Why Your Future Begins With the Way You Think

[00:00:04] Welcome to the D Shift Podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get this shift started.

[00:00:21] Hello and welcome to this episode of the D Shift Podcast. And today we're going to talk about something that I think is really important. Mindset, creating positive change and managing difficult transitions are all kind of in the wheelhouse of my guest today.

[00:00:38] Trace Vita is a transformational executive leadership and life success coach with over 30 years of experience in empowering high achievers to elevate their lives, businesses and their impact. She's a former attorney, a sales professional and private wealth advisor.

[00:00:57] And she really helps clients get through change, streamline their lives and make better decisions with even and even creating more time in their life so that they can really enjoy life. So, Trace, welcome. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much, Marty. It's a pleasure.

[00:01:16] And I love the idea that you are talking about the whole you can create this success in your life, even when you're going through difficult transitions or when you're having to make maybe unplanned shifts in your personal or professional life. So I just think this is fantastic. What got you into this area of focus?

[00:01:39] Well, you know, it's probably because I've been through some pretty major transitions in my own life. So, you know, starting as an attorney for 10 years and then getting into sales and then financial advising for 20 years.

[00:01:58] What I recognize now that I didn't recognize then was that I was really going through a lot of patterns that were running in my life and in my subconscious mind. That I was really I was I was pushing I was pushing to fill a role that I thought I was fully capable of doing. I was I was capable. I was smart. My dad was the lawyer, for example.

[00:02:27] And but I didn't love the law. And I and it was just so it was I couldn't put my finger on why why I couldn't find that, you know, long term home, if you will. But when I shifted out of that, I I found that I was tapping into just my personal skills when I got into sales and communication. And I just found that that was more my wheelhouse.

[00:02:56] And then I got back into the corporate and I did the burnout thing again, you know, with financial services. And I wanted to be in a place in my life where I loved my life. Right. And that I loved what I did, that I loved my career and how I was spending my time and that I was I was done with that way of living. Right.

[00:03:18] And that I wanted to design my life to look exactly and be exactly what I wanted it to be. And so that's kind of I've gone through major personal shifts, tremendous personal growth. Certainly, you know, my own journey as well as, you know, the the coaching and the training around that.

[00:03:41] But just my own journey into understanding that it's really who we are being, who who we are showing up as in our life that creates the results that we get. And they all begin with our thinking. So I've really done some major transformation with my own thinking. And I love helping helping others realize how essential that is to creating new results.

[00:04:10] Yeah. And this is such an important topic because I work with women quite often in the very early stages of divorce. And one of the first questions I always ask is, what do you want to be doing a year after your divorce, five years after your divorce, 10 years after your divorce? And if and I lose a lot of clients right with that first question, because they're like, I don't want to focus on that. I want to just get through the divorce. Well, the problem is, if you just get through the divorce, how do you know you got what you need to do what you want to do on the other side of divorce?

[00:04:39] So I really think this whole idea of being open to understand that you are the creator of your life and you have the opportunity to, whether you like the name, the word manifest or design or implement, whatever term works for you. But it's got to start with you. And that's why I think your message is so important. Yeah, thank you. Absolutely. Absolutely.

[00:05:08] And I think, you know, a lot of times when people are in the midst of divorce, you know, they can't even imagine what life might look like after that for a variety of, you know, just processing. But I think that, yes, eventually when someone can imagine a path forward, that they want to create that, right? Right. They want to actually create their path forward.

[00:05:33] That's really where I can help people because it is at that point that you, you know, I have a system that, you know, is, is help helps people design a life they would love. Right.

[00:05:46] And all the different elements of that and what it looks like and having, developing that clarity and understanding that these, these, you know, limiting beliefs we have and paradigms around what we can and can't do or what we can and can't have in our lives. Those are running and have run in our, in our subconscious for so long. Right.

[00:06:10] And understanding, having tools to, how to, how to deal with those when they come up and they will come up. Anytime you're creating something new and you're actually, you know, you're, you're doing something you haven't done before or in the way that you're doing it, you know, as a single person or as a now going back to work person or whatever it is.

[00:06:37] These are all changes that kind of make our, our nervous system kind of set off alarms. And so having tools and understanding how to, how to deal with that and, and how to move forward and how to actually correct, manifest, build, create, we create the results that we create in our lives. We're creating results all the time. Yeah. Right.

[00:07:03] And, and, and they can either be what we, what we don't want or what we would love. And a lot of times people don't understand why they keep getting the same results in their lives. They're not able to shift. They're not able to, you know, it's hard and they've been talking about it forever. And, you know, all of those things that, that all originates in their thinking.

[00:07:26] And so it's, it's developing an awareness and, you know, having a curriculum where you're actually learning about how the brain works, how, how you can bring about these changes. But I like to say, you know, watch, watch what you say. Our words, we create with our words.

[00:07:47] When we say it's always hard or I'm always going to be single or I'm always, I'm never going to find someone or I'm, you know, oh my God, now I'm, you know, on my own. And whatever it is, can be about anything in our lives, right? The more we talk about it, the more we are reinforcing the fact our subconscious is always listening and it doesn't understand our intention that what we want.

[00:08:14] It just understands where we're placing our attention. Right. So if we're playing our attention, if we're focusing our attention on things that we don't want, we're actually only going to get more of that. Right. Right. A lot of people, a lot of us, we just, we just speak without really realizing what we're doing. And I like to say, it's like, you're putting your foot on the accelerator in your mind. You're thinking that's what you want.

[00:08:43] But then by your words and your thoughts, you're actually putting the brake on in your life. So you're driving with one foot on the accelerator, one foot on the brake, and you're just, you know, you're stuck. Yeah. Yeah. You're stuck. And so, yeah. And so helping people take their foot off the brake and build what they would really love.

[00:09:08] And when they start doing that, there can be just tremendous, tremendous change in a very short period of time when you know, when you have a system and you work the system and you know how to do it. And yeah, there's just so much emotion and everything tied up with divorce. And in the end, it's all those emotions. They are running. Our subconscious is running our lives. Right. Yes. Yes.

[00:09:36] And I really appreciate you talking about the fact that the subconscious, you know, if you're constantly like, I don't want this. It's, you know, have you ever, have you ever done that where you, you know, you start looking for a car and you see like a particular vehicle and you think, well, this is a terrible vehicle. I'd never buy it. And then as you're driving down the road, every vehicle that buys you is that exact same model of vehicle.

[00:10:03] And, and it's because our, our mind focuses on what we're thinking and it doesn't, the subconscious doesn't necessarily distinguish or the unconscious between positive and negative. It's just, it's just the image. So yeah. Correct. Yes. So if you say, I don't want, I don't want a partner who treats me like dirt. Well, guess what your mind hears? Oh, I just like a partner like the last one. That's what it hears. So yeah, you got to be really careful. Exactly. Exactly.

[00:10:32] And you know, when, when people have been divorced, you know, there's, there's always our, our own patterns, right? You have two people and we all human beings, we have our patterns, we have our paradigms. It's welcome to the human race, right? And it's just being aware of what they are and knowing how to neutralize them and knowing how to focus not on our circumstances, which is where people are in the middle of a divorce. They're all about their circumstances.

[00:11:02] Right. What's happening, what conditions are, you know, what, what situation they're in. And the difference there is really like that's living by default, looking to your circumstances where when it comes to creating your path forward, you're really creating your life by design. And you're, and you're living from a vision, not your circumstances. Right. Right.

[00:11:26] So it's a, you know, the thinking that has you where you are now is not going to get you to the place that you want to be. And if you allow yourself to actually dream and imagine and imagine, you know, take the lid off. Right. Because you can create any, anything you want to create. And a lot of people might say, oh my gosh, this woman's not safe. But it is, it is true.

[00:11:55] We have so much potential, so much untapped reserves and reservoirs and resources that we do not tap into. And, you know, it's, it's incredible that you can create a life you would never imagine you could create. And that's the beautiful thing. That's what I love helping people with. And, you know, this reminds me of that book. What is it called? I've just drawn a blank.

[00:12:21] You know, the universe, all the universe will conspire to bring you what you want if you just focus on it. You know which one I'm talking about? The Alchemist. Yeah. Yeah. The Alchemist. Oh, I love that book. Yeah. So do I. So do I. You know, it really does work. It's not going to happen overnight. And you still have to work really hard to get there. But if you're not, if you don't even see the potential of reaching, of creating this life that you want to live and you don't know what it is, how do you even know where to put your energies?

[00:12:50] I mean, that just makes logical sense to me that we, that, that vision. And I want to throw this out there because I hear this all the time. You know, vision boards. Vision boards are great. But if all they are, are like a collage of pictures that you just stick up on a court board and throw it up on your wall, it's a nice decoration, but that's all it is. It's really that mind work, that, that getting, getting your head into the game that's going to help you. Well, it is.

[00:13:20] It's, you know, it's, it's, it's connecting to, connecting to the, the emotion that you have in, in, you know, this place of your best life. And it's taking action. I mean, it's all, it's all about, you know, vision without action is a wishful thinking, right? That's all it is. Right. Action without a vision is not going to get you to the destination you might most love. Right.

[00:13:47] So, so having both and, and really, and, and sometimes people just don't know exactly what they want and they get stuck in the how. Well, how am I going to do that? Well, that's not going to happen. You know, yeah, right. That, that's what they're thinking. Right. And, and what we help people do is not focus on the how, but focus on the what, you know, focus on the, where you're going.

[00:14:15] And even if you don't know exactly, there are certain things we know for sure, right? That we would, we would love, you know, we would love independence. We would love to be able to travel or we would love, you know, there are things every person knows that they would love. And you begin there and you take action from where you are with what you have. You take the step that you can take from where you are with what you have. And you may have no idea.

[00:14:40] It may seem completely impossible, but it doesn't require that you know the how. Yeah. It just requires that you take steps and it opens up. It's just, you know, the system I have, it's a wonderful, you know, it's just a wonderful formula. And it works, it works, it works. And it's, you know, it helps people navigate through uncertainty. Yeah. And all the things they think they can't do.

[00:15:08] And it allows them to dream again. I think people that have gone through divorce need to be able to do that. And it actually, things can change incredibly quickly. Sometimes people think things are going to be hard and it's going to take a long time and change. But when you tap into how this works and the power that you have with your mind, because how we think determines how we feel.

[00:15:35] Our emotions come from our thinking and our actions, you know, what we do after we are feeling a certain way, we're either going to act or not act or we're going to act in a certain way or not another way. So it affects our feelings affect the actions that we take. And then obviously the actions we take affect our results. So it's the cause and effect. So everything originates, again, with those thoughts. Yeah.

[00:16:01] And really reprogramming yourself almost, right? Yeah. And it's amazing. Oh, yeah. I mean, what you said just, oh, that is more than just profound. That's like everybody should listen to that. Because I really believe this. I have a friend who wanted to start a foundation, a trust. And it was like a charity organization. And she didn't know anybody and she didn't know how to get it started.

[00:16:29] And I don't have permission to use her name or the name of the organization. So I'm not going to. But, you know, she was like this small person living in this small little town in the United States, had no contacts with anybody. But she was determined to start this. And it was amazing. Once she put her mind to it, she just sent out one email to everybody she knew and said, hey, do you know anybody that could help me with this? Because within a couple of weeks, she had three or four people.

[00:16:57] She reached out and contacted them and asked them. And before you know it, she had a major existing foundation that said, hey, we want to support you. And, you know, and now her foundation is up and running. And she's doing amazing things for school kids, underprivileged school kids. But it's just amazing, you know, within them. And here she was, you know, she said, I don't know anybody. I don't have a degree. I've never had a business. I don't know what I'm doing. And she's doing it, you know, and she's got more support than she needs.

[00:17:26] And it's phenomenal what people can do. Yeah. Yeah. The breakthroughs are absolutely incredible. You know, they can be in, you know, your career, your health, your freedom, your time, your, you know, your relationships. I mean, all kinds of breakthroughs, all kinds of transformation. And again, it's who you become in the process. Right. Right. It's you aren't the same person. First of all, we're not the same person we were yesterday. Right.

[00:17:56] Or last week. We're always evolving. And so as we evolve, as we are becoming somebody different with different awareness, and we then have the ability to create. And the more we evolve as individuals to get to the same sort of frequency as the vision that we're holding, then we're going to really see things start to shift.

[00:18:24] And it can be like quantum leaps. Yeah. Things that people think will take, you know, five years can take one year. Yeah. You know, we just, when we're open to the possibilities and we keep holding that vision and live not from our circumstances, you know, and that's just how we're wired. We're like, well, this is my situation. You don't understand. This is where I am. This is what I have in the bank.

[00:18:52] This is, you know, or I can't, I can't live that life until my kids are through school. Or I can't live that until I retire. And the bottom line is, you know, people can live and lead boldly. And you don't have to wait. I mean, people, you know, how many people do you know that they retire and then they're gone? Yeah. None of us knows how much time we have. Right. It's a precious, it's a precious, precious life. Absolutely.

[00:19:21] And so to, to not waste time doing things we don't really like and thinking ways that don't serve us, but to live fully, to live fully and self-actualized and to love, love, love, love, and really wake up feeling gratitude. Right. I think the practice of gratitude is, is the most fundamental thing that people can do.

[00:19:49] If you want to watch change happen in your life, start practicing gratitude every morning. Yeah. Tris, we have one minute left. Okay. What you, you have a, I think you have a gift for people that are listening in. I do have a gift. So free gift. It's a mindset self-assessment workbook. And, you know, it, it helps you walk through your own patterns and limiting beliefs.

[00:20:17] And if you would like a free copy, you can go to liveandleadboldly.com. Liveandleadboldly.com. Perfect. And you will be able to get that. And it's a good place to start. Thank you so much. Tris, thank you for sharing your expertise and wisdom. I know it's, it's been really insightful, a fantastic conversation and definitely things to think about. So thank you. Thank you, Marty.

[00:20:44] And thank you for listening in to this episode of the D-Shift. And don't forget to tune in to the next one. Thanks for listening and supporting the D-Shift podcast. If you would like to attend live trainings by our amazing guests and have a chance to ask questions and get answers from our experts, join the D-Shift crew. For more details and to sign up, head on over to www.divorcecoachforwomen and click on the

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