The Neuroscience of Self-Sabotage (And How to Stop It) w/ Jennifer K. Hill

[00:00:00] Did you know that one in every three people is an asshole? If you look to your left, you look to your right, and you don't see an asshole, that asshole might be you and you might not even know it. Jennifer Hill is an executive coach with more than 20 years of experience helping leaders grow without sacrificing well-being, relationships, and who they are at their core. I didn't realize I was an asshole. I thought I was a good person. My dream is to help everybody with this. People aren't misbehaving. They're just designed differently.

[00:00:28] You often talk about leading your life like a CEO. What does that mean? People might have radical success in their business, but we don't know how to be CEO of life. We want to connect people to what I call the golden triangle of connection. Deep intimacy and connection with self allows for deep intimacy with everybody you meet, which allows for deep intimacy into your purpose. You have done such a fantastic job with your network. How do you filter people? There is an actual secret. This is how it goes.

[00:01:03] I am so excited. I told you I woke up. I'm like giddy today. Oh, Hilary, it's such a pleasure. I didn't even call you Jennifer. I call you Jen, so we're just going to go there. No, Jen, Jennifer. I jokingly say my first company was called J Hill Staffing that I exited. It was an accidental company I built, and my nickname became J Hill. And what was hilarious was people who knew me for decades would call me Jill. And so I'm like, Jill, Jen, Bob, I really don't care. It's like, I'm the same person no matter what you call me.

[00:01:33] Okay. So I want to dig in. I've only got, you know, a short amount of time. I think I would love to have you on for an entire day, an entire workshop. There's so much here, but I want to start where at the beginning, this is a big part of this show. What has been the biggest relaunch moment that really shaped who you are today? What was happening in your life at that time?

[00:01:58] And as you share it, what do you want someone listening to kind of take away from that part and that version of you? If I may, Hillary, I'm going to go on a limb here, and I'm going to give your listeners three relaunch moments that all tie into resilience if you're open to that. Does that work? Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that. So the first relaunch I had was when I discovered I was an asshole. So there is the book I was talking about.

[00:02:26] Well, we'll start with the asshole because that was the first relaunch I had in my life is I didn't realize I was an asshole. In fact, there's a talk I used to give at corporations that's how to deal with an office asshole. And I would literally start the talk by saying, did you know that one in every three people is an asshole? That means if you look to your left and if you look to your right and you don't see an asshole sitting nearby, that asshole might even be you and you might not even know it. I know I certainly didn't. And then I would like kind of get into this. Everyone now realizes why I'm having you on the show.

[00:02:56] That is the greatest beginning because that is you right there. Yeah, and people would laugh. Right on the table. Oh my God. So I didn't realize I was an asshole. I thought I was a good person up until I'm 23. And there was many indicators now looking back and having self-awareness and maturity, right? But here I am. I'm 23. I'm dating a really hot guy, like smoking hot, Brad Pitt, Legends of the Fall hot, right? And he starts three months into our dating. He does his personal development class.

[00:03:25] And he's like one of those guys standing on a soapbox saying, the end is near, but if you go take this class, your life will change. And I'm like putting up with it and putting up with it. I'm like, fine, I'm going to do the class. He's like, yay. And I said, to prove it's a cult. And he's like, fine, they're still going to transform you. So I show up day one, Hillary, of this class. And it's a three-day class. And you're supposed to get your whole life back.

[00:03:50] And this man and woman are teaching this class, 150 people in a beige room outside of LAX. And the man who's co-facilitating it says to the audience at 9.30 a.m. on the Friday, does anybody have any questions before we begin? My hand shoots up in the air. And he kind of looks out in the crowd. He says, yes, the woman out there in the Vaughn Bitch t-shirt. I literally had Vaughn Bitch emblazoned in magenta across my bosom. It was a brand at the time in LA.

[00:04:16] And so I was like, how would you respond to the fact that this, meaning the class, is a cult? He looks at me, gives me a little side eye and a chuckle. He says, if it is a cult, it's the best damn cult you'll ever join. Next question. I am sitting there, Hillary. What a great response. Yeah, so that weekend, this was literally the first huge relaunch. There have been a handful in my life, but this was the one that really catalyzed me.

[00:04:42] So at that point, to give your listeners context, I'd been bulimic for seven years. I had tried to take my own life three times. I hated myself. I was drinking all the times. I was doing drugs to excess. I was really miserable. I did have a hot boyfriend, so there was that, and a pretty successful career. But I really hated myself. So here I am. And this weekend, people are getting huge breakthroughs in their life. They're having breakthroughs in their family and their relationships and all of that. And I am sitting there, arms crossed, being what I call a judgy bunny, stewing in self-righteousness.

[00:05:12] Being like, these people got problems. I have my stuff sorted, right? So the class comes to its culmination where everybody gets to cheer you on that you've radically transformed your life. But the problem was I kind of had like earmuffs on the whole time and was ignoring everyone. So my boyfriend's sitting next to me, his friends who introduced him, and the woman, tall Aussie woman who comes up, who was facilitating, comes up. And she leans in and she says, are you going to do that advanced class? And I looked at her and I said, sweetheart, darling, it was stifling enough having sat in this room the last three days.

[00:05:42] Do you really think I would put myself through this hell again? And she looks at my boyfriend and he shakes his head and kind of does the throat cutting like, uh-uh. She's like, it took me eight months just to get her to do this one. And this was the moment that my life relaunched and changed. I looked at my boyfriend. I said, this is an at-will relationship. You can leave any time you want. She looks at me. Powerful. And she says, you are one of the most powerful women I've ever met in my life, except you know what? You are a nasty thing.

[00:06:10] You are like Godzilla walking through a city with a huge tail swinging behind you, knocking down buildings wherever you go. Except guess what? Those aren't buildings. Those are people whose lives you're destroying. She looked at my boyfriend and said, leave her. It's what she needs. And walked away. Huh? I kid you not. I know, right? Jen! Damn! Yeah, so after I picked my job off the floor, I didn't know if this woman was high or hallucinating. I'm like, I thought I was a good person. I gave to charity. I helped the homeless.

[00:06:39] I was like, I thought I was a good person up until that moment. So this is why I relaunched. So I go into my office the next day where I'd already been working for a year. There's about 25 people. It wasn't my company at the time. It was somebody else's. And I just kind of sheepishly before our meeting starts, I was like, guys, I have a question. Did by any chance maybe have I been condescending or mean or rude to any of you while we've been working together? The office goes so quiet you can hear a pin drop. Until one woman erupts in laughter and says,

[00:07:07] Jay Hill, you are only the most condescending, demeaning bitch we've ever met in our lives. And we have no idea how you're successful. Like, you cannot make this up. Oh my God! Jen, I haven't heard that part of it! Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you that. What if the next version of your life isn't missing? It's waiting for you to say yes. Relaunch to a Rich Life Live where inspiration turns into identity and clarity turns into momentum.

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[00:08:00] Join us at relaunchtoarichlife.com and experience Relaunch to a Rich Life Live. Oh, okay. So you're sitting there. Hold on. We talk about identity shifts all the time. So you are in that point of you just got completely blasted with your current identity is like, bitch girl, I know you're going to go into this.

[00:08:29] And you're being told it left and right. So identity shift in order to even like get into that next. What were you thinking? Like how did you take it? What came next? Kim, what came next is the journey I've been on now for 20 years of self-development. My practice has grown and grown into two hours of prayer and meditation and reflection and 180 tools that I use on myself and clients of how not to be a dick to myself, to others, to my husband.

[00:08:58] I have an amazing husband now. I've been together eight years with. And my wish for all of humanity, Hillary, is that I wish I could gift everybody the deep intimacy, friendship, and love I have with my now husband to every human on the planet to find that friendship and love and whatever people want. And part of that, people say, why do you spend two hours a day in prayer and meditation so I don't destroy myself in the world? Because I know it's like we have great capacity for light and great capacity for dark.

[00:09:24] And actually, the Recovering Asshole book that will come out probably later this year around December or November, my late co-founder, Julian Adler, and that was actually my third transformation. So a relaunch, I guess we'll call it. I'm going to rewind to that one. Julian Adler radically changed my life. So I found out I was an asshole. But believe it or not, not being an asshole is much harder than you think. So even about five, six years after that, I start building my first company. I don't know how to manage two sticks. I don't know how to regulate myself. I don't know anything about resilience.

[00:09:52] And so I go start to build my first company. I'm one of my childhood best friends. The only business thing I'd ever read was this yellow book on how to build a small business for dummies that my best childhood friend gave me, right? So I start to be really successful really fast. And all the people who worked with me at that first company, one by one, start asking to come work with me. I'm like, sure. I don't know how to manage a business. I don't know how to do payroll. I don't know how to do any of it. So I thought, Devil Wears Prada. I mean, that's clearly the role model that we all look up to, right? So here I am. I'm building the first company.

[00:10:21] And people are like, well, how big of an asshole were you? I literally, Hillary, once sent an email, all in caps, all in the subject line, like year one or two into building the company. Are you all a bunch of fucking morons? Why are you not working hard or fast or smart? Now, this is still six years after the first lady. So I was trying really hard not to be an asshole. And I thought I was just helping them to be more productive. But I really didn't know. And I didn't know. I was a... Jen. Jen.

[00:10:48] Because I know you only in the last couple years, right? And this is just like... I mean, my chin is hitting the floor right now that you did that. That that was like you thought that at that time was okay. This is why my dream is to help everybody with this. For anybody, I've shared the book with so many people. And I've even read it with my mom. There's a crazy part to that of why. But I've shared this with so many people.

[00:11:17] And it's to give all of us hope. If I can be the world's biggest jerk, like huge queen jerk of all jerks, right? There's hope for all of us. There's all tools. It came down to I didn't know I was autistic. It's not an excuse. I didn't know how to regulate my nervous system. So that was the second radical transformation and relaunch was in 2018, sold my first company, got diagnosis being on the spectrum, and went through a divorce, and then completely pivoted and wound up going on to do a 17-part series with Deepak Chopra, working with some of the

[00:11:47] top thought leaders in the world and building the current tech company I've been building, which led to the third relaunch I just mentioned about Julian. So here Julian comes into my life. He's my first ever business coach. This was probably about 14, 15 years ago as I'm building the company, realizing I'm not equipped to manage people, let alone myself. And so Julian radically changed my life. In fact, I'm dedicating the book to him. So Julian comes into my life and he starts teaching me, Jen, people aren't misbehaving. They're actually just designed differently. So here's a beautiful example of it.

[00:12:17] There was a woman who I was working with who was one of our first employees, and I got so many complaint calls, Hillary, like she's not calling me back. She's not doing this. She's not doing that. So I was getting ready to terminate her and put her on a pit. So Julian says to me one day, Jen, what if the reason that she's a disappointment is because you are looking for her to be a disappointment? How dare you? I was like, no, that is...

[00:12:43] Julian, I mean, he's in the room right now from a piece. He's right there. The veil is thin. And my God, that advice is just so accurate. It is, right? He radically changed my life. So here's the exercise. So first of all, give your listeners the science and I'll give you that. And we do that. And I have to say one really quick thing. Yeah, go right ahead. Is that ready to turn someday into now?

[00:13:09] Relaunch to a Rich Life Live is the in-person experience women called the best event they'd ever attended because clarity, confidence, and connection actually happened. Join us September 17th to the 19th in Scottsdale. Learn more at relaunch2arichlife.com. What's interesting about your relaunch journeys, the three of them, kind of like building up, is that you have...

[00:13:40] You don't make excuses for yourself. You're like, this is it. You're very like matter of fact. And here you are with this comment and you have already at this point been doing a lot of great things with a lot of the top people in the industry. And yet that resonated for like one of the first times. I'm sure you had heard it before because we all have, but it impacted you.

[00:14:07] And I want you to think back on that moment and why then? So Julian, again, it's there's, you know what you know, you know what you don't know, but you don't know what you don't know, right? And so I knew I was supposed to be a good person. I knew I was supposed to be patient and all of this, right? But I didn't understand. And actually Ishmael Tete, a famous thought leader and guru was speaking at Michael Beckwith's Agape in Los Angeles and said something similar once.

[00:14:36] He said, every day we wake up and it's like, we put on these glasses, these lenses, just like that old adage of rose colored glasses. We put on judgment colored glasses, disappointment colored glasses, blame colored glasses towards ourselves, towards others, towards the world. And I will always remember. And I'd even heard this from Ishmael before Julian said it, but I still, yeah, it's like, but it still didn't resonate. Something about at that time, you were willing to not just hear it, but listen to it.

[00:15:06] Yeah. So Julian, what I really liked about Julian, and this is something I think people appreciate about me as well, is I can go deeply spiritual or woo with people, or I can go radically scientific quantum physics neuroscience, just like you, right? You know, deep diving into all of that. And what Julian taught me at that moment is he gave me an example. He said, Jen, neuroscience wise, every second of every day, we have 11 million with an M bits of information bombarding us per second at a subconscious level.

[00:15:32] Well, consciously, we're only paying attention to 50 to 120 bits. So the analogy I've always used, Hillary, is it's akin to having a miner's helmet on in an infinitely wide pitch black warehouse where you cannot see your hand in front of your face. And the only thing you have to guide you is this itty bitty little pin light at the edge of the miner's helmet. And whatever direction you look is what you're going to see. So if I look for her to be a disappointment, she will be. So here's the crazy part of the story. So Julian gives me this advice.

[00:15:59] He says, Jen, before you terminate her, do me a favor and write down at least one good thing she does a day for the next week. At the end of the week, if you want to terminate her, cool. I'll be your biggest background. Awesome. So the first day, I'm like, she's human. The second day, I'm like, she breathes, right? So it was pretty challenging. By day three, four, and five, though, I started to really actually appreciate her and be grateful rather than judgmental or blaming towards her. By the end of that week, she was producing better than she ever had. Now get this, Hillary.

[00:16:26] She's the one who took over my company for me when I sold it. And I got to exit my company three years early and moved to Europe because she took it over. Okay. Chills head to toe. Head to toe. That is the way, and this is what you and I geek out about. It's the neuroscience behind that, right? It's the fact that we have something in our brain, the reticular activating system, that if you don't guide it to what you want to see, it will be like, you know, bat out of hell going

[00:16:56] like, you know, you think about the Tasmanian devil spinning around, it's doing everything. But when you focus on it, it's amazing what you see. And that can be in relationships. As you say, you're in this amazing relationship with your husband now. I feel the same way. I constantly look for not, you just did this, but like, wow, that was really cool. And I let him know that. And that's what you're doing. Oh, God, that was good.

[00:17:23] So you often talk about leading your life like a CEO. What does that mean to you now? Well, I meet so many people and I've worked with, you know, ultra high net worths, incredible human beings around the world, tech startup entrepreneurs, you name it. And I found one thing very clearly. Those of us who are driven and ambitious, we know how to be the CEO of a company. If we don't know, we can go read a book or chat GPT it or YouTube it, right? But what we fail to do is to be the CEO of life.

[00:17:51] And you see this time and time again, people might have radical success in their business. They might make millions or billions of dollars. You see people might be successful in another area at sports or at something, but we don't know how to be CEO of life. And so that's where I come in is I've done it. I've done the crazy late nights working, the burning myself out at both ends. And then I've realized like, what if we could be the CEO of life? My days, I often wake up, spend two or three hours prayer, meditation, reflection, go for

[00:18:19] a walk with my husband and dog, paint, meditate, qigong, dance, do whatever I want, drop in, have some calls, work with people who I love and adore, and then get up and do it all over again. And so I wish this is why people call me the fairy godmother of human connection. I want from the bottom of my heart, Hillary, to wave my magic wand and connect people to what I call the golden triangle of connection. Deep intimacy and connection with self allows for deep intimacy with everybody you meet, which

[00:18:46] allows for deep intimacy at the top of the pyramid to your purpose. And that's only possible if you first cultivate that inner understanding. And so that's my wish for every one of you listening, for anybody who's hearing this, is I wish that I could just wave my magic fairy godmother wand and you wake up and you get to love and accept yourself. And everybody, people tell me this all the time, like, how do you meet so many amazing people? We had 100%- Hold on. We're not going there yet. Wait. That is too good, but we're not going there yet.

[00:19:15] Because first off, I don't know if you know that for years I was called the MFG, the Midlife Fairy Godmother. I love it. I did know that. And I actually have a photo shoot where I am in that tutu, the tool tutu with the wand walking around just like, because this is what I so desire as well. This is where we're like, life is so short.

[00:19:39] Life is, you know, when you've been a part of the relaunches that have watched your favorite people move to that next level of life, where they pass on, where they go across the veil. And one of the biggest relaunches, as you said, your dear friend, Julian, he crossed. And I want to go back to this live your life like a CEO.

[00:20:07] You had him pass on. How did you manage to intersect this live your life like a CEO? You've lost one of the biggest relaunches of your life, losing this, like, your partner in business, your partner as a friend, all of that. How did you manage that? Because so many people right now are dealing with aging parents, dealing with loss.

[00:20:36] You know, two things. I'm going to give you a funny practical one. Go watch the movie Coco. I was actually having, you know, it's a Disney movie called Coco. And there's a beautiful song that goes like, remember me, even when we are apart, remember me. Oh my God, it makes me tear up right now just hearing that because the spiritual intellectual side of Jen doesn't feel lost the same way other people do. I know we're all infinite beings, infinitely connected.

[00:21:02] So when Julian died or when one of my other dear friends and mentors died, Dr. Mark Golston, or when my dad died a few years ago, I first get that like punch in the gut of, oh shoot, somebody I love just left this physical plane. And then my higher consciousness comes online and says, oh, we're still connected. They're infinite. You're infinite. It's all cool. And I'm like, okay, cool. Right. And so the human part of me, we had an eight figure offer to buy our company. The day Julian died, we jokingly say he died of happiness. Literally October 27th of last year, we've been negotiating an offer with an AI company

[00:21:32] for six months. Offer comes in. Julian and I are like, ah, it's the best day ever. Right. Like super excited. And Julian that night is literally playing guitar. So I'm in Lisbon. He was in Oregon at the time. I go to bed before him. And the next morning when Pacific time comes up, I get a call from our COO, Julian's dead. And I'm like, no, not possible. And that night he had been playing guitar with his best friend. His best friends go inside to get him a beer and they came out and he was dead on the ground. So the first part was, of course, shock. You're human.

[00:22:00] And so to be a CEO, it's as my business coach, Jocelyn Herman-Satchel, we have to get her on your show and you have to be on her show. She's extraordinary. She wrote the curriculum for Landmark Worldwide for 30 years and beat Whitney Houston out in her band Boy Crazy. Joc has this system called Unmessable With. And she was coaching me and mentoring me at that time. And in Joc's modality, it's like, how do you be unmessable with? You know what? Stuff is going to happen. War is going to happen. People are going to die. You're going to have financial losses, betrayals. Life is going to happen the way it happens.

[00:22:30] Your only choice is to react versus respond moment by moment. So when Julian died, of course, I called Joc and my husband was really best friends with him as well. And it was very challenging, actually, for me, honestly, to cry in the first day or so. So that's where the Coco Remember Me comes in. I was like, OK, my husband really needs me to cry with him right now. And I even like called Deepak Chopra. I'm like, Deepak, what is it? Have you ever? Are you supposed to grieve? Like my autistic brain sometimes doesn't. It goes, does not compute, does not compute.

[00:22:58] Because the spiritual side of Jen is like, oh, we're all infinite. But the human side of Jen is like, we just lost a best friend and a business partner and a big, huge deal. And I had to call the buyer and be like, I'm so sorry. My co-founder, the mathematician scientist guy died. And he was like, what? And so it's all the tools, Hillary. Literally, to be the CEO of life, you get to get up, dust yourself off, give yourself permission. I gave myself like two or three days to be like, OK, I want to help myself connect to

[00:23:26] whatever grief is hidden, lying under the spiritual, you know, high consciousness, Jen. Process it. And then what's the next step? So we went from that. And then I pray to meditate in the most magical thing, speaking of relaunches, which you know now. So Julian dies. The offer falls through. Everything goes sideways. I'm in the U.S. I live in Lisbon. I'm in the U.S. for Julian's funeral. And I stop in Austin. We have a lot of our Jen Hill tribe members there. That night, one of my friends, JP Newman, says, Jen, let's go out to dinner. We're going to dinner at eight.

[00:23:54] He says, let's go to Alex Moscow's house before that. So at a 6 p.m. dinner. So I was essentially going out to two dinners, which I've never done in my life before. And so I go to Alex's house and JP can't even make it. So he can't make it. He's like, Jen, have fun. And there I met our first paid tribe member for the Jen Hill tribe, a guy named Dan Levens. And I only realized in the last week or so that Dan was our first tribe member. And you'll hear why this was so pivotal in a moment. So I meet Dan and he's like, well, I really want to join your group. Can I pay to join? I'm like, OK. And I still don't even know what I'm going to do. I'm like, do I merge? Do I try to sell this other tech company?

[00:24:24] So I have this huge group of like two, 300 people at this point around the world of which you and others are a part of it. So in January, another friend of mine, Michael Lovitch, he had run a company called Baby Bathwater. And I would not have he was one of the co-founders of it. It's kind of like a quasi summit at sea. I wouldn't have the global network I have now if it weren't for Michael. And Michael's like, Jen, I want to join a community of high conscious entrepreneurs. Can I pay to join your group? And he's now launched this platform called Zodiac.fm that I love and use every day. And I was like, OK, so now I have like two paid tribe members. I'm like, what am I supposed to be when I grow up?

[00:24:54] I want to we had self-funded the company. I want to pay Julian's wife back. And so I got on my hands and use Hillary. And I'm like, please, universe, God, sort of show me the way. What do you want me to do? I said, if you want me to merge, sell OptiMatch, give me the right buyer, give me the right people. Or if you want me to grow the Jen Hill Tribe, give me 10 or more paid tribe members in the next month. Hillary, 30 people joined that month. And I was like, I was like, message received, God. And it's just been growing now. Take it all back to Dan Levin. So we have this WhatsApp group that's just been growing, growing, growing.

[00:25:21] And then it sometimes gets overwhelming with 300 plus people in it, right? So Dan Levin's our first paid tribe member about six weeks ago messages me says, Jen, we need to talk. And I'm like, oh, everything OK? And we get on call. He's like, you're changing humanity. And I want to help. Let me custom build you an AI optimized platform. And I'm like, what? And he's like, it'll have an interactive directory. It'll have everything. And I only realized last week that Dan was our first paid tribe member. And he's now the CTO of the new company. And I'm clear that Julian gave him to me as a gift to support me in this relaunch. No doubt. No doubt.

[00:25:51] But you also have this spiritual side to you that is so incredibly like just spot on in terms of manifestation, if you want to call it. Or you have such clarity on the people that you bring in. Who's right? Who's wrong? How do you filter? How do you filter this? Because I know it is. And I've had the privilege of meeting these women and men.

[00:26:21] And I mean, it's all in alignment. I call it 3HQ, right? Your headquarters are you. You've got your head, your heart, your highest self. You have done such a fantastic job with your network. And you've been called the fairy godmother of human connection. But how do you filter? How do you filter people, the right people? And just like you said, and he became, he was my first member. And then now he's an integral part of your business. How do you do that? Are you ready for it? There is an actual secret.

[00:26:51] So anybody can go to antiassholeprayer.com. This is literally, I had like 12 women chanting this. Antiassholeprayer.com. This is how it goes. This is what I say every day, Hillary. There's two versions of it. The one I say is, universe, please remove anything or anyone who is not meant to be in my life. Give me the wisdom to know it's happening for my good and draw the right people and resources towards me. And then the second one that I specifically say to protect the Jen Hill tribe and everybody

[00:27:17] in it is I say, please, universe, repel anyone I cannot or am not meant to serve and draw those towards me where I can add 10 to 100 to 1,000 times or more of the value that they pay and need to be a part of the tribe. So that's it. I just say the antiasshole prayer. And then whoever shows up on my calendar is on my calendar. Okay. So for those listening right now, can we please have a mantra like this? Like, I mean, how simple is it? This is it. Only work with people that you really love.

[00:27:44] Only work with people that are in your 3HQ ecosystem. Come on. Stop trying to bring people in and have to convince them. Let them flow in because you're designed to have that type of alignment. That's so, so great. And I want to say something. Even if you haven't noticed and you may have to go back, this might be the only podcast in

[00:28:10] the only show that you can't listen to this any faster than just the one X. I understand. I am there with you. I am there. You might be even listening to this on 0.5 at this point. But I do want, I want to, I want to mention even on this podcast, if you go back, you know, a little bit, you're going to find she slipped in Hillary. You need to know this person. She's already networking and it's a show.

[00:28:40] Like this is, this is her superpower. You know, the fairy godmother, this fairy godmother is like a marvel. This is next generation. So I have to talk to you because I am like, I'm literally buzzing that you're going to be at our big relaunch to a rich live event. I cannot wait. I literally turned down another speaking gig just to be with you. I was invited to speak in Nepal and I was like, I'm already committed. Hillary's already got me. I'm committed for Hillary. This is the greatest thing.

[00:29:10] The September event in Scottsdale. You're going to be there. You're going to be on stage and I want to ask you, you're given all these incredible opportunities for many of the individuals that are a part of the relaunch world. Right now we're heavily focused on matching your future identity with your identity shift that needs to happen from a visibility perspective.

[00:29:38] How do you, and what would you suggest the people listening to get into, because you just got this God-given gift. You do. I've never seen anyone like this. I mean, ever. And people, you know, I've been around the block a long time and I think I've got a knack for it as well. You are insanely great. So I want to ask you, for those that are feeling like, you know what?

[00:30:04] I just had someone yesterday send me a note saying, oh my God, I got all these introductions in the last like 30 days and I haven't really had a chance to follow up. And how do I do it? One, you never forget names. Two, you always follow up. Three, you are constantly bringing new people into my world, my life. How do you do it? AI tools. No, there's two parts. There's two parts I'm going to give everybody. Which is great. Which is what people need to know.

[00:30:30] So I'm going to give everybody I get on calls with, there are three AI tools that I'm not going to get anything from this. I don't get paid. But literally this has given me back 15 hours a week. And then I'm going to tell you the old school. If you don't like tech, I'm going to give you a very simple old school cheat that I use basically. The three AI tools I use daily are fixer.ai, reads all my emails, categorizes them and drafts my responses. And all I have to do is hit send or edit it if I don't like it. That saves me.

[00:30:57] I'm down to 20 to 30 minutes max a day on emails from two hours and organizing all of that. Fixer.ai, it also for me, because I coach clients and staff, it records the meetings for me. And then it preps me right before the client call and says, you need to follow up with your client on these matters from last week. Ask how it goes. So that's fixer, F-Y-X-E-R.ai. Two, whisper flow. Whisper flow, because I give thousands, literally thousands of connections. I hit function on my keyboard, having a Mac, and I voice text the introductions and it puts

[00:31:25] it in paragraph form and it perfectly punctuates and spells everything right. Whisper flow. The third one that I just started, so it's not as vetted as the other two, I only started using it three weeks ago, but I'm already having quite a quandary around it. It's called marbleism. Marbleism is something that automatically gives you six AI agents with it for like 20, 30 bucks a month. It's negligible. It's nothing. I don't even use three of the agents. It's the only two or three I'm using the legal assistant one. I was forming the new Jen Hill Tribe Corporation. It told me the exact bank to use, how to do it in a week.

[00:31:55] The bank was set up, like everything was set up. It's amazing. But what I love that it's doing is it's managing my social media. Believe it or not, I don't like posting on social. It's not my favorite thing. Let's say the top two or three agents. What are you using? I use the social media manager one and the blog one and the legal assistant, though it has a lead magnet one, a sales associate and a receptionist and an executive assistant, but I haven't even used those three. But here's what's crazy, Hilary. So I've been writing these other articles for a year and a half now, and they're great.

[00:32:23] They get like maybe 15 likes and two comments, et cetera. This thing now posts whatever days I want it to post, and it gives me the topics and the subject lines. And it's getting reposted, liked, commented on more than my own stuff. And I'm like, what the hell, universe? I'm like, here I'm putting all this time and energy into writing my own stuff. And it works great for me because I'm not a fan of it. But let me tie in the second very simple, easy to use thing that I, for anybody who doesn't even like tech is like, oh, Jen, I'm not going to use it. No worries. Here's my secret weapon.

[00:32:53] I have a Google sheet. It has 1400 names on it. It has in one column one, the name of the person I'm meeting. Column two, the name of the person who referred them. Column three is what's called the plus two formula. It's my energy after the call. So friends of mine, Brandy Mullen and Mark Fujiwara came up with this, and this is how it works. After every call, Hillary, you rate your energy. When you and I get off a call, it's like plus 500, but we just call it up to plus two. I love it. I love it. I'm like buzzing for days after our calls.

[00:33:23] Yeah. So you write down plus two to minus two, and it's not a rating of the person. It's a rating of your energy. And again, I could get into the behavioral science reason behind all of this, but essentially some of us just feel more psychologically safe. Google's done studies on this called Project Aristotle. Go look it up. So really helpful. But if we look at the plus two, every time I get off a call with somebody, what's my energy? Do I feel twice as energized afterwards? That's a plus two person. Do I feel plus one, like a little zing? I'm curious. I want to know more. I want to grab another virtual coffee. Is it a zero? Net, net.

[00:33:52] I might not remember them tomorrow. Minus one where there was a little ick, like maybe they were having a weird day. You were having a weird day or something was just incompatible. Minus two, you never respond to again, except via email. It's very rare. Only twice in the last three years, knock on wood, has a minus two ever slipped into my calendar. But then the last column, the fourth column, is notes on who matters and what matters. I might put funny notes in there like, likes mermaids, lives in Scottsdale, enjoys this, et cetera. I put people's birthdays and being autistic, my brain loves birthdays and pattern recognition.

[00:34:22] And so I put all of those notes just yesterday. Actually, Jocelyn, who I mentioned, is doing a very high level elite event in London at the end of May. And she said, Jen, who do you know who would be right for London? Now, off the top of my head, I could think of five people or six people. And I was like, hold on. I just put control F in my spreadsheet and 18 people pulled up. And I reached out to every one of them and introduced her to them. Again, it is your magic is in how you execute against this.

[00:34:50] Because what happens then is the connections that you do have the people who follow up, relationships start, and then everybody wants to circle back around with you. You do something exceptional where you are traveling like a crazy woman, okay? You live in Lisbon. You mentioned that. You come back to the States a lot. You're really all over.

[00:35:16] And I disagree that you're not an A-plus social media, because you really are, because that's where I see where you are. It's almost like, where's Waldo? It's like, where's Jen? Where's Jen right now? And I always try to say, okay, I wish I just had... In fact, I want you to do this. In the next 90 days, where are you going to be? Because I think everybody would be like, I'm just going to make my trip to New York be around your trip.

[00:35:42] And I'm going to make my trip to Austin and LA and London and all these places. So you got something there that, you know, just where is Jen? That's like, you know, your new book. So when you think about how you're doing it, how you're following up, once you go ahead and make that connection with someone, you're like, hey, you need to meet this person. You do that. Then how do you integrate it into...

[00:36:10] I know you said it's like the spreadsheet, a system, a system that you can leverage. Yeah. So a lot of it really just is a spreadsheet, Hillary. And so part of it is a spreadsheet. And part of it is we now have this AI optimized thing that Dan built. So it's amazing. So now I have like everybody's numerology if they want to put that in and everybody's birthdays and all of it's like my own little personal social network that I have, thanks to Dan developing that for me. It's also my autism. It's like, in fairness, I do have, you know,

[00:36:36] every autistic person has the pros and the cons and the gifts and the things. And so my gift is that I tell people it's kind of like being Xavier from X-Men, that famous movie where he puts like a helmet on his head and he can see every human being on the planet. That's just one of my gifts that I have is that you can just tell me a birthday, like when's your birthday, Hillary? August 18th. Yeah. So we've talked about this. And your birthday is the same as my friend Karen Solomson, which is the same as my ex-boyfriend Brandon, which is the same as this.

[00:37:04] And like, that's just how my brain organizes people. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So when you think about people and they're listening right now, your version of success has changed. And where do you think of yourself in that success line? Like we talk about the barriers of women being able to get to seven figures, less than 2%, getting to eight, even less.

[00:37:33] It's like a quarter of a percentage point. What do you suggest to women that are kind of coming up through hearing you, coming up through this like career path around success and how they can focus on what's next? Love and cherish yourself. It's so simple, ladies. All you have to do, if you get nothing else, I know I talk fast and I did work on that for years, but apparently I've gotten back to talking very quickly. A little simple thing, Hillary.

[00:38:03] I want you to do this. And if your listener is male, female, it doesn't matter. Take your arms and wrap yourself, wrap your arms around yourself right now. Give yourself a nice big bear hug. I love that. I did this. And I want you to tell yourself, I love you. You are loved. You are cherished. You are beautiful. You are extraordinary. You are enough. And that's it. And every day, this is part of my tour practice. It was so cute. My mom loves to read like New York Times articles at about six months ago. She's like, honey, I read the best thing ever.

[00:38:32] It's like, did you know that if you hug yourself for 30 seconds a day, it helps increase confidence and oxytocin. I was like, mom, gotcha. I've been doing that for like nine years. But it's so simple. It's little things to rewire your brain, to know you're enough. I'll do it on stage. Actually, you'll have to remind me, Hillary. I'll have to go back and re-listen this episode before I go on stage with you. But one of my new favorite things that I've been doing at some of the keynotes I've been doing is I can talk to anybody at the soul level. And people's souls will tell me what their number one limiting belief is.

[00:39:01] And there's a very simple technique that I teach that you can rewire your brain every morning. So I was just doing this actually in January at a keynote where I had a volunteer come up. We used kinesthesiology to muscle test and show that she had a limiting belief about not being lovable. We put her in position, had the whole audience do it. And within a matter of three minutes, we had rewired her brain. So simple. You put her in position. What does that mean? Oh, it's a position where you cross one hand over the other and one wrist and one ankle over the other. And you can rewire your brain. It's one of my favorite things.

[00:39:31] Okay, we're doing it because I'm a hacker on all of this. And I keep like more people are coming into my world saying, and try this and try this. Because we've got, one thing I do want to say, we've got this amazing, whenever I go on stage, I literally throw my arms back, like expand them as much as possible. And then I ask everybody, do this with me. And we all give like this massive group hug. And when you said that to us, I'm like, yes! And I'm giving you the biggest hug right now

[00:39:58] because this show was incredible. You are just one of my favorite, favorite people. Not only, you know, the beauty from the inside, the outside, but energetically. And if everything is energy, you're hearing this right now. There is something soulful that you are supposed to be doing, relaunching into that next best version of you. Jen, how can people find you? Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate it, Hillary.

[00:40:27] Well, one place people can go is jenhilltribe.com. You can find out about the tribe there. You can also find me on LinkedIn, probably of all the socials. That's the best place. If you Google my name, Jennifer, J-E-N-N-I-F-E-R, space K as in kite, Hill, H-I-L-L. I pull up for several pages on Google and you'll find a lot of the stuff ranging from podcasts, YouTube channels, everything I've done. And you'll find it there. Or you can go to antiassholeprayer.com and you'll be put on the waiting list for the book and you'll get a copy of the Anti-Asshole Prayer,

[00:40:55] my favorite 21 morning mantras. Incredible. Jen, thank you. And as I always say, live now, love now, relaunch now into that next best version of your identity. And I got to tell you, you heard a lot of magic here on this call. Go back, listen to it again, and let us know. First off, make sure you're following us because if you don't follow us, we can't share these incredible, incredible shows with you.

[00:41:23] So hit the follow button and also let us know what resonated with you from this show. Thanks again, everyone. And we will be back again next week. All right, your next level is waiting. Thanks for tuning in. This is amazing what we're doing right now. Relaunch into a rich life. If today's episode sparks something in you,

[00:41:53] don't keep it to yourself. Please share it. I'll tell you more later about how that actually helps you have more success yourself. Subscribe so you don't miss one episode. Let's create unstoppable momentum together. So until next time, keep relaunching, keep rising. And remember, it's go time.