Why the Same Patterns Keep Repeating: NOTICE | Step 2 of Seven Steps Back to You

Last week, you left us with a question: What is behind a choice? What are you hoping people will discover?

I'm hoping that people will discover that behind every choice there is a reason, and none of the choices that we make are in isolation. They are all influenced by our values, our beliefs, expectations that we place on ourselves expectations that others place on us, and I am hoping that people will look at this from a point of curiosity to uncover the reasons behind the choices.

So once we understand the reasons behind the choices, what next?

Well, the next step is notice to notice the patterns that happen as a result of the choices that we make. So what I've come to realize is we all have significant things that happen in our lives, and they can be as simple as a difficult decision that we made, or or a disappointment, a success. They can be something traumatic that happened in our lives, but we all remember certain things. These events may feel like they're isolated, but they're not. Only through reflection, though, I've begun to connect the dots, and by connecting these dots, patterns begin to emerge.

So once we uncover the patterns, what happens next?

Well, what I've come to understand is that it's really our values that guide us, and then when we combine our values and our beliefs, that's what influences the choices that we make. And then with every choice, we create patterns, and then through those patterns, our patterns reveal something.

So, as an executive recruiter, you've spent years talking to and interviewing executives in the corporate world, and from those questions, you become a professional questioner. So, what have you learned?

Well, I've learned that we all have patterns. So when we're interviewing people, we go back to their impressionable years. So those those impressionable years where we where we we learn a lot. We start in high school. We ask about highs and and lows of high school, and we ask about significant influences in a person's life, and people give us such rich information when they share about those impressionable years, and and people will often joke and say, "I can't remember it's so long ago. But every time people go back to those years, in an instant, so we start there. So that provides the foundation for our interview, and then we work through 15 years of a person's career, and asking questions about what they successes, knowing what they know now, what would they do the same, what would they do differently, and through those questions, I'm able to see patterns emerge, and when I may, when I take what happened in those impressionable years and what has happened throughout a person's career, I can connect the dots from what happened then to what happened now. And always, there is a connection throughout a person's life. When people hear this, the candidates will sit back, or they may become a little silent. But often people have said, "I have never thought about it like that. And so it's been wonderful to see. We've even brought a few people to tears because it was just such a light bulb moment where people realized that everything was connected.

What's been amazing to me is we've been talking to executives who are 40 years old or 50 years old, and they remember their their teachers' names, coaches, and influences that these teachers and coaches have had in their lives.

Yeah, it it those those those impressionable years are really the foundation for not only for our careers but for every other aspect of our lives. So I realized interviewing so many people that that I had connected the dots and created and discovered patterns that I hadn't done it myself. And it was really through writing my book that I discovered significant events that had happened in my life, like my miscarriage, traveling and moving across the country four times, starting and and running a business where I created hats for for children, all seemingly disconnected. And but when I, upon reflection, looked back at these, what I realized was these events were all very much connected and provided real insight into what mattered most to me, and not only what mattered most, but really what was out of alignment. So I couldn't see it when I was living it. It was only going forward and looking back that I was able to see the moments and the that and the patterns emerged that made me understand what was really important to me and what was out of alignment.

So were these dots experiences parts? parts of your life-is that what motivated you to write your book?

No, because it was-it was actually writing my book that revealed these dots. I had been doing it. I had been connecting the dots for so many people, but I had had never really taken the time to to to connect my own and to really understand the patterns that my choices had made.

So so where do we go next?

Well, so what we've been focusing in on is is is noticing noticing the patterns in our lives. And so what I would the next stage, what I'd like to do is ask you a question: is to take three, think of three things that have happened in your life. Three things that have happened in your life, and they may seem like they're not connected at all. They probably will seem like they're disconnected. And what I'd like you to do is just let me see. So notice really isn't about remembering the past. It really is about understanding it. It's not about blame. It's not about regret. It's about self awareness. When we connect the dots and we stop seeing our lives as isolated events and we begin to see the patterns, that's really when we understand ourselves. When we really look at the patterns, and we're able to look at ourselves with greater compassion.

So, do you believe that if we start to understand our our choices and our patterns, that we could end up with more peace in our life or more peace in our art?

Yes, I do. But it it all does begin with self understanding, and so that's what we're going to look at next week. We're going to look at reclaim. So reclaiming the patterns that you want to maintain in your life and releasing the ones that you don't. And so to begin with, think about three moments that have stayed with you. They don't have to be moments that feel like they're connected. They probably will seem like they're they're disconnected. And then ask yourself, what happens when I connect the dots of those three moments? What patterns begin to emerge? And next week,

Next week, we look forward to more information. Next week,

Then reclaiming.