How Adversity Builds Resilience, Self-Worth, and Purpose | Jay Washington

[00:00:04] I'm Adrienne Giffen. Welcome to Now Youre Talking, the podcast. I believe real conversation connects us in a distracted world. One of the greatest gifts you can give your family and yourself is your presence. Because leadership doesn't begin at work, it begins at home. This is your space to pause, to listen, to reflect.

[00:00:30] Your journey toward deeper connections starts right here. My guest today is Jay Washington. Professionally, Jay is a Vice President Client Advisor with JPMorgan Chase, a mentor and a respected leader in the retirement industry. But the story we're exploring today goes far beyond his career.

[00:00:54] Jay's life changed overnight when he and his mother unexpectedly became co-parents to his 7-year-old nephew and 11-year-old niece after the loss of his sister. What followed was a journey of grief, resilience, purpose, and personal transformation.

[00:01:14] In this conversation, Jay shares how adversity shaped him, why comparison truly is the thief of joy, the power of abundance mindset, and the life-changing lesson of knowing your value and never going on sale. This is a heartfelt conversation about family, self-worth, and discovering who you're capable of becoming when life asks more of you than you ever imagined.

[00:01:43] Let the conversation begin. Jay, thank you for joining me today. I'm looking forward to learning more about you. And you've come from the finance side, but you also are a nonprofit and you're all about inspiring people.

[00:02:07] So tell me, tell me about over and above that, what your journey was like when out of the blue, you began co-parenting your niece and your nephew with your mom. How did that change your life? Adrian, thank you. Adrian, thank you for the opportunity to tell this story. It did change my life. It was incredibly life-changing.

[00:02:32] And it turned me into a person I did not honestly know I had the capability of being. And it really couldn't have come more out of the blue. I believe it was January 3rd of 2020 was the year that this journey began. And I remember my phone lit up. It was about three o'clock in the morning. I had some friends in from Europe visiting. They've been there for the new year. You know, I saw a missed call from my mom. I didn't think about it. And she called right back.

[00:03:01] And I said, it's three o'clock in the morning. You know, my mom is calling. This is something important. And she told me my sister, who was born with type 1 diabetes, had been in a hospital since the weekend of Thanksgiving, the Saturday of Thanksgiving. And so while she had been sick, the expectation was, as the doctor said to my mom, it's going to be a long battle. Her body is tired. But her team, we're in this.

[00:03:30] And we're going to fight through it together. Well, the hospital called and told my mom that they found my sister in cardiac arrest and unresponsive. And by the time they found her, she had been in cardiac arrest for a little bit. It was between rounds. And that they were going to have to put her on life support. And typically in the condition she was in, they give it seven days and then we have to make a decision.

[00:03:58] Because if she's not showing vitals enough to come off life support after seven days, that typically means she's going to have to be on life support for life. And so we went through that. And seven days later, my mother and I made the difficult decision that we didn't want to see her living. And we began our parenting journey. And how old were your niece and nephew then, Jay? They were seven. He was seven and she was 11.

[00:04:28] And they're now 13 and 17. That, what a journey. When we were talking before, you said, you know, when bad things happen, good things can come from it. And I think you said it more eloquently than that. But can you share a little bit about what the journey has been like? Yeah. So, you know, through any suffering or any loss, if you look hard enough, you can find the gift.

[00:04:58] And these children have been everything I needed. Because I've always done pretty well in life. I've been pretty successful in my career. I'm well-educated. Just, was it last week? I went to my 76th country. So, I had all the things. But I didn't really have a why. I was going through life, really just going through life. And I remember thinking, I'm not prepared for this.

[00:05:25] You know, I pretty much accepted I was not going to be a father. At the time, I was 45. 40. No, I'm sorry. 43 at the time. And I accepted that, you know, my life was that of uncle. And I remember talking to a friend and I just said, I can't do this. And he goes, you absolutely can. He said, I've been cheering from you for the side for years. And he said, this is going to be your North Star.

[00:05:51] And he said, all you need to know is that, he goes, you're never going to be perfect. None of us are. You make those kids feel loved. You make them feel safe. And everything else will fall into place. And that's what I did. I focused on being everything that I felt they needed because, I mean, it got me through a lot. You know, I'm a man of faith.

[00:06:15] But I had to toggle between anger with God and empathy for them. And I realized if I stuck with the anger, I was not going to be what they needed. And so I really, I put them first. And that was new for me. And it, you know, I could go, go on and on. You know, I'm one of the few people who will say, thank God for the pandemic.

[00:06:40] Because my sister's birthday, their mother is March 13th, which happened to be the day before that. I believe it was on a Friday that year, Friday or Saturday. That weekend is when Pennsylvania shut down. I went home. I was supposed to go to a wedding in Mexico. And my friend who was getting married, I said, you know, I should be going with the kids. And he said, absolutely. He's like, listen, I would love to have you here.

[00:07:09] Those kids need you way more than I do right now. And I went home for what was supposed to be a weekend. And I was home with them for four months. And I got to see that my mother was struggling because she was a mom who lost a child but didn't get to grieve. And I then had to help them. They lost their mom. Then they couldn't go to school. You know, their world was completely turned upside down. Yeah. And we made it through. And I look back and that really, I believe that's what solidified me as I like to say, dunkel.

[00:07:39] I became much less, much less uncle, much more dad. Yes. Yeah. Wow. So how are you? I know you talk about the process, but how are you different now than you were just a very short period ago? I have a purpose. I believe in myself more than I ever have. From a work standpoint, I stand up for myself like I never have because I saw what was possible.

[00:08:09] And I saw the person that I could be midway through the pandemic. I started interviewing for another company. Everything was completely remote. And, you know, these people, they never got to see or feel my energy in person. And we're on Zoom. And as I'm interviewing, I told them, I said, there's something about me that you need to know. And I said, my younger sister recently passed away, live in, I was living in Philadelphia at the time. I said, they live in Pittsburgh with my mom. I co-parent them.

[00:08:38] I co-parent them with her. We're a package deal. There are going to be times when I have to work remotely and I have to go to Pittsburgh. And as much as I want this job, if that's not something that can be accommodated, then I'm not the right candidate. And I'd never put my family or myself before getting the role. And I got that job. Wow. That was a monumental shift. Just a complete mindset shift, really.

[00:09:09] Because can you tell or share a little bit about that abundance mindset and why that's important to you and how you model that for your niece and your nephew? I'm really glad that you said abundance mindset because that's really what I've been working on the past few years. And the way it has manifested itself is that, you know, I said earlier before we started recording,

[00:09:35] no matter how well things are going, no matter how much money you have, how beautiful your home is, we're all going to have problems. And especially in my industry, one of the things that I would love, my larger than me from a work standpoint, is challenging people in financial services to stop valuing themselves by what their salary is, how much money they make, where they are on the leaderboard. And look at what you have beyond the money and beyond the things.

[00:10:01] Look at what you have in love and purpose and in ability and skill. And so for me, the abundance mindset has really meant getting up every day and thinking less about my challenges or what I don't have and more about my blessings. Going from a yes but mentality to a yes and mentality. And it's felt lighter.

[00:10:28] It's made me realize sometimes I look around and I'm very blessed with things. And I remember once looking around, I'm big in the fashion. So I was looking in my closet one day and, you know, I text a friend of myself, a friend of mine, and I said, I never thought I would say this when I'm looking at this closet. There's so much stuff here. It doesn't feel like a blessing at times. It feels heavy. And, you know, sometimes I would all say, because I would look around and I was like,

[00:10:57] is this stuff really making me happy? It's like, is it really making me happy? Or am I buying it thinking it's going to make me happy and it doesn't? And that's where the heaviness comes in. You know, what's the purpose of it? Is there something I could be doing better with my money? You know, am I valuing myself by the things that I have? More so than, you know, just the overall abundance and the lightness in life.

[00:11:27] And it's, it's, go ahead. Yes. Yes and is more open. And it's exploring the possibilities. It's taking the good with the bad. Yes, but has a more negative connotations. Like, okay, I'm accepting this, but. And even when you say it rolls off the tongue, you know, I'll say it, you know, I didn't hit my sales quota this week. Yes, but, you know, I tried my hardest.

[00:11:57] Versus I didn't hit my sales quota this week. Yes. And, you know, I gave it my all and I'm hoping I'll do better the next week. I'm sorry, the next one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, thanks for that example. That really helps. So when you, so Jay, when you talk about, and I want to bring your niece and nephew into this too, and the digital era and the challenges of raising kids in this time, especially teenagers.

[00:12:24] When you say comparison is the thief of joy, what does that mean to you? My grandmother, who, if you look behind me, that's a picture of my grandparents, huge influences in my life, would always say that. And it really is. And what it means is that, you know, we talked about it earlier, especially with social media, people are showing you the highlights of their life.

[00:12:48] And unfortunately, social media is set up to constantly have you compare yourself to other people. And, you know, with AI and with it, there's always going to be someone who has more or someone who has different. And if you're constantly comparing yourself to that, like you, you lose out on the happiness of what you, what you do have. I remember once I used to have a car, a Porsche Boxster.

[00:13:17] And I remember I was home, a bunch of friends from high school was out, were out. And a guy comes up to me and he said, you have a Boxster? And he mentioned his kid, Chris, who had a 911. He said, Chris has a 911. And Chris got that 911 with the proceeds of a car accident. And I said, I guarantee you, if he could go back and not have gone through what he did, he'd rather have his life beforehand.

[00:13:44] And then I asked the guy, I said, by the way, what are you driving? And he was like, well, you know, I have a Honda Accord. And I go, well, congratulations on your Honda Accord. My Boxster suits me just fine. And I just sat there and I'm like, he came to me with such joy to be able to tell me someone had a higher level Porsche than mine.

[00:14:10] And I just sat there and I was like, you know, I felt bad for him because I was like, obviously there's some emptiness there. If you have that kind of time in your life, this is not a good friend of mine. This was not even someone who was in my class. Like he knew he saw me drive up in my car because we're not even friends on social media. And I thought about it. And I'm like, if my grandmother hadn't raised me with the comparisons, the thief of joy mindset, that could have ruined my night. Right, right.

[00:14:39] But then you just said, there it is. There it is. So how do you then teach that to your niece and your nephew? So him, he is an anomaly. He is my hero as far as males. He is who I would love to be. He loves who he is.

[00:15:06] He doesn't compare himself to anyone. Like if he likes it, that's all that matters. She's actually pretty good as well. You know, she's a young lady and she's also 17. So, you know, what other people think matters. But like, fortunately, they both have a mind and a style of their own. And it's something that I really like. We're very fortunate in not having to really drill down on it.

[00:15:35] I just always, my mother and I always impart on them that they don't want for, you know, they have all their necessities. They have a pretty good life, especially all things considered. And we preach gratitude. And the fact that, you know, it's hard to say this to two kids. But like one of the things when my mother and I always say is that we're grateful that we were in a position and able to be able to take care of them.

[00:16:04] Because especially something I didn't mention. Three years after losing their mom, they lost their father. So by the time they were 10 and 14, they were complete orphans. My goodness. And so, you know, we've really done everything we can to instill as much confidence in them.

[00:16:27] And we always talk about making sure they realize that as long as they're doing their best comparison is that much less important. Boy, that must have been hard to guide them through that. That whole journey. Yeah. To. Yeah. Boy. So you talk about knowing your value and never let it go on sale. Never go on sale.

[00:16:53] Did that also come from your wisdom of your grandparents? It did. But I will be honest. The wisdom was always there. The practice wasn't. Becoming a parent changed me. And that is something that is something very recent. You know, I mentioned earlier how I came about getting this hat. You know, for years, I would always think that people I would think that especially in professional settings. And I used to think people underestimated me.

[00:17:22] And I finally realized once I said, sometimes people pretend to underestimate you when they know you're capable of. But they want to tear you down because they know if they don't, you could get ahead of them. And I was in situations where I could tell the only way to get along with everyone was to dim my light.

[00:17:43] And one day I finally told someone, I said, you know, I'm sorry that my confidence and my competence makes you insecure. And I go, while I'm sorry for that, I can no longer dumb myself down to make you feel better. So I think it's best that we talk about the succession plan of parting ways.

[00:18:07] And that was the best feeling that I ever had because I was like, this is the last day that I put myself on sale to make someone else feel better about themselves. And what happened that day for you to speak up and say that? You know, I just, I heard one too many times about why it was my fault that others couldn't shine. Right.

[00:18:32] And I was like, yeah, I just said, I said that I, you know, I heard the words, you make it hard for others to shine. And I don't know what clicked. I just said, nope. And quite honestly, I go, that statement's all I need to know. I don't need to be a part of this anymore. And I was like, I'm, I'm ready. I'm ready to move on. And I said, you know, I am tired of being blamed for other people just showing up. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:59] So you had to accept your, your, your own light. Really? It sounds to me. Yeah. And yeah. Yeah. And no one should ever feel like they have to accept their own light. I, you know, what I've encountered people many times who I feel, I won't say make it hard for me to shine, but I've encountered people and I'm like, you know, I'm going to have to step it up. And it has never made me say they're making it hard for me to shine.

[00:19:26] And it always makes me say, well, if they're making it hard for me to shine, I need to control the variable I can. And I need to bring my own light, which means I need to, you can't mail in, you can't mail in a B effort and expect an A plus. Right. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So tell, so I, I love that you show up in the Ken hat and share that story when you were walking through the store and you just sort of spoke to you.

[00:19:56] Yeah. The universe always provides. I was on a work trip, forgot some gym shorts, ran over to a Ross dress for less. And I was like, I know I can probably get a pair for less than 10 bucks. Found a pair of gym shorts and I happened to look over, saw this hat. And I was like, I got to have that. And it's, and I was like, bonus, $1.99, say less. And I was like, you know, if you're going to tell me, if you're going to tell me that I make it harder for others to shine, I'm going to lean into this a little bit. Right.

[00:20:25] And the first conference I wore it at a guy who, a gentleman who has now become friends, become a friend. He said, I love that you're wearing that hat because Jay, you are a knuff. And I was like, I said, you know, I need it. Yeah. And so, and I get, I get a mixed bag. Like I'll, I'll wear this out for a guy's night with my buddies and they're just like, I can't believe you're wearing that hat. And then I'll have one buddy being like, I can't believe you're wearing that.

[00:20:52] I also, I can't believe I'm really jealous that you're wearing that. And so it is, you know, it's, so it's a lot of fun. And I think for so many years, I, I faked having fun and now I try to have fun in everything that I do. I will share with anybody.

[00:21:13] I spent the first 45 years of my life feeling incredibly lonely, but I was very good at shielding that from anyone. Huh? Wow. That's, that's interesting to me because that, and that took this adversity for you to really discover who you are and who you can be really. And you're, yeah. And you're.

[00:21:41] I had two people who deserve the best version of me. Hmm. Yeah. And yeah, but you had to, to work through it and it wasn't like it was anything that you wanted, but it was just that spontaneous thing that happened in life. And where we have a choice where we can choose to stay stuck or choose to move forward. Yeah. Wow. Well that, what a, what a story. What a story. How would your niece and nephew describe you?

[00:22:10] My nephew would definitely, you know, funkel. I was a fun uncle, but now I'm definitely more like a dad. And matter of fact, and it brought me, it brought me to tears. Of course, Father's Day a few years ago, he made, uh, they made Father's Day cards in school. And he made one for me. And I choke up a little bit when I talk about it. You know, he was holding the letters D and then he held the letter A and the letter D again.

[00:22:39] And they took pictures and they taped them all to a car. And it's just, it really, it really touched my heart. He and I were close from the very beginning. Like both my niece and nephew are miracles. Because as I mentioned, you know, my sister was born with type, my sister came in there. She was not born with type one diabetes, but she developed it at a very young age because it was hereditary.

[00:23:03] And, you know, if you've seen still Magnolias or if you know anything about women with diabetes, carrying children is incredibly difficult. Neither one of them made it to 30 weeks. I believe she was 29 weeks and he was 27. And so they came into the world very early and fighting. And I remember the first time I met him, he was so tiny.

[00:23:29] And the nurse told me, she goes, this is the perkiest he's been all week. He's been waiting to meet you. And she was my first niece. And so she and I had a very special bond when she was little to the degree that when my sister had him, I told my mom, I said, I don't know that I have that much room in my heart to love him as much as I love her.

[00:23:55] And now they are both just, you know, they are the lights. They're the lights of my life. And so I think they would describe me as someone who's very loving and someone who gives them love unconditionally. That's wonderful, Jay. Thank you very much for sharing. That's a difficult story to share, I would imagine, in a lot of ways. I mean, you have such joy now, but you had to go through such pain to get here.

[00:24:25] Yeah. As a parent, knowing what you know now, what would you do the same and what would you do differently? You know, what I would do the same is just follow the instinct of giving them what I would want if I were in their shoes. And really, the only thing I would change is losing my sister. Other than that, our journey has been interesting. It has tested us at times.

[00:24:54] It has pushed me. You know, it's not easy co-parenting from 300 miles away. But, you know, we make it work. I went through a very rough patch. And I ended up having to, thank God, I hired a coach. I went through a very rough patch the first half of 2024. And I remember I was driving home. And this is a hard story to share. But I share it because I know that it will help someone.

[00:25:24] I was driving home and my car was pretty fast. I had it up over 100 miles an hour. And I looked at the jersey wall and I said to myself, I just slammed this car into the wall. All the noise in my head will stop. I was like, you know, I've saved very well in my 401k plan. You know, I've got my workplace retirement and my workplace insurance. I said, you know, the kids will be taken care of.

[00:25:51] And I sat and as I rationalized that out, I said, I thought to myself, and yet they'll have lost a third person who is significant in their life. And then, and I said, on top of that, they deserve the best version of me. I have to want to not do that for myself. And I need to get some help. And that one of the things that made me realize, and this is where I think a lot of parents, you know, I have friends.

[00:26:21] Who raise kids. And then they get divorced. And it finally occurred to me once. I said, I think as parents, so many of us allow ourselves to lose our identity. And we trade it in for the identity of a parent. And we lose ourselves. And then when that identity is gone, you look at the person you've co-parented with and it's like, we don't have that bond anymore. And we don't know who each other is. Now, I'm fortunate in that, you know, I co-parent with my mom.

[00:26:51] So I don't have that worry. But I did start to see where I was like, my identity is slipping into that as a parent. And I had to take a step back and remind myself that, you know, the cliche of you got to put your oxygen mask on first. And I was like, I have to have my own identity and make sure that that identity is deserving of raising these two children. Yes, that is such a valuable point.

[00:27:18] And the need to keep us as parents mentally strong and emotionally, physically, spiritually strong in order to parent at all really is the best of our ability. Yeah. Yeah. But it's and it's hard to remember that, isn't it? When you're in the chaos, the difficult times, the challenging teenage years, it is easy to lose yourself in parenting.

[00:27:46] And you didn't have anything to lead up to it either. And so all of a sudden you're thrown into this with no preparation. It's monumental. Really, you don't you don't get a manual. And I just like I said, I look back and, you know, people always say they're so fortunate to have you. And I would say, no, I'm fortunate to have that. But I realized I go, no, we're fortunate to have each other.

[00:28:14] You know, I keep learning the same great lesson over and over. And I've said it a few times. God truly does give you what you need when you need it. It doesn't always look like you thought it would or hoped it would. But, you know, he does. I remember my last conversation with my sister was if something happens, these just always be who you were to who you always have been to them.

[00:28:42] And, you know, I feel like I kept that promise. Yeah. The timing may not always be the timing we want, but it's it's the right timing. It's sort of in God's timing, which can be frustrating at times. You know, I look back and I think because someone asked me once, usually one of the questions I've gotten asked on podcasts is, do you regret never having had a family of your own?

[00:29:07] And I look back and I realize if I did, there's a minimal chance I would have had the capacity to do what I've done for my niece and nephew. And so I have absolutely no regrets there. You know, I have. I've gotten the opportunity to be a parent. For sure. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[00:29:30] And they they rely on you and they've been life changing and life giving and restoring and many, many things. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that, Jane. Tell us, how did your contribute to who you are today? Oh, God. My 20s.

[00:29:49] My 20s taught me what my 20s taught me what it means to just want to go back and give someone a hug and tell them you are on the right path. It may not be straight and narrow, but love yourself. My 20s made me in a nutshell. My 20s made it so that I really value loving myself and I'm never going back to the way it was because I did in my 20s.

[00:30:19] I didn't was very good at faking it, but I did not love myself in my 20s. Well, that's interesting to me because before we started, I asked you, what does success look like? And you said, if I can help one person, if I can inspire one person, then today will be a success. And that says to me that you had to go through that struggle in order to get to that point, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:30:48] So thank you. What adversity did you encounter in high school that stays with you today? I went to a high school that was 99 percent white and had a very old school administration. And I've had to let go of a lot of bitterness. I would hear the, oh, I've had I had black friends growing up. And this is from administrators.

[00:31:14] And I had a lot of teachers who would tell me not to dream so big and things of that nature. But as I said, in every challenge, you can always find the good. Going to that school in the 80s has it built me for dealing with the same type of stuff in corporate America, you know, with social media.

[00:31:39] And especially in this day and age with political debates, when someone insults me, I always say I went to a primary white institution in the 80s. You're going to have to come a lot harder than that to pierce this skin, my friend. And I also learned because the one thing my grandmother taught me, my grandmother always taught me. She goes, I built you to have more class employees than anyone who looks down on you. So I am very good.

[00:32:08] You know, most people, when they insult, they show their lack of education. I insult intelligently. And so that came from having to do so because I will basically show you your ignorance and then wish you the life that you deserve and carry on about my day. And I learned all of that from going from the adversity I faced in that school system. Yeah, that's amazing to me.

[00:32:31] As a profession, I'm an executive recruiter and we work with this process called top grading out of Chicago. And top grading believes that stuff that happens in high school repeats throughout a person's career. But we've come to believe that what happens in high school, those impressionable years, repeats throughout a person's lifetime. And you've just said it. You just said that that foundation and what you need to endure to get through it and the lessons probably that you needed to learn then.

[00:33:01] It's helped you in every aspect of your life, it seems. And your grandmother was a very wise woman, it sounds to me, too. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I was very blessed to have her in my life. Yes. Let me see. What behavior have you received from your mom? Since we haven't talked much about your mom, but she is a significant piece of the puzzle to this. And what you're going to do. Yes.

[00:33:31] What behavior? Let me make sure I understand this. You know what? When I think of it, partnership. Just the way we work together. And I mean, I'm always impressed with her because she has them day to day. So she does way more than I do. And she never got a chance to truly grieve.

[00:33:55] She had, you know, even from when my sister went into the hospital, my mom had the kids. So even before my sister passed away, my mom had them for two months before that. And then the pandemic came and I said, and she was doing everything she could to put on a brave face for me. If I hadn't gone home for my sister's birthday and ended up being there for three months, I would have had no idea how she was struggling.

[00:34:22] And it was, I mean, it really, it brought us, it brought us a lot closer. And, you know, even at times, like I tell her that, you know, with my job now, it's hard for me to go. I, you know, past couple of jobs I've had, I will go to Pittsburgh for a week at a time. And with my job now, it's very difficult for me to do that. And so I carry a lot of guilt. I almost feel like an absentee father.

[00:34:48] And she has reminded me, she said, you know, without having to, you've given so much of yourself to us needing you. You do have to, you have to have your own life. You have to do what's right for you as well. And she's like, they're 13 and 17 now. We've done the most important part. I remember when I would first, for the first year or so, every time I would leave, my nephew would just have a stage five meltdown.

[00:35:16] And now, you know, he doesn't even go to the airport when I go to leave or anything like that. He's a teenager. And a friend of mine told me, he goes, he no longer has the insecurity of you not coming back. Exactly. He knows you're going to be there. And he feels secure now. He knows you're coming back. And so it's just the partnership and how steely she is in having stepped up to the plate when some would have folded. Yeah. So, yeah.

[00:35:46] Yeah, he both did that. So your mom probably modeled that for you growing up. Yeah. One more thing. Yes. What is something that happened over and above what we've been talking about that was real and impossible to logically explain? Oof. I'm giving you tough ones, Jay. Wow. Yeah. Impossible to logically, you know something? The job I have now.

[00:36:16] Yeah. So being a wholesaler is incredibly, it's a coveted job in my field, especially in my territory, which is the Northeast United States. And those jobs very rarely come open. And I was, you know, I was in a job. I was considering, not considering. I was going to start looking for another job because the job I was in, it just was not for me. I wasn't passionate about it. And actually, it was just over a year ago.

[00:36:46] I believe I want to say it was January 20th or 21st. My position, my now position came open and I had two or three people reach out and say, hey, JPMorgan Chase is going to have a Northeast wholesaling position coming open. The manager was asking if we had any people would recommend. I recommended you like three or four people said that. And then I got a LinkedIn message from him and we had the conversation.

[00:37:13] I had been an internal wholesaler on retirement plans, never an external. The job I was in was doing external sales, but it was in a different aspect of the industry. It is very rare to get a Northeast wholesaling position when you haven't been an external before in that same territory. And it's even more rare to get in when you hadn't at all been an external.

[00:37:39] But I doubt, I can't say it's, I can't logically explain it because I'm going to say it again. God gives you what you need when you need it. But what made it happen is that belief in myself and a determination that since I wasn't happy in my current position, and this was more along the lines of what I wanted to do, that whether I had the full past experience or not, I was going to show that what I brought far outweighed what I needed to pick up.

[00:38:09] Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's, and this all happened after you went to this, this life-changing event too, didn't it? With your sister. Yeah. So that, that, that, that. I'm a different person. Yes. As a result. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing so transparently your, your story and with such a being so authentic. What are, what are some words of wisdom that you can share with other parents that may be going through a difficult time

[00:38:38] and maybe feeling stuck or lost in the state of adversity? Sometimes when we feel lost in the state of adversity, what we don't realize it is, it's not just adversity. It's a version of us that is dying off that no longer serves who we truly are. And it's, you know, you go through all the phases you do with any other death, anger, mourning, resentment, acceptance. And then it becomes a part of who you are.

[00:39:07] Or, you know, if you're just the moment you feel it can't get any worse, you have to remember, remind yourself that the darkest hour is just before dawn. And as I said before, he who knows, he or she, who knows their why can weather anyhow. Okay. What's your why? My why?

[00:39:29] In my inner circle, my mom and the kids and then myself and my faith, larger than me. I just, I feel, I just, I'm also trying to stop saying the word just. I feel it is my duty to do everything I can to leave the world a better place and I found it. And that's my why. It's why I love, I sell retirement plans to small businesses to help them save.

[00:39:57] I try, I think I'm up to 12 mentees now because I want to help younger generations avoid the pitfalls that I did. I want them to love themselves in their 20s as opposed to waiting to their late 40s like I did. Wonderful, Jay. Well, thank you very much for sharing. And it's just been a pleasure to get to know you. It's been a pleasure getting to know you as well. And thank you. I'm always honored when someone has me on their podcast because this is your voice.

[00:40:28] If there's one takeaway from this episode, it's that adversity can shape us in ways we never expect. Through loss, responsibility, and resilience, Jay discovered a deeper purpose and a stronger sense of self. I'm Adrian Giffen and you've been listening to Now You're Talking.

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