The Gender Intelligence Advantage: Why Men And Women Miscommunicate w/ Rich Bernstein

[00:00:00] My clients started thriving when I added this thing called Gender Intelligence, because not only did it give them a very unique proposition for the market, but they started looking at who are they marketing to, how to sell to a man differently than a woman. Rich Bernstein is the CEO. He is the co-founder and head of the coaching program for Mars Venus. He built a company from scratch.

[00:00:23] Rich Bernstein, He got bought out, retired at 42 and then completely relaunched into his next chapter as a business coach. Rich Bernstein, So when I really broke it apart, the six areas that I used to focus on in business are very susceptible to gender intelligence. Rich Bernstein, Gender Intelligence. What exactly does it mean and what are we going to be going into? Rich Bernstein, It really means recognizing the differences based on how our brain is wired. Hormones are very different. Cycles are very different.

[00:00:53] Rich Bernstein, What do those differences do for attitude and behavior? Rich Bernstein, It's the brain you were born with. And if you were to go in and just cut it in half and you have two sides. Share with us these golden nuggets. Rich Bernstein, In a woman's brain everything is connected. Rich Bernstein, Believe it or not, I was in the chewing gum business. Very sticky business.

[00:01:19] Rich Bernstein, And we got into it. It's kind of interesting because we used it wasn't regular chewing gum. It was what's called value added gum, where we would take little chicklets and we would put active ingredient in the gum. Rich Bernstein, And for example, we would put chromium picolinate in the gum. Rich Bernstein, You chew it and you lose weight. Rich Bernstein, Orvitabol was a vitamin gum.

[00:01:44] Rich Bernstein, We had a whole line of chewing gums. My wife would come up with the idea and I'd put it into the gum and then we'd market it. Rich Bernstein, We had one called Buzz gum that was guarana based, which is a natural occurring caffeine. Rich Bernstein, You chew it and you get a little bit of a, I don't want to say high, but a little bit of a, you know, energy kick. And so we love the chewing gum business and believe it or not, one day we get a call from William Wrigley.

[00:02:11] Rich Bernstein, They actually came and bought the company and shut it down. Rich Bernstein, They bought it to close. Rich Bernstein, They did not want the competition. Rich Bernstein, They have regular chewing gum. Rich Bernstein, They didn't have gum that had value add to it. Rich Bernstein, So it was interesting. Rich Bernstein, They paid me a lot of money and shut the business down. Rich Bernstein, And I retired. Rich Bernstein, I was about 42 years old when I retired. And because I am a horse fanatic, I actually moved from Los Angeles to Las Vegas and bought a horse ranch.

[00:02:41] Rich Bernstein, So I had six horses, two kids, two dogs, two cats, my wife and me. I lived on a zoo. It was crazy. Rich Bernstein, And after about three months of sitting on the couch, feeding horses, riding horses, I'm really into jumping. Rich Bernstein, I was competing when I was a kid. Rich Bernstein, So this was a dream. Rich Bernstein, I was living the dream. Rich Bernstein, But I went from a corporate guy, a hundred hours a week to zero.

[00:03:09] Rich Bernstein, And one day, I'm sitting on the couch at two o'clock in the afternoon in my boxers eating cereal. Rich Bernstein, And my wife walked up to me and said, No, no, no, no. Rich Bernstein, You need to go out and do something. Rich Bernstein, I said, What am I going to do? Rich Bernstein, So I called a friend. Rich Bernstein, We went to go have a beer and kind of talk about what's the next chapter of my life.

[00:03:35] Rich Bernstein, And he was talking to me and he said, Well, we could open another business. Rich Bernstein, And I'm going to be very honest with you. Rich Bernstein, I never heard the word business and coach in the same sentence. Rich Bernstein, And I got goosebumps. Rich Bernstein, I said, Ooh, at least I know what not to do in business. Rich Bernstein, I think I might be a good business coach. Rich Bernstein, So I took a course. Rich Bernstein, I went out, started getting clients. Rich Bernstein, I was getting clients here in Las Vegas.

[00:04:05] Rich Bernstein, I started getting them nationwide. Rich Bernstein, I started getting a few international clients. Rich Bernstein, And then I started recruiting coaches to come in and support me where I would get the client and I'd give it to them and we'd split the revenue. Rich Bernstein, And I started doing very, very well. Rich Bernstein, One day, I get a call from this guy, John Gray. Rich Bernstein, And he said, Hi, my name is John Gray. Rich Bernstein, Do you know who I am? Rich Bernstein, And I said, No. Rich Bernstein, And he said, You know the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?

[00:04:35] Rich Bernstein, I said, Well, I've heard of the book. Rich Bernstein, I hadn't read it, but I heard of it. Rich Bernstein, He goes, Well, I wrote that book. Rich Bernstein, And I said, Okay. Rich Bernstein, He said, I would like to open a coaching school where we train people on life coach, relationship coaching, business coaching, executive coaching. Rich Bernstein, And would you partner with me to open this school? Rich Bernstein, And I said, Mr. Gray, you're a relationship guy. Rich Bernstein, What the hell does relationship have anything to do with business?

[00:05:06] Rich Bernstein, And his answer is why I'm here today. Rich Bernstein, It's been 20 years now. Rich Bernstein, I'm here. Rich Bernstein, I'm John's partner for 20 years. Rich Bernstein, He said, If you don't think business is all about relationships, then I'm talking to the wrong guy. Rich Bernstein, And I went, Wait, what? Rich Bernstein, Who says that? Rich Bernstein, And so I said, I need to meet you. Rich Bernstein, I got on a plane. Rich Bernstein, I'm in Las Vegas. Rich Bernstein, I flew to San Francisco where John lives. Rich Bernstein, We were going to spend about an hour in a restaurant. Rich Bernstein, We met at a restaurant.

[00:05:36] Rich Bernstein, Five hours later, I fell in love with this guy. Rich Bernstein, He is the most, I don't know if you've read any of his work or any of his talks or YouTube or anything. Rich Bernstein, He is an amazing human. Rich Bernstein, I don't even think he is human. Rich Bernstein, I don't know if you know this, but he was a celibate monk for nine years.

[00:05:56] Rich Bernstein, And so that's the reason I'm here is he actually said that the Maharishi Yogi said,

[00:06:24] why don't you just write a book then? He said, what do I write a book about? He said, well, whatever is missing in your life or whatever. And all he could think of is he's been celibate for nine years. So I think I'm going to write about men and women and relationships. And that was the birth of Mars Venus. And he wrote that original book. Because I have the utmost respect for this guy. I have known him, I want to say like seven years

[00:06:52] now, eight years, seven, eight. It's been a long time. It feels like 50. Come on, let's be serious. I feel like I've known you forever. And this is the best part. What I like to do here is in these expert series, 95% of the time, I am bringing you people that I initially got involved with in some

[00:07:20] form of how, how can they help my business? How can they help me? What can I do? I really admire them. I really like them. I want to, I want to work under them. I am a firm believer in you all know this in there are coaches out there. There are individuals out there that can help you get from point A to B faster, faster. So we are, we are in the mood right now and the mode of getting to things

[00:07:45] faster and let's not make the mistakes. And so I always like to go out and find experts. I love the stories around it. I was fascinated with his journey and I became not only a student of his and have been certified. And my God, if they come out with anything, I'm like, I'm all in, I've done it. I've done it all. I feel like I, you know, I'm not sure there's anything that I

[00:08:11] haven't had, cause I think he's so fantastic, but he's also an absolute dear friend of mine. And he and I have been through the ins and outs. I think we know the inner darkest secrets of each other and it's just a beautiful, beautiful relationship. And so what I wanted to do with our relaunch relaunchers that are on this call in our program is I wanted to make sure that during

[00:08:37] the expert series, I'm bringing the best of the best and you're getting to hear from my own, my own mentors, my own advisors. When I have any, any issues that, you know, are going on, I can feel comfortable calling these people and Rich is, you know, top of the list. So I'm so happy,

[00:08:59] but we're going to jump into relationship and he is absolutely so knowledgeable. I would even put him head to head with John because he not only goes out and hears it, he investigates it. He does research. He knows the ins and then the outs. And the thing that I really thought would be the most

[00:09:21] impactful for all of you that are listening here, but I want you to take in something that, that John Gray coined gender intelligence. I actually teach it. I learned it from the master. I learned it from this guy right here, as well as all the videos that I was able. And the longest, I have to tell you the longest interview I have ever done in my entire life was almost a three hour

[00:09:50] interview with John Gray. And I said, I'm not sure what the heck we talked about. My head was spinning at the end. I did this huge interview, but I remember coming back to Richie, probably don't even know this. And I said, all right, I wrote down 10 things during this interview. I have no idea what he was talking about. Explain it in like just Hilary terms so I can get it and I can leverage it in my

[00:10:17] business because I know there's magic there. And Rich has the John, whatever it's called, like you just, you net out exactly what John is saying. You do it in such a great job. So I would like to jump into gender intelligence. Why you think it is literally the differentiator out there in the market right now. We have to know it as, especially as women. I want to talk about the differences

[00:10:44] biologically in the brain between men and women because I have a feeling there's going to be a lot, a lot of aha moments. So first question, are you, are you ready? Yep, I'm ready. Well, I wanted to say one thing first because I was in love just saying ladies that, that what, when I was a business coach before I joined Mars Venus, I used to focus on six areas, which were marketing, sales, finance,

[00:11:12] finance, time management, leadership skills, and communication. Those were the six areas that I would coach a business on. What I never thought about though, especially in those six areas was the gender intelligence part of it. So that's when I met John and I started looking at, okay, he's the one who said, if you don't think business is all about relationships, then I'm talking to the wrong guy.

[00:11:37] And so I started thinking about what is the relationship that I build with my clients in marketing. And then I thought, okay, this gender intelligent thing, do women and men respond differently to marketing? Of course they do. And then sales, do they convert differently with a man and a woman? These are all the workshops that we've created. Things like leadership, men and women lead and are led very

[00:12:03] differently. Men and women communicate very differently. Men and women manage time very differently. Men and women manage money very differently. So when I really broke it apart, the six areas that I used to focus on in business are very susceptible to gender intelligence. And that's when I really woke up. I started going into my clients and saying, well, who's the avatar? Who are you selling to? Well, don't they respond differently in the marketing with a man and a woman?

[00:12:33] My clients started thriving when I added this thing called gender intelligence, because not only did it give them a very unique proposition for the market, but they started looking at who is their avatar? Who are they marketing to? How to sell to a man differently than a woman? You know, women want to have a relationship through the sales process. Men just want to buy. Do I want the product? Do I like

[00:12:58] the product? Let me buy. Women want to kind of shop. And that shopping process is a connection with the salesman. I remember when I bought my first electric car recently, my wife said, did you like the salesman? I said, I didn't buy a salesman. I bought a car. I didn't even think about the salesman. I don't even know the guy's name. She had to connect with all these different salesmen at different dealers

[00:13:21] before she bought a car. I never thought. And I will tell you one thing. Once you ring this gender intelligent bell, you can't unring it. You know what I mean? It's on your gun every corner of the world. And it literally is more important because I just did this keynote in Saudi. Hilary, you know, I just got back last night, literally. Yeah. 26 hours to get home. And they were going, yeah, but our culture is

[00:13:49] different. I said, that's fine. I don't care what language you speak. I don't care what culture you are. And they are a very unique culture. Men are men and women are women. And the challenges we have are exactly the same everywhere in the world. It's fascinating to me. Because of how the brain is wired differently. The hormones are different. You guys have a 28 day cycle. Men have a 24 hour cycle.

[00:14:16] Very different. So let's dig into because he's got the tips and there are things that if he doesn't bring up, I'm going to bring up because they were like aha moments for me. But Rich, first off, let's talk about gender intelligence and the definition of it in all walks of life. You talk about personal and professional. It's the same. We can leverage this everywhere. So what exactly does it

[00:14:41] mean? And what are we going to be going into? It really means recognizing the differences based on how our brain is wired, based on the hormones are very different, based on the cycles are very different. And what we really look at is what are those differences do for attitude and behavior? Not cultural, but attitude and behavior. So when you talk to a man and when you talk to a woman, when you market

[00:15:06] to a man or market to a woman, or the fact that I coach men and women, even when I do it together, if I'm in a room with men and women together, how do I address both sides of that coin? And I'll tell you one thing. One of the biggest differences we have in the brain is called the corpus callosum. The corpus callosum is the connective tissue between the two lobes of the brain. You know,

[00:15:30] it's not one lobe, but the actual brain is two separate lobes. And on the left side is the logic centers. And on the right side is the intuition, the emotion, memory, things like that. That's why women are very good at connecting the memory with the emotion. Men don't do that. We take it to the other side of the brain and we just remember the memory. There's no emotion connected to that. So when you're

[00:15:56] talking to a woman and you know, this from yourself is when you're talking to another woman, everything is connected to everything else because her corpus callosum is 40% larger than in a man. 40%. That's not a little difference. That's a huge difference. And so what does that do? The left side of the brain and the right side of the brain are actually talking to each other. They're communicating. So when you're talking to a woman and you're telling her logically why she should

[00:16:26] buy your product, it's connecting to her emotion, her intuition, everything else, her memories. Do you remind her of somebody she bought from before? Do you remind her of somebody she liked? Do you remind her of somebody she didn't like? See with a man, we don't have any of that. Just as it logically good for me to buy this product. That is very different than a woman connecting everything with

[00:16:49] everything else. I'll never forget one of the, and I'm just going to throw it out right now because I want everyone to write this down. I was heading into one of the biggest board meetings of my life. And as, as I was going in there, I remember talking to you and you said, just remember Hillary, when you're asking a guy, you want to say, you know, so what do you think about this? What do you think rich? And when you look at a woman that's sitting there and I had one

[00:17:18] female board member, how do you feel about this, Karen? And he said, make sure you say that. And I remember in the, in the board meeting, I'm like, oh my God, don't mix it up, Hillary. I'll tell you a quick story that happened. I'll tell you a story. Years ago, before Google, there was a woman who owned a company that was going public and she was going to do a public

[00:17:45] offering. It was like a Google type business before Google. It was actually even before Yahoo. And it was going to, cause John Gray owned some stock in the company, but, and it was just before the IPO. The woman that was the CEO and the president had never gone through an IPO before. So they were going to hire this guy to come in and take them public, just like I did with the chewing gum company. So this guy walks in the door and he talks about, I've done this before and I've

[00:18:14] done that. And I did this and I've taken companies public data. And this woman said, okay, but our company's a little different. We're very heartfelt and we want people that we want to connect people. And we went, you know, she told her whole mission and this guy wouldn't listen. This guy just say, but I have the experience and I know how to do this. He never said to her, well, tell me about the company. Tell me about your baby. Tell me about how you read. She was so thrown off by this guy

[00:18:44] that she decided not to use him as a very experienced IPO guy. He was going to step in as the CEO and John lost all of his money that he had bought in stock. And he tells that story often because he was very upset at this guy had no gender intelligence to even ask her, well, tell me about your baby. She kept saying, we're different. He never said, well, how are you different? Tell me a little bit

[00:19:09] about it. He had no interest in the company or her. He only had interest in taking it public the way he took every other company public. And John sat there going, I can't believe this guy has no gender intelligence and we're going to, he's going to blow this deal. And he blew the deal. So Rich, I want you to keep going with the brain and I want you to really think about what he's

[00:19:33] saying. And this is why it doesn't matter where you are in the world. It doesn't matter if you have gone to she, to he, to her, to him and cry and done all these things to your body. Doesn't matter. It's the brain you were born with. And if you were to go in and I love how you say, just like cut your brain, the Homer brain, just cut it in half. And you have two sides share with us, share with us,

[00:20:01] these golden nuggets, these like, you got to know this because you got to know that in a woman's brain, everything is connected to everything else. The dinner is connected to the business, connected to the kitty cat, connected to your kids, connected to their girlfriend, connected to their boyfriend. Everything is connected to everything else. And so when I meet a woman, whether it's a client or somebody to do business with us as a partnership, we literally look at, if it's a woman,

[00:20:26] I want to connect with her. I want to bond with her. I want to raise a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin lowers cortisol. Cortisol is the stress hormone. When you're under stress, when you believe you're in danger, cortisol goes through the roof. The only thing that lowers cortisol in a woman's body is the production of oxytocin. Oxytocin comes from connecting, bonding, listening, feeling heard,

[00:20:56] feeling understood. That's the one thing I do with my wife. And I will tell you one thing. We just had our 35th wedding anniversary in December. I'm very proud to say. When I joined Mars Venus, I was married 17 years. I'm not sure I would have made it to 35 without all this. I mean, it truly helped me because I didn't know why does she want to keep talking? We're in the middle of a fight. I want to go in my cave. I want to shut down. I want to process it myself. And she's

[00:21:26] knocking on my office door. Can we talk? Can we talk? I'm like, no, I don't want to talk. So she's learned how to cope with stress differently than I do. Men and women don't just cope with stress differently. We cope with stress oppositely. And so it's truly fascinating how the brain is wired to do that. I'll tell you another part of the brain that really is interesting. It's called the gray matter

[00:21:51] and the white matter. If you were to cut the brain right here above my eyes and take the top off and look down into the brain, there's all this white matter and white matter collects information. The gray matter that surrounds it makes decisions. You're not going to believe this, but women have

[00:22:12] 10 times more white matter than men do. 10. Men have six times more gray matter than women do. What does that do? Women accuse men of being impulsive. Ah, you're just too impulsive. Men accuse women of, can you just sit down and make a decision already? Because that gray matter is not as prevalent

[00:22:38] in the brain. So what do they want? They want more information. They want to seek consensus. They want to get reviews. They want to talk to other people to really, before they make any decision, they're going to take a lot more time because of that white matter. This is not women just want to have more information. The brain is wired to have more information. And in a man, it's wired to make decisions

[00:23:02] quickly. Another one is the amygdala. The amygdala is about the size of an almond in a woman's brain. It's twice the size in a man's brain. What does that mean? We jump into solve. We jump into fix. We want to succeed. We want to take action right away. As soon as we're in danger, first thing that happens, the amygdala gets activated and we want to fight or flight. So if we think about the amygdala,

[00:23:28] amygdala is the fear center and you're saying ours is about an almond and men are twice as much, twice as large, excuse me. So think about this, everyone, you're dealing with a man and he's got a bigger like this almost, and I can understand it because when we were this brain of ours that has been building and shaping for thousands upon thousands of years, and we only have just in the

[00:23:56] last, you know, what, 50 years, 60 years started to really give it a lot of technology. It's still going back to, we got to solve the problem really fast. We got to solve it really fast. We have to act really fast where a woman, if you have a woman in a meeting, you have to make sure that you're still asking, you're at the end of a sales cycle. Is there anything else that you really need right now? Is there, are there any other questions where a man is going to be like, like much faster?

[00:24:23] So Rich, explain, explain a little bit more in terms of the things that you've just explained, the three areas of the brain and the differences, how they show up in business scenarios. How, you know, what are they saying? What should they be aware of? What should they be tuning into? Well, first of all, there is what's called the limbic system. The limbic system in a woman's brain

[00:24:48] is three parts. It's the hypocampus, the hypothalamus and the amygdala. So it's kind of like a horseshoe. It's not only bigger in a woman's brain, it's deeper into the brain. And what's very interesting is when a woman has a problem, the hypothalamus and the hypocampus get activated first before it goes to the amygdala. What does that mean? Women want to understand the dynamic of the problem first.

[00:25:18] Men want to just solve it. Band-aid. We just got to fix it. So what happens in a man's brain and the hypothalamus and the hypocampus and the amygdala is kind of like I said, a horseshoe. The top of it gets activated in a woman's brain first. The bottom of it gets activated in a man's brain first. So that amygdala gets activated first. So it is the seat of his motivation.

[00:25:44] In a woman's brain, it's the seat of emotion. So she's going to want to figure out how did this problem happen? How did we get into this? Before she even goes into solve mode, she's trying to figure out the dynamic. Where did it come from? I remember a couple months ago, my little kitty cat, Roxy, usually she's right here. She sits right there. She got sick. And I said, Val, she's throwing up. I just want to take her and put her in. We have a little carrying thing and take her to the vet.

[00:26:14] Val's like, well, before we do that, let me just look at all the plants in the house and see if she was eating a plant. Or let me go out in the courtyard and see if maybe she ate a bug. I'm like, Val, it doesn't matter. We just got to take her to the vet. I wanted to fix it right there. She wanted to understand it first. I find that that's because of that amygdala gets activated in a man's brain

[00:26:37] and the hypothalamus gets activated in a woman's brain. It literally works backward. One's going counterclockwise and one's going clockwise. In decision-making, that's a big part in business is how a man makes a decision very differently than a woman. Also, when you're working, if you have men on your team, let me tell you, we would get in there,

[00:27:05] we would be strategizing, we would be brainstorming. It's like, what the heck? Had I known then what I know now, how you would handle it differently? Really interesting. Speaking of a board meeting, I'll tell you a quick story. If you're in a board meeting and I'm the leader and there's five women and five men, what's very interesting is if a man has something to say,

[00:27:30] this is an unspoken language between men because we expect everybody to be like we are. So if I'm sitting there and I say something, most men, if they have something to say, will just jump in and say it. Most women will not do that. They're going to wait to be called on. And most men leaders don't know that. So they think if Hillary had something to say, she would just jump in and say it. And if she has

[00:27:56] nothing to say, raise her hand, raise her hand. Right. But if you have nothing to say, I'm not going to call you out. Men don't do that. We're not going to call out another man. So Hillary, I'm not going to say anything. Cause if you had something to say, you would have said it. And then you feel ignored. You feel excluded because I didn't say Hillary, what do you think? Karen, what do you think? Women are typically waiting. And most men leaders don't know gender intelligence because they're thinking the women are just like the men. If they had something to say,

[00:28:25] they'd say it. I find this fascinating. That's why I teach this all over the world because men say, well, if she had something to say, she'd say it. I said, no, she would have raised her hand waiting to be called on. It's fascinating. This whole topic of building relationships with men and women in business. So what ends up happening and what ended up happening as many of us, and I know your stories,

[00:28:49] is that we then shut down our feminine side, went very much into our masculine. And then we're completely out of alignment. Our head is still biologically wired exactly the way, you know, nature gave it to us. So we have this dissonance within us. And so Rich, as you- Well, what's even worse? Let me just add to that. Most working women are in their masculine energy.

[00:29:16] And when they get home, do you know what happens? When you're in your masculine energy, you're going to push him into his feminine energy because we have this polarity. So no matter what, you can't have two masculine in a relationship. One's going to push the other into the feminine side. And so he's now acting very feminine. He's now complaining. He's now got all these issues because he's not comfortable in his feminine energy and you're not comfortable in your masculine energy.

[00:29:43] So you have to learn if you're in a corporate role, how to turn that off and go home and be back into your feminine energy. Very important because it affects your relationship at home as well. So I want to say something here. There was a time where I was single. I was starting,

[00:30:02] I was dating and I was going through a mediation. But what was interesting is that I was very in my masculine and I was leaving. He had done a Ponzi scheme with our company and it was a terrible situation. I was, I mean, really like on fire. And I was going on a date that night. And I remember

[00:30:29] talking to rich and I said, I think I'm going to go in and pull out my bazooka guns and blow this poor guy that I'm meeting on this first date away. And you gave me the greatest. You're like, so how are you going to get into your femininity? How are you going to? And I re I was in like the power suit. Don't mess with me, you know, stuff like that. And he said, you know, maybe go home, change your

[00:30:55] outfit, do something. And then I thought, you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to like, literally think about it as I'm putting my, my lip gloss on looking at myself in the mirror and having some music play. Cause you all know, I love music and trying to get into my softer, my softer. Cause I had already had terrible experiences with guys where I'd come in and they didn't know what to do with me. And they were sometimes, you know, very much masculine men.

[00:31:22] And they'd be like, you're in headlights with me, have no idea what they're doing. And so this, there's no, there's no doubt. This is exactly what we as women can do to men. I am sure I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand that there are many times that we have a masculine, a man, because we are so dominantly in our masculine. I'm going to tell you all one thing. When you are running around like a chicken, you're in your masculine energy.

[00:31:51] When I coach women to get back into their feminine energy, the first thing I advise them, slow down, slow yourself down. You don't realize that you actually produce much more oxytocin when you nurture yourself. So I recommend go take a bubble bath, light a few candles, put on some soft music, slow your body down. You are now more in your feminine energy when you're doing things slowly,

[00:32:20] then put on a skirt, put on your makeup, put on, you know, feel that feminine energy by slowing yourself down. That's the main problem with women that are in corporate positions is that environment is very masculine. It's very linear. It's very deadline. And those are all testosterone generating activities, not estrogen and oxytocin. So that's the first thing, Karen, is slow down. Whatever you're

[00:32:48] doing, you're doing it a little too fast. So number one, slow down. Number two, put on some makeup, nurture, maybe go get a massage before you do that. Anything you do to nurture yourself is oxytocin producing is back in your female energy. Does that help? You know, it's, you know, you know, it's interesting. And what was fascinating about it is I came in,

[00:33:14] he was there, we had one night where we overlapped and then he was off to a take, take the boys to a football game, the national football game. And so we had one night and I was just like, oh, just in my element. I mean, he was just like loving me up. He's like, wow. So then what happens three nights later?

[00:33:37] He comes back. He's been testosterone, bodies and football and, you know, doing all that. And I'm like, yeah, right on. So it's funny. We like, if we allow the man to have, you know, the moments of being in their masculine and a woman to be in their feminine. And yes, as you said, Rich, we kind of go through, we're on the ocean and there's waves. And sometimes we

[00:34:06] have to be in our masculine to get the things that we need to get done at work. But there's a fine, a fine balance, a fine shift. And one thing that you once told me that I found really interesting is that, and for those that are married, it's just a fascinating piece of information. You said that most of the time, what you will find is a man that is super, super masculine will be most attractive

[00:34:34] to a woman that is super, super feminine. Can you explain that a little bit more for the single women that we're going to give you a little dating advice? That synergy we have, and it's unspoken, is that polarity. When a man is in his masculine energy, he is very attracted to that feminine energy. And so that's why a lot of times, if you are in your masculine energy and you go out on a date,

[00:35:00] the first thing a man will feel is, am I intimidated by her? You're in your masculine energy, he will feel that intimidation. I don't know if you've ever, if any of you are dating, but that's a really big issue or you're with your husband out to dinner. He's going to feel that intimidation because you're in your masculine energy. It's very uncomfortable for him. Men want to feel like men. One men want to feel needed. One thing I will tell you that Valerie does when she

[00:35:28] comes home from the hospital, you know, she's a standardized patient. When she comes home, the first thing she does, and I've shown her how to do this, is put your head right here on my shoulder and give me a hug for seven seconds. Everybody write that down. Seven second hug. Something magical happens on the seventh second where suddenly I'm holding her and then I can feel

[00:35:53] her head just sink into my shoulder. That does both at the same time. That puts her into that vulnerability, that feminine energy, and I feel like a man. That makes me feel like a man. Like, I've got this and I've got her and everything's going to be great. That is what men and women can do to feed into each other. If I can feel she's in her masculine energy when she gets home, I say,

[00:36:18] come here, can I have a hug? So I don't say, give me a hug. I say, can I have one? She says, okay. I take her head and put it on my shoulder, give her a seven second hug, and suddenly she's right back into her feminine energy. We have this unspoken polarity, and that is a tool that you can use to stay in your feminine energy. I want to add on to that. Did you know that when you hug, and what's

[00:36:46] funny is I think I might've learned the seven second from you, and then I did research around it, that your heart will start actually beating with the other heart if you stay connected for 30 seconds. So my poor husband has to hug me for 30 seconds. I'm like, don't you dare, you know, pull away from me. And then, so he doesn't even get seven. He's like, finally at the end, he's patting my back. Like, it's okay, Ellie. It's okay.

[00:37:15] Now, Karen asked another question, which is, I want to answer this first. She said, how do we sell from the stage with both men and women in the crowd? Because that's an excellent question. Let me tell you, number one, you have to connect with the women in the room with telling a story, kind of like I did in the beginning. I wanted you to know who I am, that I can connect and bond with you. Because women don't care about your medals, your title,

[00:37:41] your achievement. You guys don't care that I was CEO of a public company for 16 years. You don't care about is I'm a really good dad. I'm a really good husband. Let me tell you a little bit about who I am. I'm a horse lover. If you can connect and bond with me first, then if I'm on stage, I have to deal with the men with logic. What is the logical reason

[00:38:07] of what I'm trying to explain? So I can balance those two of being human, not about my achievements, but more about my connections. Because on Venus, all you really care about is your relationships. And I want to build a relationship with each one of you. That has nothing to do with the logical approach that I can deal with men. I have to do both of these, Karen, from the stage.

[00:38:33] At the same time, I can bounce back and forth. It was easier in Saudi because all the women were on one side of the room and all the men were on the other side. So I could look over here and bond and then look over here and get logical. You know, in the U.S., we're, you know, all in the same group. So it was a lot easier because I didn't realize they're going to sit in different parts of the auditorium. It was very interesting to me. So did that answer your question, Karen?

[00:38:59] Rich, you also said when you're addressing men and women on a stage or in a room, a boardroom, or in a meeting, you say that men want to be appreciated. Yeah. Men want to be appreciated. Tell more about that because I think that that's, and then women on the other side, just share more with that. Well, first of all, the first thing that men want, and just out of curiosity, can I ask how

[00:39:29] many are married or in a relationship? Okay. So almost everybody. Okay. If you're in a relationship, I think it's really important to understand how, what makes him feel really good in a relationship. And the first thing he wants is trust before appreciation is trust. That's the number one thing that he wants is to feel trusted. And I would write that word down because every time you tell a

[00:39:56] man what he should or shouldn't do, he doesn't feel trusted. I don't know why, but one of the biggest irritating things for me is when Val and I are going somewhere, we pull into a parking lot. She tells me where to park. You're laughing, Karen, but that bothers me. And I've said that to her. Why do you, because I don't feel trusted to find a spot. It might be a stupid little thing,

[00:40:22] but to me as a man, it's like, you don't trust me to find a spot. I've never been in the car with a man who said you should park there ever. Men have never told me that only my wife. I've said, and, and, and, and the one thing that is missing is trust. So that's a big thing. Yes. Men want to feel appreciated. Women want to feel supported. They want to feel understood. Do it. That's the two things I've learned to get closer to my wife is the two H's hug and heard.

[00:40:54] I want, I want to give her hugs and I want her to feel heard. And by being heard, I mean, oh, I understand how you feel that way. I didn't understand how you feel that way, but now I do. Thank you for sharing that because the problem we have between men and women is understanding terms. I've said to so many men that a woman says to me, I don't feel supported. So I say to the man,

[00:41:18] do you support her? He said, of course I do. I go to work every day. I pay the bills I support. And she, you're all laughing because that's not what she's talking about. And he doesn't get that. So many times my coaching sessions around literally defining terms, that is not the word support to her. And he's like, well, what do you mean? Of course it is. No support is not paying the bills.

[00:41:44] Supporting is understanding her because a lot of women say the biggest complaint women have about men. Does anybody know what it is? Put it in the chat. If you know what it is, what's the biggest complaint that women have about men? Put it in the chat. What do you think? Oh, perfect. Tammy. Good job. They don't listen. And I'm going to tell you something. That's actually

[00:42:11] not true. They do listen, but they don't hear. Tammy. If I say to a man, did you hear her? Do you, did you listen to her? Of course I listen. I could repeat everything she actually just said. I could repeat it, but he didn't really understand you. So it's not that we don't listen. Listen, it's, we don't understand you. We don't know what's going on underneath that.

[00:42:37] We don't really get into what do you mean by what you said? How do you feel about what you understood? This is the problem, which by the way, if I turn that around, anybody know what's the biggest complaint men have about women? Let me see it go into the chat. Anybody biggest complaint men have about, they talk too much. No, that's a good one, but that's not the number one. The number one complaint men have about women is no matter what I do, she's not happy.

[00:43:07] No matter what I do, she's not happy. And that's just not true because you're not happy with this doesn't mean you're not happy. All right. Your next level is waiting. Thanks for tuning in. This is amazing. What we're doing right now. Relaunch into a rich life. If today's episode

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