Are Your Past Experiences Still Shaping Your Life: ALLOW | Step 4 of Seven Steps Back to You

Every meaningful conversation begins with a question. I'm Adrienne Giffen, and this is Now You're Talking. In a world of constant notifications and endless scrolling, this podcast is an invitation to pause, get curious, and explore the questions, stories, and ideas that help us reconnect with what matters most. Because conversation builds connection. Let's begin. Last week we explored reclaim. This week we continue the journey with allow. Every step invites us to look back with curiosity, so we can move forward with greater clarity and intention.

Last week we talked about reclaiming the parts of our lives that have quietly slipped away. Once we begin reconnecting with those parts of our life, what happens next?

The next step is allow, and allow to most people means giving permission, and that's what it means here too. But it's it's going back so we can go forward differently.

What do you mean by that?

I always say experience is expertise. So every experience that we've had, every expectation that has been placed upon us, every belief that we've acquired or developed along the way has taught us something, and we're like a mosaic of experiences, and every experience, every belief has shaped us in some way, influenced the choices that we've made to get us to where we are right now.

Can you give us an example?

Yes, I grew up in a family with two brothers. Very much, women do this, and men do this. And I remember my mom saying to me, "Oh, well, your brothers don't have to make their beds, but you do. And I remember thinking how unfair that was. And so quietly, I rebelled in my teenage years, and I would leave my room in a disastrous state. And my mom would, I'd say, "Mom, I'm going to close my door, and you don't have to worry about it. But knowing that my mom, as she said, knew it was behind the door, and I would come home from school, and my room would be clean. I know, I felt a bit badly about that. But really, what that has taught me going forward, when I look back. I realized that my mom was carrying it all. She didn't say to my brothers, "Hey, we're all in this together. Let's delegate. What she said was, "I'm I'm the the woman of the house back then, and and she said, "I'm I'm going to carry it. I'm going to carry all of it.

So, how has that experience affected your life?

Well, it's not about blaming. So, I don't blame my mom. That was the paradigm that that she was raised with. It's really about just understanding. So, as a mother of four daughters, seven years apart, I believe too that I had to do it. And I loved being a mom, and I loved being a wife at the time. And and I didn't know how to delegate either. And when my girls were young, I had my own business, and when I realized when things became really hectic, it was the business that I said to myself I have to let go because I couldn't sustain how busy it was, and even though that business really fed my soul and really represented a part of me that was beyond being a mother and a wife, but it was that part of me that I let go. And what I realized looking back is that I was so much more. But because of the example I had been set in my life and the beliefs that I had internalized, I let the things and the parts of me go that meant lots to me, so I could maintain that role of doing it all. So,

So, what is allow really about?

Well, allow it's really about understanding, self-understanding, and it's not about blame. It's really about understanding beliefs that we have in our life that we've acquired throughout our life. What serves us? What beliefs serve us? What experiences and the lessons we've learned from them still serve us. And what do not so allow ourselves to release the things that no longer serve us.

So those are powerful questions.

Yes, and probably asking yourself what serves you is probably one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself today when you see where you are today, because in order to go forward differently, we have to understand where we've come from.

So, what is the one question you'd like people to ask themselves as they reflect back on their life?

Well, ask themselves what experience, what belief, or what expectation has been set upon you. That serves you, and and if it does serve you still great, then embrace it. And when you ask yourself that question, and you realize that there's a belief expectation that's been placed upon you that you're still living by, but it no longer serves you, then that's all about allowing yourself to set that free.

So where do we go from here?

Once you set those beliefs free and those expectations free that no longer serve you, there's a shift that happens. There's a shift that brings us closer to who we really are, and that's the beginning. When we really embrace that shift and embrace that changes that is happening within us, then it's about voice, and it's about making that known to the world with honesty, with courage, and with authenticity. That this is who I am.

Excellent.

And so that's what we're going to be talking about next week: is voice. How do we voice what's really important to us?

Thank you for taking another step on the journey back to you. Next week we'll continue with Voice, where we'll explore what happens when self-understanding becomes self-expression. Thank you for joining me today. I'm Adrienne Giffen. Every meaningful conversation begins with a question, and conversation builds connection. Visit adriangiffen.com and join the conversation, where you'll discover ideas that spark laughter, reflection, and connection with yourself and those around you. Until next time, let the conversations begin.