The Gift of Stepping Away: How Retreats Support Growth, Clarity, and Renewal

[00:00:04] Welcome to The D Shift Podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation, and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get this shift started.

[00:00:22] Hello, and welcome to this episode of The D Shift Podcast. I'm really excited to interview somebody that I have been in a group with for, gosh, a couple of years, I think now, definitely a year. We've never had a chance to really have an in-depth one-on-one conversation, but I really find what she does is interesting. So I want to introduce you to Ellen Whiteside. She's been the owner of the Sacred Grove Retreat Center, a sanctuary for transformation, and soul-less

[00:00:51] led living for the last 20 years. She has spent time traveling through Europe, hitchhiking, which is a very brave thing to do, where she learned manifestation through trust, intuition, and receivership in real time. And Ellen is also a dream builder coach to the Brave Thinking Institute, and she hosts her own radio show called Mindset and Miracles. So Ellen, welcome. Thank you, Marty. I was so delighted to be chosen to be on your show.

[00:01:21] Oh, well, I'm so happy to have you on my show as well, because you're talking about something we have not talked about before, which is, and I'm hoping we can touch on a bunch of different topics, but I really want to focus on the idea of why retreats are such a valuable option, particularly for women. I mean, I'm sure they're great for men too, but particularly for women when we're going through transition times in our life or difficult times.

[00:01:47] So I really, you know, I think that would be helpful. But before we get into all that, tell us a little bit about you. And I mean, you have this amazing retreat center. I've seen pictures of it. I've heard you talk about it. How did you get to this space in life?

[00:02:02] You know, it's such an interesting, you know, the transitions of life of, I look at everything in decades. So I moved from Oregon back to the East Coast, which was a huge transition when I turned 50. So it's kind of like turned 50. I needed more sunshine because Portland, it rains nine months out of the year. And I was from the East Coast. I'm like, I know it's sunny in South Carolina. I'm heading back to the South.

[00:02:31] So when I came back, I met my partner. I was a massage therapist for 15 years. And I was doing continuing ed, met my partner who we, it was a mad, you know, one of those miracle, magical relationships of we're in relationship and telling each other we love each other within 24 hours, basically almost of being together.

[00:02:57] So it was a magical, just, I felt like it was in my DNA to love this man. I didn't have a choice in the matter type thing. So we, he used to, his, his teacher or his healer, his mentor and his healer was a naturopathic physician who lived at Sacred Grove.

[00:03:20] And Tim and I were supposed to, Tim was an amazing energy worker. He could do hands-on healing and had great results with that. And we were going to come and work for Dr. D and he passed away from a heart attack at age 50. And so we tried to help his wife for a year, find somebody to take his practice over. Now I'm in the middle of nowhere. So I'm two miles off of a main road.

[00:03:46] So, you know, it's not like you're going to get drive-by traffic to go to a, especially to a naturopathic clinic 20 years ago in the South, in the middle of nowhere. Sure. Sure. Not happening. Not happening. And so Marilyn decided to sell and we had just been helping her come back and forth. We was living in Charlotte at the time. And this, we decided like, let's do it. Let's do this. So it was just, we worked really well together.

[00:04:16] She, she had gone away for a weekend and asked us if we would stay and help with this couple that was coming. So we said yes. And we realized how well that we could do that together. So it became just like that. Fantastic. And I've been here 20 years now. Wow. And it is, I mean, there are these times in life where these, the synergy of everything just, just comes together and it creates this opportunity.

[00:04:44] So I'm very unfortunate that the, that the mentor, you know, that the gentleman had a heart attack. And at the same time, it gave you this opportunity to, to step into something that you wanted to do. And my parents, my, both of my parents died during that process, during that time period. And I had inheritance money, which is why, how we got here too. Right.

[00:05:08] So when you put the little synchronicities all along the way that had to be playing out, it's fascinating how the universe aligns to make things happen for us when we're open to, to miracles happening. Absolutely. Absolutely. So Ellen, let's talk about this whole idea of retreats, because I think it, it's not a new thing, but it definitely is, how should I put it? Much more popular.

[00:05:35] Like I, I mean, I can remember 10 years ago, like when people talked about retreats, it was more like, like the yoga stuff and, and, you know, and maybe, maybe a few people that you might meet would, would have done one. But now, I mean, they're very popular. People do them all the time. So talk a little bit about that.

[00:05:55] Well, you know, it's like the land I'm on, I'm on 11 acres. My belief in this, so everything's based on me, is that I feel like TVs, television itself is just a fear mongering machine. And so much of the information on it is misinformation. There's no, a lot of no truth is, is a fear making machine. So I don't have any TVs on the property.

[00:06:21] I, I try to keep the vibration as high as possible. So I have no televisions. There's an energy vortex here, which I think really creates a magical space in and of itself. There's a meditation labyrinth. We've had so many healing, like love, like so much infusion of, of love ceremonies.

[00:06:44] And so there's a lot of just the energy to me of the land is healing. And it's the absolute perfect place for anyone that is look in a transition period, who needs time to like, to, to cry, to grieve, to be in a space of like, what, what happened? My whole life just got upended by someone possibly dying or, or divorcing, you know, it's like a lot of transition time.

[00:07:13] And there's no better time than to take care of yourself and go inward and, and go on retreat and journal and really, really, really journal and asking yourself, what would you love? You know, what, what, what's next and be open to like, it's magic. Magic is coming. Right. The universe completely always has your back as much as you might be in a devastated state and knowing on the other side of that is wonderfulness awaiting.

[00:07:41] Yeah. And so that's what I, that's what I, the kind of retreats that I'm aware of and that, you know, quite often there's, there's coaches present that facilitate work. There might be healers there that facilitate work. There may be people doing classes, you know, like actually training you how to meditate, how to, how to journal.

[00:08:02] Um, uh, and now you were talking about something really interesting. You have a labyrinth, right? On your property. Can you talk about that and how that, how that contributes to this overall healing experience? Yeah, there's a beautiful meditation labyrinth, um, here at the Grove. And so then a lot of people, you can Google it if you don't know what one is, but it's a, it looks like a maze.

[00:08:27] It looks like a crop circle. I get people calling me and saying, you know, you have crop circles on your property. So when they do Google earth, looking down at it and it's, um, so it's a way of releasing. I, I use it as a way of like, so something that I, a belief system that I'm still holding onto. So if I have any, if I go into the labyrinth with the intention, I am letting go of any unworthiness that I still may be harboring in, in, in my body.

[00:08:56] As much unworthiness work as I've done on myself to release that there's always more as like unpeeling of the onion in my world. So I just, I do it as an intentional thing of letting go of anything, or it could be letting go of a habit. Like you're like, I'm no longer going to be smoking. And you go walk into the labyrinth with the intention and the labyrinth goes back and forth and it rewires.

[00:09:21] It's designed to rewire both sides of your brain that they use it a lot of times for dog training. I've heard they use labyrinths for walking the dog and training them on certain things. So it's the going back and forth. It, it symbolizes the, that period of your life and all the, the windings and everything.

[00:09:42] And then when you get to the center of the labyrinth, that's where you just like, you stand there, you declare, I am done with this. This is not going to be a part of my world anymore. Right. And then when you walk out, you're in that new space of who you are declaring and intending yourself to be and letting go of the, whatever it is that you want to let go of.

[00:10:04] So it's a great tool for that. And that's what a lot of people, when they come for private retreats or when they're here on retreat, they use the labyrinth on a daily basis.

[00:10:14] Yeah. And I was going to say that there's a lot more research done on the importance of these rituals that combine thoughts, actions, kinesthetic movement, and, and definitely that whole bilateral stuff where you're, you know, you're crossing both your body and your brain so that you're really working on, on improving those neural pathways. So that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense. I don't. Go ahead.

[00:10:41] I was going to say, you said something really interesting and, and I want to touch on this because I think a lot of people, when they see, when they hear the word retreat, they think it's like a coach or a healer, you know, renting an Airbnb and then kind of bringing people in to participate for a weekend or a week or whatever the time thing is. But I heard you say individual retreats. What, what's an individual retreat?

[00:11:08] So I have five different places that I rent out, Marty, that are on, I have everything on Airbnb and VRBO as well. And so I have one of the, a cabin I have called the Throw Cabin that is a, it's basically for one or two people and it has a magnificent jacuzzi tub in it.

[00:11:30] Um, it doesn't have a shower and it has a composting toilet, but it's a really good composting toilet does not smell. And then it has just a, in the main living area, it has like a little refrigerator, coffee maker, toaster oven. It's not a full kitchen. It's a cabin. Right. And it has a front porch and it's, it's a magical, magical space. And it is, so a lot of people will come and they just do their own little, they just stay there.

[00:11:59] They just book it with their intention of what they're going to do when they get there. Yeah. And I am a dream builder coach. So I, a lot of times people want like some coaching sessions or just an hour of just conversation or somebody to like, to talk about whatever's going on in their life with. So I offer that to people as well. Oh, I think that's fantastic because sometimes there's not a retreat that is going to fit your needs.

[00:12:26] Or maybe you are a person that prefers more privacy to work through this stuff and you don't want to be, I mean, I've got to admit, that's one of the big things why I almost didn't go on the retreat I went on. Because I thought, I don't want to be stuck in a house with like 15 women I don't know. You know, like what, of course me, I can talk to, I can talk to anybody. I can talk to a post and have a great conversation. So, but, but it was really kind of like, I could see somebody who maybe was quite an introvert or was uncomfortable.

[00:12:57] Yeah. With that, to have that, to have that private time. Yeah. That was really interesting. And, you know, I mean, I personally, I mean, the most I can sleep like on the property itself is 25. So, it's like, I personally like retreats that would be like nine or 10 people or less. Yeah. I think you have to have that small container to create safety and trust and everything.

[00:13:25] So, I don't, I, I like small retreats. I mean, and, and I will say most of the ones that we have, like the primary retreat house, just the one retreat house, it sleeps like there's 16 beds in it. Right. And so most, you know, that's enough. The master bedroom can be used for the, for the facilitator. Or sometimes the facilitator wants it's her, her, their own space.

[00:13:50] And so they'll like the throw cabin and stay there and have all the participants be in the Grove house. Right. So, and then the way I charge is based on the number of people. It's not based on the whole entire house. If you don't need 16 beds, you don't need 16 beds. Right. You don't have to pay for 16 beds. So, I kind of create it to make it more, more cost. Affordable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:15] And that, that's wonderful because, and again, I think if, you know, if you are hearing this and you're thinking, wow, I'm really interested in doing this. These are some of the things you need to think about. Um, because I, I have a few friends who do different kinds of retreats. So, I know one of the ladies that I know quite well does what's called a silent retreat, which you don't talk like no talking. Like you, you're in a room with a lot of other people sometimes, but there is absolutely no conversation. None.

[00:14:45] Yeah. So, if that's not, if that's not your thing, you'd want to make sure that you understood that. And, um, I actually got invited to a retreat in Thailand and I'm, I wish I could have gone. It just didn't work out for the timing. But, um, there, when you go to their, to the retreat location, they actually have their own gardens. It's all vegetarian. There's no, no outside food. There's no meat. There's no alcohol. There's no TV similar.

[00:15:13] And what, what, but you actually are part of the community while you're there, which means you're helping with the harvest, with the planting, with the, so it's kind of like a, kind of like I live on a farm. It would kind of be like me going to my own place. Yeah. But, but, you know, so there's, there's all different kinds. And this is what I like about what you're offering because it's, it's, it's in the United States. It's easy to access and you still get that.

[00:15:43] You still get all of the, um, benefits of, you know, if you don't want to travel internationally, you don't have to just know, just check around and make sure you know what you're getting into when you do a retreat. That, that would be my, um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's, you know, I mean, I, I feel like absolutely one of my superpowers, Marty, and it was just from, I was just born with it. I feel like I can make any person feel welcomed. Yes.

[00:16:13] I just, prejudice just doesn't just exist for me. I just see whoever walks in front of me is who do I get to love on today? Yeah. So who comes here, I treat them as if the queen of England has arrived. You know, it's just like, I just absolutely. And so I think that is really important to be, to go to a place where you are nurtured and taken care of and you feel. Yeah.

[00:16:40] And I can say, Ellen, just from observing you interact in the group that we're in together and the way that you're so welcoming, inviting, I could absolutely see that. As a matter of fact, if you did anything other than that, I would think, what's up with Ellen today? Because that certainly would be your typical, your typical behavior. So one, we're almost out of time, but I do want to touch a little bit on the idea of maybe getting out of your comfort zone and doing some of these things.

[00:17:07] I know you mentioned that you've hiked across Europe. You've focused on learning how to manifest and really be in touch with your intuition. Tell us a little, you got about three minutes to tell us whatever you want to tell us about that. I know that's hardly enough time, but. Hey, let's see. Well, you know, with my, my radio show Mindset and Miracles, I mean, just in my world, everything starts with mindset and it's the Henry Ford thing.

[00:17:34] If you think you can, you can, if you think you can't, you can't. Yeah. And you are the one, you're the director. What I've realized so much, whatever is happening in my world, I am the director of that. I have put everyone in that, in my movie. They're all playing their part that I have agreed that they get to play. So I take full accountability for everything happening in my world. And that is, and it's a, I mean, it's a powerful place to stand. And it's like, really?

[00:18:04] I am that powerful? Yes. And I think that's one of the things that we don't realize. We are so powerful when we put our mind and intention onto what it is we really want to create in our life. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think, I think we could probably do a whole hour just on this topic because you're right. Mindset is so important. And particularly for the listeners of this podcast, when you're going through something really difficult,

[00:18:32] how you approach each and every day has a big impact on how the day rolls out. You know, if you get up in the morning and think, oh crap, I've got to deal with this and this and this. And I don't want to talk to this person and this person think you're going to have a terrible day. I guarantee you. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I'll say one word that I was talking to a friend of mine and she told me, she's a coach, told me to eliminate it completely was the word hard. Because when we put everything, when I would put anything into the hard category, it wouldn't get done. Right.

[00:19:02] I would do something and I go, oh, this is hard. I'd say hard. And then I would just like immediately it would cause me to shut down, to not do it. And so I thought I changed it to easy. Even if it's not, I say it's easy. And I did it and I had an immediate like cosmic karmic reaction in a good way on something I've been procrastinating for a long time and had put in the hard category. Yeah.

[00:19:30] And when I did it, I got an immediate confirmation from the universe. Yes. This is what you need to be doing. And it was like, wow. You know, it's like, and I, yeah. Oh, that's fantastic. That's a great. So Ellen, if people do want to find out more about your retreat center or about your coaching services and what you do, what's the best way to reach you? Can they see that? Could they take a thing? Yeah. If you hold it really super still. Okay. Whoa.

[00:20:00] All right. There it is. Grab that QR code. Okay. And if you're listening on the podcast and you can't see it, I'm going to get Ellen to send me a link to put in the show notes. That's great, Ellen. We got it. Okay. And then this is, I don't know if they can see people that can see it. This is a shows all the five places that I rent out. Great. Great.

[00:20:25] Do you have a, do you have, do you have any final words of, and what I'll do is for those of you listening on podcasts that are going, what are they doing? What are they doing? I'm going to get some links from Ellen and I'm going to make sure they're in the show notes. So you're not missing one on anything here. Ellen, what's your last words of wisdom you want to leave people with?

[00:20:46] The last words of wisdom would be, you know, I think there's so much, there's so much chaos, you know, just out in the ethernet right now that it's a perfect time for people to go on retreats. And I would say, number one, all the women in the world out there who have been giving and giving and giving and giving and giving their whole entire lives. Give to yourself and, and go on a retreat and just enjoy every minute of it.

[00:21:14] What a perfect way to wrap this up. Ellen, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and all your, all the amazing features and benefits of retreats and talking about the Sacred Grove retreat. Thank you so much for coming here today. Thank you, Marty. Thank you so much. And thank you everyone for listening in to this episode of the D-Shift and don't forget to tune in again to the next one. Thanks for listening and supporting the D-Shift podcast.

[00:21:42] If you would like to attend live trainings by our amazing guests and have a chance to ask questions and get answers from our experts, join the D-Shift crew. For more details and to sign up, head on over to www.divorcecoachforwomen and click on the podcast page.