? So in those times when we are stressed and maxed out, pausing before we react so we can respond is so powerful. And sometimes you just need to lock yourself in a closet for a little bit to reset yourself.

[00:47:39] So do that too. Me too. This, Jodi, this is such a great conversation. I wish we could go on and on and on, but alas, we can't. So tell us you have, well, let's see. One, could you share with us? I understand you have a free gift. Yes. Yes, yes.

[00:48:07] So the best place for people to find me is Instagram, Jodi Hill Parenting. But then for those of you who are listening and watching here, I have given my first superpower strategy away from my audio book and also in PDF form. So if you want to hear the first superpower strategy, I break it down. It's simple. It's easy. You can start right now to shift the way that you show up with your kids. There's that. But also included is my top confidence boosters and busters.

[00:48:37] And what I love about this is there are ways that we speak with our kids where unintentionally, we are actually busting their confidence. And sometimes all it takes is just seeing it, right? And it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't even realize that. And so that's why I created my top confidence boosters and busters. And so parents can see, oh, here are quick things that I can start saying and speaking right now that boost confidence and also bust confidence.

[00:49:03] So all they have to do is go to podcast.itsjodyhill.com. And I know you'll link it in the show notes. And when they go there, then they can get that free download. Definitely. Yeah. You just see the great thing about you, Jody, is and you just took my next question and your answer. You see what it was. I love that.

[00:49:34] So can you, all right. So you're offering, you're offering a bunch of more than one very simple takeaways for parents. It's like in your, your giveaways. What is one simple phrase or habit that parents can start using today? I would say what they can start using today with their kids is you can do hard things.

[00:50:02] It's really easy for a kid to come up against an obstacle or a challenge, especially if they're used to their parents rescuing them all the time. And just saying your kid, I believe in you. You can do things that are hard. And even just that small shift in the words can make a huge impact on the kid's confidence. Okay. So now let's talk about that's one for the kid's confidence. Let's talk about the parents' confidence.

[00:50:28] What would we say to a parent who feels like they've messed up and it's just too late? I would say for the parent, it's never too late. Your words carry power, whether your kids are two or whether your kids are 40 years old, right? You have power over, you have power with your words when you speak to your children. And it's never, ever, ever, ever, ever too late.

[00:50:57] I mean, I'm 43 and when my mom speaks an encouraging word to me, it still lights me up. And so it's never too late. And so I would just encourage parents with that, whatever stage of parenting that you're in, even if you're a grandparent now, if you change your words, you truly can change your kid's life. I love that. Finish this sentence for us. A parent's voice becomes a child's... Identity.

[00:51:26] A parent's voice becomes a child's identity. Too true, too true. Jodi Hill, thank you so much for being on the podcast, for now joining the Lighten Up Nation and being part of our global community to spread all of this around.

[00:51:55] We couldn't have done it. We can't do it without you, audience. You listen. All the time you listen and you support the podcast. I am so thankful that you do that. Really, we couldn't do it without you, without your support. And please support even more. Please tell your friends.

[00:52:25] Please go to one of the podcast platforms and write a review. So helpful. It really is helpful. Yes. Yes. It is. It is. Go to our Facebook page, the Lighten Up Podcast. Yeah. Lighten Up Podcast Facebook page. And start a conversation.

[00:52:51] Let us know what you like about the show, what you don't like about the show, how we can change, how we can be better, how we can better support you and give you what you want. Because that's why we're here as well. And keep coming back.

[00:53:13] Every Tuesday and Thursday now, we have new episodes, new conversations. Sometimes it's just me talking about a topic. Very often, it's me having a conversation with someone like Jodi Hill. And I'd love for you to support this.

[00:53:38] And remember that every smile can open a door. Every laugh can open a heart. And every step can be your next victory. So until next time, it is I, Malcolm Grissom. There's only one. Sorry, but there's you. It is I and you in this together. Thanks.

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