Caregiving with Resiliency

[00:00:06] Hi, this is the Be Well with Dr. Michelle Greenwell podcast. Our heartwarming conversation is designed to lift you on your wellness journey. Grab your cup of tea and enjoy the podcast.

[00:00:26] Welcome everyone. This is Be Well with Dr. Michelle Greenwell, where every episode is designed to be more than simply a conversation and it's an opportunity for you to pause, to reconnect with yourself and to discover practical tools that support your health and well-being. Today we are doing Caring While Thriving, finding hope, grace and resilience through the caregiving journey. And my guest today is Ann Smets. Hello, Sandy.

[00:00:56] Hello. Good morning, everybody. Whether you're joining us for the first time or returning as part of our growing community, I'm so glad that you are here. Today's conversation is especially meaningful. Caregiving is one of the greatest expressions of love that we can offer another person, yet it can also become one of life's greatest challenges. It asks us to give of ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

[00:01:24] And while many conversations focus on caregiving burnout, today we're going to be exploring something a little bit different. Today we're going to be looking at how can caregivers continue to thrive alongside the people that they love. So Sandy, over the past five years, has walked one of life's most personal challenges as a caregiver for not one, but two siblings.

[00:01:50] And following the passing of her sister in 2024, she felt called by God to write Caregiver's Guide. And it's a faith-based resource designed to encourage and support others who unexpectedly find themselves stepping into this role of caregiver. Her desire is simple and heartfelt that no caregiver walks this journey alone.

[00:02:13] Through both her book and her upcoming workshops, Sandy combines practical caregiving tools with faith, encouragement and hope to help caregivers care not only for the people they love, but also for themselves. Sandy, I'm so glad that you're bringing this conversation to the forefront. I think it's so important and all of us find out about the need for the conversation after it's too late. So it's always that.

[00:02:41] It's an interesting walk when you get thrown into a situation where you're like, what do I do now? So I'm hoping that this is what my goal is, is to help people know what to do next. Beautiful. Now we need to start with tea because every conversation needs to start with a cup of tea. And I always ask my guests what they put in their mug. Do you want to share what's in your mug today? Mine is the Raspberry Thriller.

[00:03:10] It's just, it's a summer day and it's just kind of a light, refreshing tea that I like to enjoy on a nice day like today. A little bit overcast, but nicer. And you also have that brilliant color that you're holding in your hand. And I appreciate that you're using a clear glass because we can actually see the color, but also you can really engage with the color. And when it's hidden inside some ceramics, you can't always do that.

[00:03:35] But the brilliance of what's inside of that blend and holding on to that vibrant piece allows us to transcend just because of the color. Mm-hmm. Today, I want to share one of the blends from the Cape Breton Tea Company called 1897 Generosity. Now, this one, I was trying to decide what goes with the caregiver's conversation.

[00:04:02] So I thought I would go to somebody who never had children, but cared for a lot of people. And 1897 Generosity was put together for Obadiah Smith, who came from Port Hood Island on Cape Breton Island. And he became a philanthropist that his 100 years later, his work is still rippling effects into hospitals and into schools and into some of the community events around here.

[00:04:32] Our affirmation today is open your heart to hope and optimism. Your resilience and pure generosity will inspire others. And one of the things I love about creating teas is discovering the spiritual qualities each herb and fruit can bring to the blend. So today, I didn't know you were going to have raspberry or I would have talked about raspberry too. But I've got blueberry and currant. Blueberries remind us of resilience, wisdom, and gentle nourishment.

[00:05:02] While currants carry the energy of renewal, vitality, and quiet strength. And together, they remind us that generosity isn't about emptying ourselves. It's about remaining so well nourished that what naturally overflows becomes the gift to others. As I reflect on today's conversation, I was also thinking about the difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion. I want to bring this forward before we start.

[00:05:30] Because empathy allows us to understand another person's experience, but we don't have to take it on. And sympathy allows us to be able to share that empathic kind of feeling and witness that. But again, we don't have to take it on. It's compassion that reminds us that we don't have to carry another person's suffering inside ourselves in order to love them deeply.

[00:06:00] Compassion is love with healthy boundaries. It allows us to remain grounded while offering hope, encouragement, and presence. And that is generosity in action. So as you enjoy your tea today, everybody, those people who are listening, if you've got water beside you, you can infuse it with the energy we've just talked about. And if you have a tea, then you can engage with the herbs within your blend.

[00:06:26] But as we enjoy our tea today, we invite you to hold the question throughout this conversation. What might make caregiving feel just a little bit lighter? Not because my circumstances change, but because my relationship with them does. And so with that, cheers and thank you, Sandy. So I look forward to this. I love your mug.

[00:06:51] This one is, my great aunt said if she could come back as anything, she would signal us with a bumblebee. And so it's covered in bumblebees. That's awesome. All right. So now I want to give a little bit of background. For people listening, if it's the first time you're hearing me speak about these ideas, I thought I'd better bring them to the forefront. So that when Sandy shares her insights, you'll be able to put this all into context.

[00:07:19] So I'm going to start with the bioenergetic wellness formula. One of the unique aspects of my podcast is that every episode has been intentionally designed with this formula. So rather than simply listening to the conversation, I'm going to invite you to become a part of it. And together we create an intention. So we're bringing awareness to what may happen in your own life. We'll experience simple wellness tools you can begin using immediately.

[00:07:47] And my hope is that by the end of our time together, you're going to leave feeling calmer, more hopeful, and perhaps with one new idea that supports your own well-being. So whether you're a caregiver, someone receiving care, simply someone who wants stronger relationships, I invite you to settle comfortably, take a slow breath, and then join us. And our conversation may bring some things up. So I thought I'd start with wellness tool number one, which is emotional stress release.

[00:08:17] Because when we're overwhelmed, what many people will do is take their hand, put it to their forehead. And it's like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do next? And that is actually a signal. So for those people listening, I'm lightly putting all of my finger pads on my forehead. And use breathe. It's known as the emotional stress release points.

[00:08:44] But as you breathe, you can imagine the busy thoughts and letting them settle. You may notice that your shoulders will soften. Your mind may become curious rather than overwhelmed. And I wanted to bring that also to the forefront is if you're coming into this as a caregiver, and you are in overwhelm, I want you to hear what Sandy has to say, and to be able to process it.

[00:09:10] And when we calm the nervous system, we can discover solutions we couldn't see while we were stressed. And as we continue this conversation today, I want you to simply notice what ideas start to arise in you as we go. So let's get started. And if anytime you feel you're listening to this podcast, you want to just put your fingertips to the forehead and process some of the pieces, or even be able to go, how would that work in my world?

[00:09:37] Putting your fingertips there will allow it to process, and it'll solve its own solution. You won't have to do the hard thinking about it. All right. So Sandy, your journey began not by writing a book. That was what happened as a result. But it's about loving your family. That's where you've spent your time. Would you share what led you into becoming a caregiver, and then eventually what led to writing The Caregiver's Guide?

[00:10:08] So 30 years ago, my mom had dementia. So there was a little introduction to it there. She was put into a home pretty quickly. There was a few years where we were checking in on her and doing things. But she wandered really early. Like, she was diagnosed at 62. So it was very quick. And she passed away at 70. So there was a lot of... It wasn't... You kind of sat back and you think, was I really caregiving at that point?

[00:10:35] But we were in kind of very different ways. In 22 years ago, my brother, first brother, Ian, passed away. And his caregiving support was his mother-in-law, who was a nurse. His wife and his daughter was eight years old at the time. And then I would go down on weekends because I lived an hour and a half away. And I would go down on weekends when they were busy and had to work or whatever. So those were kind of little introductions for me into caregiving.

[00:11:04] In 2021, my brother, Jim, came for a visit in January to let me know that his cancer had reoccurred. He had had it five years, five or six years before. But he was with his wife. And he lived like three hours away. And there was a whole lot of friends in that that were supporting him. And he was able to go through that and clear the cancer then. But it had reoccurred.

[00:11:30] And he's now five years older and is over the mid-60s. And he was tired. He was a truck driver. And he really just didn't want to do it alone. And so he said, I need help. And so my house became his escape from Hamilton. I lived in Stratford or just outside of Stratford on a farm. And he would come up and stay there a few days at a time between doctor's appointments and stuff.

[00:11:59] And as it got worse, we ended up having to bring him to Stratford because Hamilton Hospital wasn't dealing with his issues. And we brought him to Stratford. And he ended up mostly we ended up caring for him there. He passed away in June of 2021. And then in January of 2023, my sister was diagnosed. And that was a different story because I was already caregiving for my sister.

[00:12:25] I was doing her groceries, taking her for her appointments, doing the stuff between my job and trying to help her. She had lupus and she was declining in her like she was she passed away at 67. So she was declining as she was getting into her 60s and was on a walker in that. So I was already caregiving for her. And then it was just like, I'm not doing this alone. And I'm like, apparently not. So we walked out.

[00:12:54] We went through all her appointments. My work was generous in giving me time to go to her appointments and stuff in London with her. And then we walked the path. She did some radiation just to make her comfortable. She had been diagnosed very early terminal because it was already in her ribs and stuff. And they said there was really nothing they could do. So when she ended up, the cancer ate through her pelvic bone and she was no longer able to walk.

[00:13:23] She ended up in the hospital a couple of weeks before I had left work because just everything was building up. And then it ended up the timing was perfect because in January I had to clean her apartment out and take care of all of that. But so. Yeah, that's and then she passed away in April of 2024. And at the end of April, April 30th, and I was here by June 15th in Nova Scotia. So it was a quick escape.

[00:13:52] Get away from it all. So, yes, it was it was an interesting journey. But yes, it was very different. All of them are very different in the amount of time, the ways to approach it and the understanding of it all. But when you get thrown into that and have no idea what to do, that's what I struggled with the most. So my goal is. Go ahead.

[00:14:22] My goal is that nobody has to struggle through it alone and not know what the tools are. Some of the tools to at least help them move forward with it. So. OK, so. So that's you've handled a lot, graciously and lovingly. And I can feel just by the way you talk about it, you know, how much.

[00:14:48] How much it can mean to be able to be present in there, you know, it's hard, but, you know, but some people would say I can't do that. But you and you to be able to say I'm willing to do that. I have a brother who cannot do it. And struggles with it every step of the way and all of them. And he's just stayed in the background and he would literally say, God bless you. And I'd be like, can you do something?

[00:15:16] So I made him set dates where he would go visit. But yes, he was. Yeah, he was like, wait, no, can't do this. So. Yeah. OK, so that led you to be inspired. Yes. Yes. Of being able to bring that experience forward into a written form of the book. So can you tell me how you came to that realization?

[00:15:44] So when I first came to Nova Scotia, we had taken my friend had taken a barn and started making it into a tiny home for me. So it wasn't completely done when I came here. So that's what I worked on initially. And then we we got into the markets in Sydney. So I was going back and forth to the markets and on off market days, I was working on the bunkie. And then that was kind of what I was doing. And when that was all done in the end of October, it was kind of like I sat there and just went, OK, what just happened?

[00:16:14] My world just went. So I I leaned into God and I just and I kept getting this. You need to share. You need to share this information. You need to get it out there. So I sat down and just started. Putting the stories together and doing some research on like the steps of it all. And. Did I use AI a little bit? Yes.

[00:16:43] To clarify things and edit things? Yes, I did. But it was just really to get it out there so that people could understand and get some support for what they're dealing with. So. But God was definitely a push. It was just it was a constant like do this. And I'm like, OK. So.

[00:17:04] And I think that's I mean, that same insight and intuition would have been guiding you to support your family all the way along as well. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. And I think that for those people listening, that when that calling is there and to be open to the discoveries that you're going to have about yourself. Well, and I think it's really interesting because the journey with my sister was the closest journey with God.

[00:17:33] And I like Jim's was like we had talked about like his beliefs and all that. But with my sister, she was already involved in our church. She got baptized in October of 2023. And like she couldn't get up into the font. So they literally put a baby pool on the floor and put her on a chair and dumped water on her. So it was like it was a different journey. And the final moments were a God moment altogether. Like it's in the it's in the book.

[00:18:02] But I literally was it was 145 in the morning and I was starting to doze off. And I'm like, God, don't let me miss this. And. I just kind of closed my eyes. I was listening to her breathing. And then all of a sudden I heard that flat line sound and I sat up and I looked over and she took a breath. I'm like, OK. And then I realized that was her last breath. But the God moment in all of that, there's no monitors in the room. That flat line came from him.

[00:18:31] So it was like. So. When she was diagnosed, I said to him that I don't think I can do this again. And he made it the most graceful experience through it all. Sorry. That's OK. That's why we have ESRs.

[00:18:55] We have the ability to be able to let that process because there's so much so much value there. Yeah. Yeah. So. Sorry. Go ahead. That's OK. But that's also leads to the interesting piece of. Of the different experiences and being open to them being different, that they're not all going to be the same. Yes. Yes. That is very true. They're very different.

[00:19:23] Everybody's different in their experiences as well. So. Mm hmm. Now, I want to shine a light because many caregiver resources focus on burnout. Oh, yeah. And your book supports the caregivers, but also brings in the theme of relationships and why it's important to help caregivers strengthen the relationships with the person they're caring for. Can you tell me more about what that means?

[00:19:55] What I want to be able to give to the caregiver is ways and tools that that relationship stays strong. And like with my sister, we were able to say like, like our family is very direct. We don't like doctors that walk around the subject. Give us what it is. Let us deal with it. Like figure it all out. So.

[00:20:22] With my brother, our time to talk was outside or on long drives or whatever. And we were able to talk the hard subjects with my sister. It was because she was not no longer mobile when she was in the hospital. It was watching rescue shows and sheep shows and playing cribbage. And like we would we would like actually we would have the hard conversations and then we would have a game of cribbage because that was her favorite thing to do.

[00:20:51] So it's it's having the tools to be able to have those hard conversations, creating a safe space, being able to have joy in the moments. Like my kids would come in on every holiday, like or not. We don't believe Halloween is a holiday, but they decorated her bed in her room and her like everything had had a theme and St. Patty's Day and Christmas. And they just came in and decorated everything. And and she just loved it. And the nurses loved it.

[00:21:21] And it was just like it was just building those relationships that you can bring those moments in there, even in the hardest times. And I want them to be able to have the tools to know that it's OK to be raw and real. So one of the things I often speak about is flourishing and where there are moments during caregiving when you realize that despite the challenges, you and your loved ones are actually thriving together.

[00:21:51] So you've described a little bit of that process. Could you share a little bit about or your sister what what those thriving moments shifted for her? You know what I mean with that? Yeah. Yeah, I do. I think for her, just having those moments made her feel comfortable, made her feel safe. I think that's the word I'm looking for.

[00:22:20] Made her feel safe and knowing that she can have all those moments and everything was still OK. And I think she was the one that was most emotional of it all. Like, she's a very emotional person like I am. So she. She was able to like she would keep saying to me, you're not going to leave because she knew I was moving out east. So she's like, you're not going to leave until I'm gone, right? Like, you're not going to leave until I'm gone.

[00:22:48] And I'm like, no, I'm here to the end, girl. Like, I'm just like. So it was very much for her. It was just feeling safe about it all. And once she was safe and comfortable, the last conversation we had about me moving was on a Thursday. And Monday she passed away. It was just allowing her to relax and just be. And she had a great week the week before.

[00:23:17] She saw everybody she needed to see. And everybody came from her high school friends to nieces and nephews. And it was just I was with her all weekend. And then Monday I was literally going in to tell her I'm going to take a break for a few hours and then I'll be back. And walked in and the nurse was holding her hand and she was no longer conscious. So it was like, OK, I guess I'm not leaving.

[00:23:41] But yeah, it's really just about making them feel safe about their environment and about the conversations and about the people that are visiting. It's OK for them to say no if they don't want to see somebody. It's OK for them to make a list of who they want or how they want their final days to be. Like, it doesn't have it's not about us. It's about them. So my brother had a plan for his final service. My sister had a plan for hers.

[00:24:08] So it was like, how do we and I just followed that. And when somebody would say, well, let's do it. And nope, that's not what they wanted. And I would just leave it at that. So I think people need to recognize they have the right to follow what they've been instructed to do and not take on the pressures of everybody around them. And as a caregiver, those pressures can get really heavy if you have a large family. And I think that knowing it's OK to just listen to the person that wants it done their way and let it be that way.

[00:24:37] And so for my sister, I think just being safe and being able to enjoy those little moments. And there's one point where they overdosed on pain medications and she got super loopy. But when they finally got it under control two days later, we started telling her what she was doing and we laughed. Oh, my gosh, we laughed so hard that day. But just take those moments and just enjoy them. And it's hard.

[00:25:05] It's not easy, but it's necessary for everybody. So let's go back to the beginning of your caregiving journey. And knowing what you know now, what would you want to tell yourself at the start of that journey? It's OK not to be perfect. It's OK not to know what's going on. You will learn it as you go.

[00:25:35] But I don't want people to have to go through that. So that's why I did this. But for me, it's just really follow your intuition. When you feel something's not right, it usually is not right. And my sister's first oncologist was horrible. And she leaned back in her chair and leaned on her desk and said, oh, it's terminal. There's nothing we can do.

[00:26:05] And I just went. We left there and my sister said, no, I'm not going back to her. And I said, nope, you're not. And she didn't. So it was just really. Yeah, I just don't want people to have to guess. Right. And just, yeah, it's a hard path. It's not an easy path. And that's why I called when I originally wrote the book, it was called Path of Courage.

[00:26:38] But when I started reviewing it and did it and adding my mom's story and doing that, I realized this is more of a guide than anything. So we changed the name and did the book cover differently. And yeah, so. But it really is about. Giving the tools and. But for me, it was just. Just do it and see where it goes and figure it out on the way. That's. But just know that it's not. It's not always going to be perfect and it's not always going to be easy. And.

[00:27:08] You just have to take those moments and recover from them. Mm hmm. So. Mm hmm. Now, your workshop is exploring that open communication. So what does healthy communication look like between the caregivers, loved ones and health care professionals? I know you've described different scenarios, but in what way are you able to help mold that healthy communication? So.

[00:27:37] I did write a little note on that. I think with the healthy communication part of it or the open communication is number one, making it a safe space. That they feel that they can openly talk privately and not be interrupted. And really just.

[00:28:09] Sorry, I lost my thought. It's like, give me one second. Okay. Okay. I had notes on it and I put it away and I shouldn't have, but. Encourage them to talk about their feelings. I think with open communication, you have to be able to express how you feel. And they be comfortable with it.

[00:28:37] But first of all, they need to be able to express how they feel. And what they're struggling with. And be honest is the biggest part. Like for us, like I said, we're a direct family. We want to know what's going on. We don't want any fluff around it. But the more fluff you put into it, the harder it is to decipher what is real. So just be honest, be real and open to having those hard conversations.

[00:29:10] So what I'm going to introduce here now is the wellness tool number two. And this, I do this while I'm listening on podcasts, while I'm listening to people share their story. But I use this also in meetings. And if I can't get out of bed in the morning or I can't go to sleep at night, that's when I like to use it. So I'm going to share this now as an additional tool. So you've been talking about communication.

[00:29:37] And before we communicate with someone else, sometimes we have to communicate with ourselves first, connecting in. So this tool, you're going to cross one foot over the other foot. So the ankles will cross. And then you can take your hands and you can cross the hands over and turn them so that the fingers can connect. So it's a cook's hookup. So for those people listening to the podcast, if you heard me say that before, you might know this already.

[00:30:05] But if you haven't, I've just interlinked my fingers. Now, if that's not possible, you can just cross your hands over your chest and your fingertips will just kind of fall at your collarbone. And if you can cross your fingers or you cross your hands and link your fingers, you can bring them in and bring them up towards the chest without taking away a microphone. And otherwise, you can just leave them down in your lap, whichever is comfortable.

[00:30:33] And your tongue just goes to the roof of the mouth, which is connecting a whole bunch of energy centers. And you just hang out. So I'm just going to share that little piece because you've talked about a lot of things, Sandy. And some people who are listening because they came because they're caregivers and they want to have that. I'm sure that there's been some stories that have been drummed up. So this is a way to calm the whole system down, similar to ESRs.

[00:31:00] And it's going to communicate between both hemispheres of the brain, which helps people then to brainstorm new ideas, take the logic side of the brain with the creative side of the brain and interconnect that, which provides us with new insights. And it's a great way to, like I said, help someone's having trouble sleeping. So a caregiver not able to lie down and rest. This can be very helpful. Even if they don't go to sleep, they just kind of stay semi-conscious.

[00:31:29] It's still an awesome opportunity to just find that calmness within. And it can be supportive also to the person being cared for. This can be a great thing. And just might be that you have to place their limbs into the position, and that's okay too. But it'll help with looking at new situations. So, okay, so now I want to shift this. So we're holding this pose.

[00:31:54] So the body's able to realize the full potential. So you can calm if you want. You're answering questions. But those people listening, if they're not driving a car, they have the opportunity to sit in the first part of Cook's Hookups. So have there been moments where simply calming yourself completely has changed the interactions that you're having with loved ones? So has there something for you that has happened in that way? Yeah.

[00:32:24] Yeah. So with my sister and I, her appointments were like an hour away from her home. So we had the appointments, the decisions were made. And then we had that hour drive to go. So some drives were very quiet. And things weren't said. And other drives, it was like she wanted to just totally release everything. So it's like, let's go get Arby's.

[00:32:54] So, but a lot of times if we were just looking for a peaceful moment, we would drive down to the river, sit at the river, and then just have light conversation. But that's my piece is water. Anywhere around water is my piece. But even if I felt like a conversation was getting hyped, I would interact something to change that for a time and then go back to that conversation.

[00:33:23] Whether it was like, oh, maybe we need a drink or maybe we need to go for a walk or go outside or like she loved going outside. So I put her in the wheelchair and take her outside. But just those moments allowed her the ability to kind of break from it for a little bit. It's very hard on them as well as the caregiver. But for my siblings, they were looking at end of life.

[00:33:50] So those conversations were tough. Some people are looking at end of life. But those conversations are still difficult because that person now has restrictions or redevelopment or something that they have to work back through. And that is challenging enough in itself as well. So I think for me, it was just finding a calm break from what the tough moment might be and then coming back to it later. And that seems to help a lot.

[00:34:22] So that's beautiful. And now I'm understanding why you came to Nova Scotia. Oh, yeah. Everybody can see me going back to Ontario and I'm like, why? Yes, my kids are there and I do miss them tremendously and they are going through their own issues. But I do find that I find peace here.

[00:34:48] And the location I'm living at won't be permanent, but it will be for now. So we'll go from there. So now I'm going to invite everyone to move to the second part of Cook's Hookups. So you've been a figure eight pattern. But now I'm going to invite you to take your feet, put them together side by side. And then your fingertips go together, bringing your hands together.

[00:35:16] So for those people listening, again, if you're driving the car, you can't quite do this. So you'll be able to work with it later. But those fingertips can go to three places. So you can put one would be in front of the belly, nice and easy. And that just is going to balance the way the energy is flowing in the body. We can bring it to the throat, which allows or the heart.

[00:35:39] You go to the heart, the heart centered and bring it to the throat where we're wanting to express ourselves in a certain way. This might be a way to be able to find our voice when it's hard to find it. Just exactly what you were describing. And then the third one is third eye. So you can bring your thumb up towards your brow and then hold the hands there. And that can provide insights. So depending on what you want to do, you can place your hands in different positions. For now, I'm just going to put my fingertips together in front of the belly.

[00:36:08] This is what I usually do if I'm working, if I'm on a call or listening in on a conversation online. So what I want to take you to the next part is what surprised you most about caregiving and what it gave back to you? Can you reflect on that? I think mostly it was the relationships with the people like my brother and my sister. They're both seven and eight years older than me.

[00:36:37] And growing up, we had very different lives. And so I never really had like super strong relationships with them. As I started caring for my sister as she got older, then we started building that relationship pretty strong. So that was, and as the last year, I honestly have to say the last, we laughed more in the last year of her life than we did our whole life together.

[00:37:05] Because we played cribbage so much. And she got, I beat her so many times. Our pastors would come in and visit her and she'd have them pray for her to beat me. But we just laughed so much. And even Jim, we always had close moments. But there's a lot of his life I didn't really know about because he was on the road all the time. He was a truck driver.

[00:37:30] So we just had conversations that I would never have had or moments that I would never have had. And I think that that itself is pretty special. And my kids too. My kids were there. So they got to have those moments with them as well. I love that. And I think sometimes we don't realize that even though there are those last moments and you think, oh, there'll be, it's the last moment.

[00:37:56] It might be the most important one of all the years. Yeah. And to be present for that rather than avoiding because you can't handle it. Yeah. Which hopefully these techniques are helping. I wanted to bring a different idea around in that many caregivers will carry guilt. And that's because all of us, right? Have we done enough? Were we enough?

[00:38:26] You know, I could have done it differently. Hindsight is always there. What would you just say to someone listening today who feels that maybe they just are not enough? I felt like that with my mom a lot because I was an hour and a half away from her. I just became a single mom. And trying to, and I had no support financially from my ex. So trying to financially support driving an hour and a half with my kids and just trying to figure out that it didn't happen as often as I would have liked it to.

[00:38:56] We were very close in the years prior to her, like her change. But yeah, so that was a challenge. But at the same time, I was there the day she passed away. I wasn't there at the moment because I left to go get food. And of course she did it when I wasn't there. Of course she would. But I think you have to forgive yourself.

[00:39:26] I think that's the most important thing. You did what you could. Because if you really could do more, you would have done it because that's the caregiver's heart. And you just have to forgive yourself to realize that those moments that you had with them are your moments between you and them. And nobody else can take that away from you.

[00:39:53] So for me, it's just like I would take my mom as she was because there were days where it was like my daughter when she was born, my youngest, was me. And my middle brother was my dad. And the year before she died, she was non-communicable, but she could express. And I was joking the one day with her and she started laughing. And when I told my brother, he couldn't believe it.

[00:40:21] And I'm like, so he came the next day and we did it. And she started laughing. And I'm like, you can't tell me there's not something in there. So it's like you just take the moments as they're there. And you just really try to enjoy those moments. And yes, at the end, they may not be able to communicate or able to express, but they know that you're there. And I think you have to understand that part of it. Wow.

[00:40:50] All right. Let's shift this over to your workshops. Oh, yes. So we can talk a bit about that. So when someone is going to arrive to the workshop, because I know what people will be thinking. They're like, I'm a caregiver. I don't have time for that. So they can arrive exhausted. They could be overwhelmed, wondering whether they have anything left to give. Why does it you want them to leave with at the end? What hope has changed inside them?

[00:41:19] I want them to feel inspired, supported. They're not doing that. They know that they're not doing this alone. Like I want I want them to make connections with people that are in the group, that if they're if they need somebody to reflect on, that there's somebody else there that they can reflect on. Or even if it's me, like they need to send me an email and I need to respond to something, then I would. And renewed.

[00:41:42] I think the most of the thing is renewed because it takes when you're exhausted like that and you can't barely breathe a moment into your day and you are taking time out for yourself. The best thing that you can take from that is to be inspired and renewed to move forward. And that to me, it would be the most benefit that I would want them to take from it all. Beautiful. Beautiful.

[00:42:09] I'm going to I didn't put this in, but I feel like it needs to go here. So one more. This would be another wellness tool. So if you take your hand and just place it over your heart and your other hand over your belly, because a lot of times we don't get to process emotions, but this is a nice way for the heart to connect with the belly where we do process. The stomach is our digestion of emotions.

[00:43:12] So just holding that space. Give yourself grace. Give yourself moments. Because that's one thing my sister would always say, if you need to take a moment, take a moment. It was just like. So we had that between us. If you need me to leave for a minute, you let me know. If you need me to go for whatever, you let me know. Or if I need to take a moment, I'll let you know. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:43:35] I think it's really important that they see themselves as doing something so personal. That they need to be able to cherish those moments. And if it's overwhelming and it's stressful, which it is, it's not easy. But at the same time, there's got to be a moment for them to take a break.

[00:44:03] And I think that's really important. And a lot of people don't understand. Part of the workshop is how to make that happen. And I don't want to go too much into it, but people would be surprised if they sat down and wrote out everybody around them, how they could make those moments happen. And I think that the opportunity is that they need to find ways to do that.

[00:44:33] Beautiful. Beautiful. Okay. So I'm going to direct this to everybody listening. I'm just going to go into some reflection. So earlier, I had invited everyone to notice one thing that might make caregiving feel lighter. So as you've listened to all the beautiful things that Sandy's had to share, take a moment now to see if anything has shifted.

[00:45:03] Has a new possibility appeared? And has hope become just a little bit easier to find? Because sometimes the smallest shifts in awareness, they'll be the beginning of a completely different journey. And to be open to that, but also to even notice. Because sometimes we just go into, oh, it's always like this. But to actually come back and notice and to be present. So as you're listening, I invite you for that.

[00:45:31] Sandy's gone to have another sip of tea. Which is exactly what I was going to do. And that's bringing the herbs in and allowing the herbs to make that shift happen. So I'm also going to have my sip. I'll have another one. And yeah, so I try to sip throughout the podcast so that as ideas come forward, we're always changing and allowing that flow to come back to it.

[00:45:58] So now, Sandy, I know that this podcast is going to go out for people to find anytime. Okay. You have a workshop coming up, but I think the most important is how do people connect with you so they can find out about your workshop schedule and get registered?

[00:46:22] They can connect with me through my email, which is pathofcourage26 at gmail.com. And then are you putting a listing of the phone number down below? I can put that in, yes. Sure. Yeah, if you go on to the podcast and down below, there'll be a link to the registration and a phone number that if you want to reach out and have a conversation, I'm happy to do that with you. Beautiful.

[00:46:52] Awesome. Awesome. And so we're releasing this podcast in time for your workshop that is happening on what? July 24th to the 26th at Reach Church in Port Hawksbury. So for those people living on Cape Breton Island, it is well worth the journey down to Port Hawksbury to spend two days with Sandy and really connecting and finding the information out.

[00:47:16] And if you're not a caregiver now, but you know that down the road, that may be a role that's already kind of coming to light. You don't want to miss this opportunity, but also if you know that down a bigger road, that's going to happen, or you can be supporting other people who are caregivers just by being present for them.

[00:47:37] This will be a great opportunity for you to come in and learn some of these ideas and skills and get them in place before you go into the overwhelm of what do I do now? And so this is such a proactive way of thinking about what you can do. Okay. Do you want to say, go ahead? Sorry. I said the book is available as well. They can buy the book online on Amazon. So it's just Caregiver's Guide. Caregiver's Guide and it's Sandy Andres. Andres. Yeah.

[00:48:07] It's like address with an N. Easy to remember. So. Perfect. Perfect. Okay. So you've got a contact. You have dates for workshops. You've got a book that you can find. Sandy is willing to have a conversation to support you where you need to go. So you are not alone. You do have a connection and you always have a connection at the Greenwell Center as well.

[00:48:33] Lots of resources that are available to support you on your journey too. So Sandy, thank you for following that intuition, the path God placed before you. And, you know, taking on the courage to write a book. That's not an easy feat. And it's one thing to write it. It's another thing to market it. So getting it out there and sharing it is such an incredible journey too. So I appreciate that you've done that. Thank you for that.

[00:49:03] Well, I thank you for this time. It's the first podcast I've ever done. So I hope I did okay. Absolutely. And the book was terrifying to publish. I just want to say that. But I'm glad I did it. And I'm glad I'm following God's lead on this. So I appreciate you having me in. So for everyone listening, today we began with an intention. We created awareness. We experienced, I've written down two tools. We actually did three.

[00:49:32] And Cook's Hookups had two parts to it. So you have three wellness tools that you've got in your toolbox. And then we had this incredible journey of discovery for grace and courage. And I just want to remind you that caregiving isn't about giving yourself away. It's about allowing your own well-being to remain nourished so that compassion can continue to flow naturally towards those people that we really love and want to do justice for.

[00:50:01] And this is a very generous action that we can take. So again, you've got Sandy's Caregiver's Guide for upcoming workshop. And if today's conversation touched your heart, please subscribe to Be Well with Dr. Michelle Greenwell on YouTube or any of the podcast platforms. And until next time, may you continue to discover the wellness that isn't found in perfection.

[00:50:28] It's found in small intentional choices that reconnect us. And it's with that we find hope, purpose, resilience, and of course, one another. Be well, everyone. And thank you, Sandy. You're welcome. Take care. Thank you for listening to Be Well with Dr. Michelle Greenwell. There are a couple of resources I want to just point out. When you go to the website, greenwellcenter.com, you'll have a pop-up window.

[00:50:58] That pop-up gives you the top eight easy stress releasers that you can use every day. That's something you can put beside your computer, the bathroom mirror, beside the bedside table. A great resource. Also, my YouTube channel. It is full of playlists with all kinds of different ways that you can activate energy and bring vitality into your day. You can find that when you go to YouTube at Michelle Greenwell.

[00:51:26] And last, if you're a Linktree person, Linktree, L-I-N-K-T-R dot E-E slash Greenwell Centre. That has all my resources in one spot. Those are for intricate little things that you can't get everywhere. And it's a wonderful way for me to be able to share all the different aspects of the kind of work I do. So thank you for listening. Be sure to drink that tea.

[00:51:54] And if you want to have the tea blend that was shared in the podcast today, then be sure to check out kbrettontea.ca. Have a wonderful day.