69: Not Seeing Results Yet? Why Real Change Takes Longer Than You Think

[00:00:00] You're doing the work every day and nothing is showing. No change in the mirror, no change in how you feel. That's usually right when we quit. I spent 40 years in healthcare and 20 years on the dance floor and I can tell you what's actually happening in that quiet stretch. Something is growing. You just can't see it yet.

[00:00:30] Tired of feeling stuck, unseen or like your body isn't yours anymore? It's time for a reset. Welcome to An Ageless Life, the Midlife Reset Show, where science, movement and mindset help you feel strong, energized and like yourself.

[00:00:50] I'm Diana Devi, a clinical pharmacist, Argentine tango dancer and instructor, and your guide for redefining how women thrive and grow in midlife and beyond. Let's get started.

[00:01:09] Sixteen years ago, I had frozen shoulder. If you've had it, you know. If you haven't, imagine your shoulder frozen to the side of your body, immobile. I couldn't dance. That was the hardest part. I was so frustrated. I felt at loss for the thing that made me feel so alive.

[00:01:35] So I went to work. First, massage, then physical therapy. And I was in physical therapy, I started studying gyrotonic, which is a movement method that's based on circles and spirals. My exercises at home every day, sometimes twice a day, week after week.

[00:01:59] Then, one morning, I reached back behind my back and was able to fasten my bra instead of fastening it in front and turning it around. Barely. Barely. But I did it. I stood there in my bedroom and I thought, when did that come back? It felt like it came from nowhere. It didn't. It came from all of those weeks when nothing seemed to be happening. Something was happening.

[00:02:27] I just couldn't see it yet. Last episode, I talked about harvest. And that is what you gather and what you plant next. This episode is about what happens after you plant. Roots burst. It happens under the surface. You can't see it until the day of the sprout pushes up through the soil. Making itself known to the world.

[00:02:57] So today, we're talking about that quiet part. That part where you're doing the work and you can't see anything yet. It feels so slow. What's really going on down there? And how to build your roots before a demanding season. So whatever you're planting next time, there's something underneath it.

[00:03:22] I'm Diana Devi, clinical pharmacist of 40 years, Argentine tango dancer and instructor. And this is the Midlife Reset. This is episode five of The Turning. We've talked about seasons changing, what seems to fall away, the turn itself, last week the harvest. This week is about the roots. Next week is the finale. What a seed actually does.

[00:03:51] Let's start with the seed because a seed does something we forget. When we plant a seed, the first thing it sends out is not the sprout. It's the roots. Down first into the dark before anything shows up above ground. Garlic works the same way. You put it into the ground in the fall and you wait. All winter. Nothing to look at. Just dirt.

[00:04:21] And your neighbors think, well, she probably forgot to plant anything. But under the dirt, the garlic is rooting. And in the spring, when the green comes up like it always does, it's there. That's what I mean by roots first. The part you can't see comes before the part you can see. Here's the hardest part.

[00:04:47] While the tools are growing, it looks like nothing is happening. That's how my shoulder felt week after week of exercise. And if you ask me in week four whether or not it was working, I would have said, hmm, I don't really know. It doesn't really seem like it. I would have said it seems like I've been spending all of this time and energy and I'm not getting anything for it. But I was wrong. But I was wrong.

[00:05:17] I couldn't have known that yet. And I see this with my clients. Usually around week three, they start to lose motivation. They wonder, is this helping enough? When will this get better? And I remind them, it builds. Then we talk. As we talk, they start remembering the things that had already changed. Sleeping a little bit better.

[00:05:46] Noticing when they're exhausted from a stress-filled day. Putting it together. A day with no bathroom breaks, no water, no food. And what it did to them. Not only then, but also what happened later in the day and sometimes the next day. That noticing is a root. It's working. They just can't see it yet.

[00:06:14] And I think this is where a lot of us give up. Not because the thing isn't working. Because it isn't showing. So let me give you what the pharmacist version. Two pieces of research about the quiet part. One, you get stronger before you see it. When you start strength training, for the first few weeks, gains mostly don't come from bigger muscles.

[00:06:43] They come from your nervous system. Your brain learns to use the muscle you already have. It recruits more of it. It coordinates it better. You're getting stronger before anything changes in the mirror. The wiring comes first. The visible part comes later. Then roots. Literally, nervous system equal roots in your body.

[00:07:12] In one of my earlier episodes, episode 63, I talked about whether you have to get weaker as you get older. This is the other half. Your body still answers. It just answers underground at first. Two, habits take longer than we think. And I want to say that again. Habits take longer than we think. There's a well-known study out of University College in London.

[00:07:42] The researchers follow people building one new daily habit. A piece of fruit with lunch. A bottle of water. A short run before dinner. Something simple. On average, it took about 66 days for the habit to feel automatic. 66. More than two months. And for some people, it took a lot longer than that.

[00:08:07] So if you're starting something three weeks ago and it still feels like effort, you're not behind. You're right on schedule. You're in the root phase. I found that a huge relief. Honestly, I think it should be on a coffee mug that you see every day. And then it bursts. Then one day, you're able to fasten your bra.

[00:08:35] The building may seem slow in the beginning. Then it bursts into existence. The change is so apparent, it seems like it came from nowhere. It didn't. It came from the roots. A prime example is when you're building a house. You drive by a lot. You see a lot of construction. Stuff's going on. They're digging out the base of the house. You don't see anything. You don't see anything. And boom.

[00:09:04] It seems like all of a sudden, the walls of the house are up. Things happen quickly. But in the beginning, it doesn't look like there's much going on. That's what I want you to expect. Slow and steady. Then all at once, nothing magic happened on that one day. Everything underneath finally had enough to push something up. In tango, I see this with my students.

[00:09:32] For weeks, a new movement feels clumsy. Your feet don't know where to go. Your body doesn't know where to go. You think you'll never get it. And then, one night at a dance, the music starts, and your body just does it. You didn't decide it. It was already there. Roots before a demanding season. Now, why does this matter?

[00:10:00] Because sooner or later, a demanding season comes. Maybe it's the holidays, travel, family, hosting. Maybe it's something bigger. A move, a new role, a business expansion, a new business, or a parent who needs you more. And when the demanding season is coming, most of us do the opposite of rooting. We push. We say yes to everything.

[00:10:30] We cut sleep to get it all done. We skip the walk because there wasn't time. We try to rise and do more without roots. And then, when the season is over, we're running on empty, wondering why we feel so depleted. And let me name the root. I care about what's going on into a season like this. These are the ones I watch in myself.

[00:11:00] Sleep. Your body does a lot of its repair while you sleep. That's where the rooting happens. Back in episode 56, we talked about sleep as repair. In a demanding season, protect it first. It's the first route to go and the last one we notice. Remember, sleep is where your body goes in and cleans out. That's kind of the nighttime cleaning crew.

[00:11:29] It resets everything and prepares you for the next day. The second one is the pause. In Japanese, in the Japanese philosophy series I did, we talked about ma. That's the meaningful space between things. The pause between notes that makes the music. In tango, there's a pause in the dance where nothing seems to happen,

[00:11:56] yet it's the pause that makes the next step so beautiful. A pause isn't wasting time. It's a root. Pacing. We talked about stamina that lasts the day. Same idea, bigger scale. You don't want to spend all of your energy in the first week. You need to plan for the whole season. Your people. Roots are only physical.

[00:12:26] Who's in your corner? Who can you call? Or maybe even just text. A tree alone takes the full force of the wind. Trees together stand up to it better. None of these look impressive from the outside. Nobody posts a picture of their roots. But they're what holds you up when the wind comes.

[00:12:52] So here is your practice for this week. Go back to the seed from last week. The thing you're planting next. If you didn't have one, name one now. It can be big. It can be small. A business. A habit. A trip you've been putting off. A way you want to feel. Now ask yourself three questions. One.

[00:13:21] What route does this need before I push? Is it sleep? A pause in the calendar? Is it a conversation? Some money set aside? Two. What am I doing right now that feels like nothing is happening? Write it down because it might be a route. Three.

[00:13:47] What would I tell a friend who was three weeks into this and wanted to quit? Then tell yourself that. And if you want a body piece, here's one. Stand up. Feet under your hips. Feel the floor. And just drop your weight down into the floor. Just kind of like bounce it. Feels. Heels are flat on the floor. The whole body.

[00:14:16] Just send your body down. Rooted into the ground. Let your spine bounce. Your arms are loose to the side. Go up and down. Take three slow breaths. That's how every turn in tango starts. Grounded first. Then you turn. Here's what I want you to keep. The quiet part is not the falling part. It's the rooting part.

[00:14:45] You can't skip it. And you don't have to rush it. My shoulders taught me that 16 years ago. There's a part I didn't tell you. Physical therapy goal was 75%. When I got there, they stopped. Their goal was met. Mine was not. I wanted 100%. So I kept going. The massage. The body work. The gyrotonic. And then something surprised me.

[00:15:14] The first 75% took forever. The last 25% came so much faster. Then when I done the dance floor, my partner led me in a turn. And I turned. My arm was able to move. So my embrace followed. No pain. No stiffness. No wincing. I didn't have to think about it. That was my shoulder and my body.

[00:15:44] Every shoulder is different. My 25% improvement in the last was everything I did underneath it. Every session. Every massage. Every circle. Every spiral. The roots kept growing after everyone else stopped watching. Whatever you're building right now, it may look like nothing yet. That's fine. That's what roots look like from above.

[00:16:13] Roots first, then you rise. And remember, aging is an upgrade. If something is rooting in you right now and you want to see what's underneath it, that's what your ageless map session is for. It's 90 minutes. Just you and me. We look at your strength, your balance. How do you carry yourself?

[00:16:38] And really start to develop a roadmap for what it is that you need to do next. Email me at diana at an ageless life dot com with map in the subject line and I'll send you everything you need. The program is ready to launch soon, so get on the waiting list while you can. Next week is a finale of the turning. We'll let things fall. We've turned.

[00:17:06] We've harvested and we've rooted. Next week, we find out what the roots are for. Next week is a finale of the turning. We'll let things fall. We've turned. We've harvested. We've rooted. Next week, we find out what the roots are for. And we dance red. I'm Diana Devi and this is Midlife Reset. Turn the season. Bye for now.

[00:17:34] That's it for this reset. Thank you for spending this time with me. If today's episode gave you something to think about, I'd love to have you subscribe so you never miss what's next. And remember to grab your free gift, your midlife superpower, five simple power moves to feel like yourself again.

[00:17:58] The address for this is or link is an ageless life dot com forward slash super power. Thanks again. Bye bye.