How To Remove Energy Drains And Create Relationships That Elevate Your Life

[00:00:00] We actually start to make our first impression before you are cognitively aware it's even happening. When you are tuning into a different frequency, it allows you to be at a higher level so that you can observe. A lift relationship is one where after you spend time with that person, you feel more like your true self. And then a limit relationship is the opposite.

[00:00:27] And after you interact with them, you sometimes feel drained, anxious, like you're constantly walking on eggshells. The same person can be lift or limit depending on where you are. Sometimes a body indication that there's something off. Your body is always trying to give you some indication of your internal wisdom and you need to acknowledge it.

[00:00:53] This is Lift, Don't Limit, Creating Relationships That Actually Fuel You. So here we are in terms of when you think about really at the beginning here of the month, when we're coming up with a topic,

[00:01:16] this one is about really forcing powerful relationships and eliminating the ones that are limiting you. So it needs to lift you, have that energy, have it expand you. Or if it's limiting you, you know it's draining you, it's shrinking you. And most importantly here, a lot of times you start to doubt yourself.

[00:01:42] We're going to be dealing a lot with 3HQ, Head, Heart, Highest Self. Again, Highest Self, best version of you. This is when you're in alignment. This is when you're in flow. You're going to have a five-day connection. It's called the Connection Lift Challenge. You're going to be tuning in. We always are going to like kind of do a twist on the tune in.

[00:02:07] So you just keep getting more and more and more and more advanced in your tune in experience. Okay. So it doesn't matter if you are brand new, just starting out, or if you have... I just tuned in with a gentleman that's about to exit a billion-dollar company. It doesn't matter. You all have the ability to leverage this. I leverage it with my team. I leveraged it.

[00:02:34] My God, I think I did almost an hour worth of a tune-in process this morning with the team. So what I really want you to be doing is think of magnetic connections. And I did a post the other day, speaking of posts, that said, you know, we do all this business plan at the beginning of the year. But do we ever do a relationship plan? Do we?

[00:03:00] And great story around this woman at a restaurant, older, older, very old lady, actually very cute. And a friend of mine was sitting there and the waitress was saying, oh yeah, you know, I've been married for, I think it was like almost 60 years. And my friend said, well, what's the secret? She said, January. My friend's like, January, what does that even mean?

[00:03:23] I mean, January, every January, she said, my husband and I go to therapy for the entire month, once a week. And that resets, resets the relationship. I thought, brilliant. God, I love that. I do. Now, I don't actually take my poor E to therapy, but I do on our hikes, on our walk. I bring this back in.

[00:03:51] And January is an amazing, amazing reset for that. So I want you to really understand this whole idea of magnetic connections. Because here's the thing. I want you to deepen your bones that you are not going to be chasing anyone. Because if you are, there's an energetic misbalance. Put that down, an energetic misbalance. If you're going and going and trying and trying, and it's not happening,

[00:04:18] and that you're having to convince, you're having to do a little performance, you're having to do something that just feels off, we have to be trusting. We have to be looking at, again, for those people pleasers out there, I know who you are. This is a big one. And there always has to be, to have a really great relationship in business

[00:04:45] and in your personal life, it's got to be the give and the take. If it's ever one-sided, you got to be asking yourself, why are we still doing this? Or what do you need to continue? Super important. Okay? So I want you to be raising your vibration this month. I want you to be thinking about energy, about what you're bringing into it, about somebody who comes in to your environment

[00:05:15] and just being able to automatically lean in and say, that person elevates. That person drains. Right? It's like the pendulum. Like, poo, poo. Is it going off to the right? So you got the full tank or is it going off to the left? It's empty. Honestly, this will become automatic for you. But initially, you have to really be thinking about. Okay?

[00:05:41] I want you to be thinking, who are you naturally drawn to? And there is a great example. And funny, it just came to me. It's actually a few people that are going to be listening to this need to hear this. First, first impression. Right? And we actually start to make our first impression

[00:06:08] before you are cognitively aware it's even happening. The whole thing takes about seven seconds. You already are putting it through your filter and deciding what's wrong with them. What's wrong with them? And so what I want you to be thinking about is as you start to feel kind of that negative pull of someone, I want you to stop and pause. You've heard it in my book many, many times. The pause principle.

[00:06:37] I just want you to pause and say, why? Why? Sometimes it's because the person is actually pushing you on something that you don't like about yourself. Think about that. Sometimes that they irritate you. You don't even know why. They want you to think, what is it exactly that irritates me?

[00:07:04] And ask yourself, do you do that? Did you used to do that? Have you gotten over that? But I want you to start pushing. I want you to start connecting with your wise woman highest self and start to evaluate why people make you feel the way they do. Why does a business associate make you kind of feel like the heebie-jeebies? They're like, I just don't like him. Why?

[00:07:34] Because a lot of times there is a reason, there is a training ground for you to learn. And I have often said, and in my book, I've been thinking about my book a lot lately. I had a business situation where I didn't trust. I didn't trust, but I knew I didn't like the guy. And later I learned why. And I want you to know that had I done this exercise of just really leaning in instead of

[00:08:04] ignoring it, instead of just shutting the door and moving on, it would have allowed me to come to terms with how I felt about this person a lot sooner. And I want you to start to have that self-reflection. We heard about self-harmony, self-reflection. Okay.

[00:08:26] So I want you, when you tune into the frequency that the person has, I also want you to be aware that you have the ability to tune into a different frequency by tuning in, by elevating yourself, by realizing like, damn, that person is just taking every ounce of me and sucking me dry.

[00:08:50] When you, again, are tuning into a different frequency, it allows you to be at a higher level so that you can observe, observe. This is what we're going. You start when you're at a higher level. We talk law of resonance. You resonate with things differently, with what you're trying to attract.

[00:09:14] If you are still in the weeds, if you're still way down, energetically, you're going to be attracting more of that type of person. That's why this is so critical to get yourself out of it, to elevate yourself, because I know you do not want to be at that lower level, attracting more of that. You want to lift yourself up. Okay. So what is this lift relationship?

[00:09:43] Let's define what we're talking about. A lift relationship is one where after you spend time with that person, you feel more like yourself, like your true self, like when you're energized, when you're, we've been talking about visibility, seen, inspired, maybe even like challenged, but in this good way, like you're being called up.

[00:10:10] And then a limit relationship is the opposite. And after you interact with them, you sometimes feel drained, anxious, like you're constantly walking on eggshells, right? I'm sure you know some of those people. So here's the thing. The same person can be lift or limit depending on where you are. How are you, Alison? Are you exhausted? Are you frustrated?

[00:10:38] And all of a sudden someone comes in, someone that you usually love and you are a raging bitch to the person, right? This is what I want you to be thinking about. Sometimes we can lift, but we can also limit. And I want you to realize many times you are the cause. You're the cause.

[00:11:04] How come, you know, most of the time I'm getting along so well and then you're not, well, think about where you are. However, I know if I have just gone and I did this last week on a big work trip and I'm busy, busy, and I didn't get home until really late on Friday night. We had a 60th birthday on Saturday. We had stuff going on in the day. On Sunday, my poor E, I don't think he could have done anything right because of how I was.

[00:11:32] I was wiped out. But if you're not thinking your state, you could be absolutely causing the problems. Okay. And what you're not realizing is that you're like, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, but actually they feel it too. They feel like they are. So I want you to be thinking about it. How do I say this and not make it?

[00:11:59] It's not like you're labeling people as good or bad, but you're labeling in awareness. In awareness. So I want you to close your eyes right now. Think about five people that in the last 24 hours you were surrounded by and jot down a plus or a minus. If you just think about the five people that you have been in contact in the last 24 hours

[00:12:26] and you put down David and you would give David, oh, I really like David. I'd give him a plus. I felt good. Brian. Ooh, he's a real, like lowers me. Oh, Julie. Kind of like feels like she's in a little bit of a negative and you can have friends, right? That go in and out.

[00:12:49] But you have to realize, I always want you to be thinking how in the last 24 hours have you surrounded yourself? Because here's the ticket to everything is if you do the quick assessment and you're like, you've got one, two, or three that have been negative for you. You need to tune in. You need to elevate yourself. This is why this exercise is so important. Okay.

[00:13:17] So when you're thinking about work people, if all of a sudden you're in a business meeting and you kind of look around and you just, you know, write their initials and you're like plus, plus, minus, it gives you a sense of where are you going? How are you flowing? And I want you to immediately take that as if you're, hey, these are five awesome, like this was a really great meeting. Great. I want you to be thinking about outcomes too.

[00:13:46] It's amazing that especially in business. And if there's only three in the meeting, do it with a three. There's only two in the meeting, do it with a two. Get into a habit of constantly plus, minus, plus, minus. Again, no judgment, no judgment that that person who's usually always happy came in today. But it also gives you awareness that you now could go to that person and be like, hey, are you okay? Something's off, right?

[00:14:11] How great would that be if you did that with somebody you work with versus just not even being observant and oh, they're in a crappy mood, but they're never in a crappy mood. Something has happened. Does that make sense? Make sense for you? Can you think of somebody that's doing that? Okay. All right. Hilary, what do you mean focus on outcomes? What does that mean? Yeah.

[00:14:39] So at the end of a meeting that you've been in, I would even say like you could do this right now. There are people that on, I just lost you, Ali. Where'd you go? There you are. After a meeting, you could literally say, just look at people's faces right now on this meeting, right? All of a sudden, we're starting to be like, wait, somebody is observing me, calling me out. Heck yeah. I'm going to smile. Yeah. Oh, I'm great. I'm great.

[00:15:09] But Ali, let's say that this is a work meeting and you're doing your plus minus. And when you notice that you're more in the negative, there's more negative, your outcome, what's coming out of that meeting is not nearly as good as when you have the pluses. So a lot of times as CEOs, as founders, as leaders, we have to all of a sudden step in and say, this is a litmus test.

[00:15:38] Something's not off. We're not going to get the best of this meeting. We're not going to get the outcome that I want. And you need to shift it. You personally need to shift it. And the way I do it, if you can't necessarily call out and say, Judy, is everything okay? Because nobody wants to be called out in that capacity or you're really going to tank your meeting. What you can do is try to come up with a win. Try to think of something that the team could do very quickly that would change perspective.

[00:16:08] All right. So a great example would be, Judy, you are on a call and you're talking policies and you're seeing everybody is in just the worst mood. Nobody's really interested. They're all arguing. You at that point could think what has been a positive that this group has done? What has been an outcome that was good?

[00:16:37] And say a reference to it. Do you remember when we did that? I'd like to go back to that because how did we get to that point of success? What were the steps there? You bring it back to something that levels you up in or, and it can be so simple. You have no idea. You don't have to go into like, oh my God, the huge, you know, it could be as simple as,

[00:17:02] do you remember last week when we said that this number that we were tracking increased? Remember? And that was, you know, really great, Jackie, that you brought that to our attention. That was great. Okay. I'd like to see how do we, how do we transfer what happened there to this? Already they're looking at it differently. They've changed their perspective. They've changed. And you have changed the possible outcome of this meeting.

[00:17:27] But if you're not consciously aware of what's happening here within this group, within this meeting, we leave it to chance. And we're like, God, that was a terrible meeting. This person was in such a terrible mood. He sabotaged, she sabotaged the whole meeting. You have to, as a leader, take over.

[00:17:51] However, you have to be very aware, especially if you are leading the call of what's going on, the dynamics of individuals. And if you start to see the pendulum sliding, especially sliding to the left, we don't mind when things are going great, but sliding to the left, that's where you have to change it. Okay. You guys are going to be like, wow. When you start to really focus on this, you're going to be like, okay, okay. I get this. Okay.

[00:18:20] So then we're going to, let me see. I've already hit that one. Okay. So I am going to kind of jump ahead with this. Okay. So here is one that I also like to do. Where do you feel it in your body? You hear me a lot. Sometimes it's just a body indication that there's something off. Right.

[00:18:49] Maybe it's your chest. Maybe it's that left shoulder. Maybe it's your neck. Maybe it's your stomach. Your body always knows. Your body is always trying to give you some indication of your internal wisdom. And you need to acknowledge it, acknowledge it. Because otherwise what happens? You keep rolling through the day. And all of a sudden you're like, that was the crappiest day ever. God, I'm just so glad this day is over.

[00:19:20] We can't go there because what you've just done is you've set in process additional negativity coming your way. We have to break the cycle. And that's how you do it as a leader. So, you know, 3HQ. Head, heart, highest self. Think of yourself as having one, again, one headquarters within you. And you've got your three different departments.

[00:19:50] You've got your head department, your heart department, and your highest self. Right? Head, you got your thoughts. You got your limiting beliefs. You've got, you know, kind of like anything around problem solving, things like that. This is where decisions are living. Then you got your heart. This is your emotional center. You've got emotional blocks there as well. This is where you know when something is feeling a little off.

[00:20:19] It's not like a heck yes. It's like, ugh, something's pulling you down. And then highest self department is the energy. And this is what we're talking about today. It's the vibrational frequency. Okay? So when any one of your departments is offline, think about it. If your sales department isn't working, they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing, what happens to the company? Same thing happens in 3HQ. Okay?

[00:20:46] And you can't just like pretend. You have to really be connected with your highest self. Really be connected and be listening. So that when you're kind of feeling like you're a little bit trapped, how many times do people say, ugh, like I'm just feeling really, really, really stuck. What we have to be able to do is say, where do you think you're feeling stuck? Is it your head? Is it your heart? Is it your highest self?

[00:21:16] Where? Because I want you to be able to break down. This is all coming back to being magnetic. And then if you do this and we can start to see 3HQing your relationships, this is how you really start to shift away from, oh my God, that department, that head department, right? Oh my gosh. I'm just so in my head. Your head is running your stories. It's about like what kind of relationship. I've never had a good relationship with this person.

[00:21:45] And trust me, I have used this with clients that they have literally had a hate-filled relationship with somebody. And turning it around and saying, what if your challenge for today is to make that person your best friend? What would you do? You're like, but I don't want them as my best friend. Well, how would it change you though?

[00:22:14] That gets you into, okay, I am now making something different. And as soon as you do that, it is incredible how they start to react towards you as well, right? So one of the things, when your head department is overloaded, you're overthinking, you're spinning, you're pushing. It sounds a lot like, ugh, you know, this is just too much. Ugh, you know, can I really do this? This feels really heavy.

[00:22:44] Nothing's going right. And there's one that I heard yesterday. You know, I seem to attract all narcissists. I'm like, oh my God, can we just stop, please? Really? I need you to start thinking about the boundaries because if we can't say, and your boundaries have to be really present. And I've already given you ways to be able to

[00:23:12] kind of start to access your own boundaries. Just the plus, the minuses, just these little things is already putting you in a place. And when your head department is aligned, it sounds like, okay, I got it. Yeah, this person is just trying to, you know, sabotage this whole thing. But here's what I'm doing. Here's what I'm going to, you know, be able to put out. Many times it's not our meeting.

[00:23:41] Somebody else's meeting. And you see that it's like going down and people are like, oh my God, you could just see everyone's face. How can you bring it back? How can you sit there and help with attracting these aligned relationships? Right? And a lot of times, here it is, when you're sitting there and you're saying, oh my God, this is terrible. What are you putting? You're putting a dark cloud over the meeting. Right?

[00:24:10] You're saying, all right, this is what's happening. And you are adding to it. We can't have that. We need to have you choose a new story. And that's where I need you to be practicing. And here's what I want to do. I want to actually go into a short one. Do you have a pen or something you can write with? There are three prompts. And I want you to write fast when I say it. No overthinking. Okay? Prompt one.

[00:24:40] I'm reliving this pattern. What is a pattern that you're going through over and over? Maybe think of that person. Maybe think of a person that you just automatically go into it. You just go right to that pattern. And this is that whole idea I talk a lot about. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

[00:25:08] You have to be aware of it to be able to be done with it. But I want you to write it down. Okay? This is prompt number two. These are fast. Don't be putting too much down. You can go back later. The belief, think about this. You put down the pattern. What do you think is the limiting belief under there? What do you think is the limiting belief?

[00:25:33] What do you believe about the story? That you're allowing your pattern to stay alive. What would that be? Who wants to take their first two through? Who wants to? Desi. Excellent.

[00:26:04] Okay. Yes. Okay. Pattern. What is it? Wavering. Wavering. What's the belief underneath? Unsure. Lack of clarity and confidence. Beautiful. So now she is aware that this is kind of coming up for her. Now I want you to sit there and say, okay, what would a new story be? You already know it. This is the best part.

[00:26:31] So many times you, you already understand what's going on. You just need to be reminded of what's going on. So for you, Desi, what would the next part be? Now rewrite it. I am choosing the relationship with actually this. What could you say? I am choosing to be confident.

[00:26:58] I am choosing to be decisive and to have a knowing. Beautiful. So I want you to think of somebody in your life that you could practice this specifically with. Not necessarily, you're not saying, hey, you want to work on this together. This is you coming up with this on your own. Do you have somebody in mind? Yes.

[00:27:28] Okay. So now I want you to think about the pattern that you have with this person. Tell me when you have it. Yep, I have it. Okay. Then I want you to think about the belief underneath with that person. Okay. Is it a hundred percent factual? No. No, but it is to you. You're right. No, but it is to you because our beliefs are a hundred percent factual to us.

[00:28:01] We always believe our beliefs are a hundred percent true. So when you start to say, wow, what is the pattern that's going on here with this individual, with this person? And then you say, hi, I wonder what the belief is about that. You're already doing what I call the snow globe. You're already mixing it up where you're, you're like, what the heck? What am I doing?

[00:28:29] It's already not making sense to me. This is where all of a sudden you get to be able to. All right. I'm going to do a relaunch flip and I'm going to change that story. And you're going to create a new story. Makes sense. Makes total sense. Thank you. Okay. So here is something that I want you to do. What you just did was rewiring already.

[00:28:56] You were already creating these neuro transmitters to go out and redo something. And I want to tell you, you know, you can do it with your heart as well. So when you start to look at your heart, let me change the slide. I'm already doing a lot here. I want you to be thinking about your heart is trying so desperately to give you a feeling of what's going on.

[00:29:23] And the heart department is where real, like genuine, your authentic feelings live. Your identity is like the feelings around that. So when you know you're being an absolute, you know, nasty person to somebody, you feel it inside of you. You don't feel good about it, right? You constantly are like, ah, so you're giving from this place of feeling empty.

[00:29:53] Like you're like, I don't even like who I am when I'm acting like this. People pleasing. You stay so busy that you don't even have like the time to even be like understanding, like how is this impacting you? Worrying. How many of us worry about stuff that isn't even happening, but we're creating the stories around that.

[00:30:21] Now think about the, now yeah, Ali's raising her hand. Now think about people in your life that trigger you to feel that sense of like, I'm not, I'm not enough. I'm, I'm, I need to keep doing more. So here's the thing. The heart doesn't lie, but are you listening?

[00:30:45] And you can do the same thing with people as they're coming into your world and be able to say, this is working for me. This isn't. You got to honor your heart. Okay. And then as we move into highest self, highest self, your energy vibrational frequency is at like high level. But all of a sudden you have somebody coming into your world and you're like, it's just a constant drain.

[00:31:15] And the more you spend time with them, the more they take you down. You are allowing your personal power to be given away. You are allowing circumstances, external circumstances. I have heard so many people say I'm having the crappiest day.

[00:31:40] And my thought is, you know what you are, and you will until you go to bed because it is a self fulfilling prophecy. So when you already know, I'm going into a meeting with this person. You look at your calendar and you're like, I got four meetings on my calendar today that just suck.

[00:32:09] Self-prophesizing. Instead, looking at those, looking at the relationship, looking at the person, looking at the outcome. Yeah. Yeah, that person really gets you in a bad sense, really brings you down. But what's the outcome? What would be something? Tuning in and saying, oh my gosh, this is what I want from this experience.

[00:32:35] And what would happen with your highest self, with your magnetic frequency? Understand that everything is energy. Every single thing, your thoughts, your words, everything. So when you sit there and give into a person or a circumstance or a day that you're like,

[00:33:02] this day is terrible, then darn if you're not going to keep getting that. And guess what happens? You start to then, you're not really ending your day. It was just a terrible day. I just want to go to sleep. What is your brain thinking about during the night? What a crappy day that was. If you don't reset, if you don't see something on your calendar tomorrow that you can be grateful for, right?

[00:33:30] Because you can't have gratitude the same time that you're feeling like, I feel like crap. Can't do it. It's not physically possible. We need to change the game here. We need to make sure that you are in control. You. Okay. So tune in again, keep tuning in.

[00:33:56] I can't remember if last month I shared, but each one of the levels of tune in. The first step releases dopamine. Second step releases oxytocin. Third step releases serotonin. Fourth step releases endorphins. Wow. I've given you a two minute that can change your state immediately and flood yourself with happy hormones.

[00:34:25] You have to be tuning in, right? Again, if you think about the tune in process, what you need to be thinking all the time, what's your intention? You're about to go see someone. Oh my God, they come running at you or they come up to you at a restaurant. Huh? You just observe. You observe. Oh, so good to see you. Wow. I feel like crap inside when I see this person. Why?

[00:34:53] Ah, you just have to be really aware. Aware. That's what I want for you this month. Aware. Awareness. Okay? Then you go change the channel. How do you do it? A song. Maybe you have a song for just this month on relationships. Maybe this is what you're going to be like singing to yourself. Then you're looking at always how fast can you create in your mind, even as you're talking

[00:35:23] to someone, even as you're on a Zoom, even as you're in an interview and somebody's throwing you a curveball. Correct. Correct. Correct. You can self-correct on the fly. Okay? And then the micropop is always something that you can do within two minutes. Not a big, long thing. It's just something very fast. And then what are you going to do? Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Okay? And how do you celebrate?

[00:35:51] How you celebrate is everything. Do you know how to celebrate? Right? It's the high five. It's the, yes, it's the little dance move. You are in control. When I'm feeling in a funk, I'll literally look around and I'll be like, okay, let me find one thing. Let me find one. My desk right now is super clean. Yes.

[00:36:21] Like, yes. I have this adorable mug that when I drink hot, hot, hot coffee, thank you, Shannon. It turns into, instead of a dress, it says it was never a dress, turns into a cape. Yes. Like, how did I just make that into a positive? I just made it in because I can do whatever the heck I want. It's my head. It's my head. Okay? Okay?

[00:36:49] So I want you to, in the upcoming days, I want you to absolutely pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention. Because when you stop paying attention, you're giving up your own personal power.

[00:37:11] You're giving yourself this excuse to have more and more things just happen to you. Right? Making sense? Making sense?

[00:37:53] Making sense? You didn't have clarity before. Just saying it out loud. Oxytocin, love drug. But you know what it really is doing with your song? It's connecting you with memories. It's connecting you. It has this, like, bonding. You got the serotonin, the happiness. Like, happiness. Think about each one of these every single day. So I sit here and I'm like, God, endorphins. Can't go out and do some exercise today?

[00:38:23] Tune in. Tune in. It's the greatest thing that you can be doing for yourself. And you got these, you know, paths. You got limiting, lifting, limiting. I notice, I feel, I'm choosing. Be all in. Be all in on all of this because this is where you take control. Okay? You take control.

[00:38:50] I notice, I feel, I'm choosing. Write those three words down. I notice, I feel, I'm choosing. So do you understand how this is 3HQ? I notice, I notice thoughts, your head. I feel, heart. And I'm choosing because that's your best version of you. I'm choosing to now do this. I'm choosing to now do this.

[00:39:20] All right. Your next level is waiting. Thanks for tuning in. This is amazing what we're doing right now. Relaunch into a rich life. If today's episode sparks something in you, don't keep it to yourself. Please share it. I'll tell you more later about how that actually helps you have more success yourself. Subscribe so you don't miss one episode.

[00:39:50] Let's create unstoppable momentum together. So until next time, keep relaunching, keep rising. And remember, it's go time. We'll be back with you.