Who Are You Becoming Because You Love Your Pet?

Hello, darling. Before we begin, I am so excited

to tell you today I have someone super special, my middle son

Joe, with me and my lad. He's an actor, director, writer, and

photojournalist in L.A. and he's the dad to his black kitty and

player. Would you like to say hello?

Josef “Joe” Akira: She came to say hello too.

Oh, hi, baby. Hi, hi, hi,

Josef “Joe” Akira: love.

Hi, I love her emerald green eyes.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Yeah, I'm hoping she'll just stay in my

lap, but we probably have five minutes before she comes

on. That's okay. Thanks for coming, Ayla.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Yeah, she came right in time.

So lovely to see you. So, for somebody who's never met

Aela, how would you describe her?

Josef “Joe” Akira: Well, Ayla, she's really sweet and she loves

people. Like I just had um, I just used my apartment for a

base camp for a short film, and there was probably like 15 to 20

people that came through, and I had to like section off my my

back part of my studio, and she was scratching the whole time

because she just wants pets. She wants to meet people. Really,

just very social. She doesn't like other cats, but she likes

people.

Yeah, she's the star of the show all the time. She

Josef “Joe” Akira: runs this studio. This is not my studio.

How did you two find each other?

Josef “Joe” Akira: It happened during COVID. Must have happened

within two or three months of COVID. I was seeing this girl.

She told me about some cats. Or no, I think she just invited me

to her friend's place because they were like her friend had a

pool, and then I actually brought Emilio. And then it

turned out that the owner of the house had a litter of kittens

that were just running around everywhere. And then a

conversation happened, and then I picked one up. It was Ayla.

She bit me and scratched me, and I was like, "This is this is the

one. And then I think two two weeks later, because they had to

be weaned by the mom, I believe, for a little bit longer. I had

to wait for that period to end, and I went and grabbed her, and

then six years later, she's still here.

Time flies. It's been six years. Wow.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Yeah, I think it was June or July of 2020 when

I got her, yeah.

Um, what did you think you were getting when

Ayala came into your life, and what did you actually get?

Josef “Joe” Akira: Um, I thought I was going to get a cute little

kitty cat that wanted to sit next to me, be on my lap all the

time, and then I got a cat who had her own personality and does

not do what I want.

So, did you understand her right away, or

did you have to learn how to be with her?

Josef “Joe” Akira: I think because I got her as a kitten,

it was kind of easy to train her. Again, super playful, is

super sweet. Everyone loved her, you know. And then, eventually,

she really learned my personality and came into her

own personality. So, whenever she wants anything, she just

screams, pees on my stuff, or throws up on my stuff, and then

she gets what she wants.

So that's the way she's telling you, or she's

communicating with you.

Josef “Joe” Akira: She's super smart because I've been gone a

lot for this short film. She's been peeing and doing stuff a

lot more lately, and I just had to like just eventually realize

that she's a cat. She can't speak. There's there's stuff

that she's annoyed at. Like maybe I didn't pick up her

letterbox, you know. So like within the last six years, it

really showed me like, hey, like she's not just doing this stuff

just to do it. Like she is being a brat some of the times, but a

lot of the times she has like an actual reason. Either I forgot

to feed her, I didn't give her enough attention, or the

letterbox. But yeah, she's very, very intelligent.

I think. Well, as you know, I have you know four mana

and Hokusoda and Haru, and each of them have their own like

unique way communicating with me or telling me what they want or

what's going on with them. Other people may, you know, get mad or

look look at just you know what's going on. Oh my gosh, she

peed, or oh my gosh, you know the little box is just a mess.

Where you came in and understanding. Okay, wait a

minute. This is the way she is. You know. Me something, you

know. She's communicating with me, and I think that's

wonderful. Took years,

Josef “Joe” Akira: especially when I'm in production. I'm

stressed. I just immediately go into. She's just, you know,

doing it, and it's annoying.

But

Josef “Joe” Akira: then a few hours, a couple days, I then I

realized, oh, it was it was that, but definitely took a long

time to get there. Right, it's not easy, as you know, with

a cat. Of course, how does she show you affection? Her

affection just with you,

Josef “Joe” Akira: only when she wants food. Her her sign of

affection is waking me up at six a.m. meowing. I don't follow up

by 630 meowing. Meowing. But there there are a few times

where she'll just come up and try to not snuggle or show want

affection. But really, it's funny what she does when I'm

like, let's say I was gone 6p.m. to six a.m2. nights this

weekend. She'll just ignore me and just like kind of do a lot

of this kind of stuff, and then I'll just like I'll like grab

her and just like hold her, and then she'll like me out for like

two seconds, and then just melt into my arms. Yeah, you just

wanted attention, and you just didn't want to say that you

wanted attention. You wanted me to pick you up, forcefully grab

you, hug you, and then you wanted to try to fight it off.

But you, her fighting off, was not fighting off. You know.

Yeah, she's making sure you know how much she

missed you, in her sassy way,

Josef “Joe” Akira: or she's just like, "I don't want you to do

this, but I want it.

She's such a queen. So, was there anything about her

that you initially wished were different, but eventually

realized was simply part of who she is. You already, you know,

talked a little bit about that, but tell me more about that.

Josef “Joe” Akira: I want, I want a lap cat. The other kid in

my head would just literally just sit on my lap for hours,

and then I would be like, "All right, my legs sleep. I don't

have to have to move it. I get maybe five seconds with her in

my laptop. She's a zoop and she's off. But again, that's her

personality. Can't change it, and I wouldn't change

it. Has she ever made you confront your own

expectations?

Josef “Joe” Akira: I can't have expectations with her because

she is so herself that I have to, you know, just like I can't

expect anything from her. She's a cat and she has her own

personality, so I've like kind of thrown away expectations. If

I get cuddles with her for five seconds or a minute, I get it.

If not, cool, moving on. If I'm um really tired and I have a fit

away, I do expect cuddles. But you know, I'm gonna hug her for

as long as she will let me, and then I'll let her go. Sometimes

a little longer.

I. It sounds like you accept her as she is. Something

I've been thinking about while creating this show is how easily

it is to confuse loving someone with knowing what's best for

them, or wanting them to behave in the way that makes the

relationship easier for us. What happens when the being you love

simply refuses to cooperate with your version of who they are

supposed to be? When you think about who you were before I left

and who you are now,

Josef “Joe” Akira: I would say the two major things that have

changed me in the last few years is one, her definitely like

having to be responsible for her, making sure like I used to

go out so much and not have to come back around dinner time to

feed her, you know, or I could sleep over, you know, and be all

out all night, and then like not have to worry about feeding her

by eight a.m. you know. So having that and like traveling,

obviously, then I'm like, as you know, like when you're

traveling, your pets are all in the back of your mind, you know.

So I think that kind of helped me mature into a person who had

a little bit more discipline and responsibility, and then doing

martial arts, which was my number two thing that has really

helped mold me into the person I am today, because I did train a

lot of different types of people, people with egos, people

who are scared of martial. People who were too excited

about doing martial arts, and my and it's 100% all the

philosophies that my guru Danon Asanto has given me. But you you

just can't change anyone. People need to change for themselves,

and you trying to change them is just going to be an obstacle.

You're just going to butt heads, or you won't butt heads. But I

think that she also kind of adapts to my where I'm at

physiologically and emotionally, and then like kind of adapts

just like the way I adapt with her, you know, which is really

cool.

Over the years, you know, you've been with her, you

know, six years, learning about each other, accepting who she

is, and she accepting, you know, who you are, and I think she she

knows that okay, Dad has been filming; he needs to sleep, like

when we lost, you know, our co. Your brother Mana tuned into my

emotions so much that you know Mana got sick, and she was

emotionally, you know, all over the place. But that was what I

was going through, reflecting onto Mana because we are so

tuned in with each other.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Yeah, and pets definitely reflect their

owners' personalities for sure. Every every one of my friends

who have pets, their their dog or their cat has a little bit of

them in it, you know. And the sassiness probably comes from

me.

Yeah, I remember when you got Aela; she became your

priority. Not that like she changed who you are, but you

expanded yourself by you know having Aela.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Once you have a life form that's dependent on

you to feed it, water it, you know, clean up after

it.

Josef “Joe” Akira: You either got to step up or you don't.

So there is another reason I wanted to have this

particular conversation with you. You've kind of always been

very much your own person, and but as your mom loving you has

also asked me to expand, to let you become you, rather than

holding too tightly to some picture or vision of who I

thought my son would become. So I have one question that I've

been waiting to ask you. Who do you think you are becoming

because you love Isla?

Josef “Joe” Akira: Um. Yeah, I don't. I don't know how to

answer that. No, that's okay. So busy that like I don't even

think about things or how I'm changing. I kind of just things

need to happen, and I just do them. And that's like what Ayla

taught me. Like, oh, am I annoyed that I have to wake up

at seven or eight to feed her? Who cares what I what I feel? I

have to do it, so just get get the hell up, you know, and feed

her. You know, oh, maybe I want to stay over at this person's

house way longer, or in the or in the morning, and then have

lunch. But no, I have to head home at eight a.m. to feed my

cat. You know, I was gonna say, like as a mom, you already know,

like once there are responsibilities, your wants and

needs no longer matter, and you just have to do and and do it.

You know, and that's the biggest biggest lesson I learned with

her.

Before show came along, you being the youngest,

you were the baby of the family, and you know over the years. I'm

just really, really proud of you, the man you have become.

You always kind of being true to yourself. I know that, but you

found your passion. You found your dream, and you got into

martial arts. You know which is part of our background, part of

our tradition culture, and you learned so much of the principle

behind that. And then you found your love in filming, directing,

acting, but I have watched you expand yourself, staying true to

yourself, always going forward, you know, towards what you

believe, what you're passionate about, what you love. The most

and watching my baby expand in that way-it's you inspire me,

you encourage me to keep going, and I'm just so so proud of you.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Yeah, I think like it wasn't only Ayla, but

like being on my own since 18. Again, like you know, you don't

have time to figure stuff out. You got to pay rent. You got to

figure out your next move, and not. And I think lucky or

unlucky, not having that support system starting in 18, you know,

early just threw me into like, hey, like it's kind of all on

you. Everything that you do, every decision that you make

from now on, you actually feel the repercussions of it because

you're on your own, you know. And then that just expanded when

I got Ayla, you know, because then I not only had to offend

for myself, but I had to fend for two people, you know. And as

a single mom, like you freaking know that better than anyone,

right? So like I'm proud of you for dealing with three rebel,

troublesome kids growing up, you know. So yeah.

When you got Isla, I have to be, you know, completely

transparent, honest that I did worry that you have now, you

know, this little being that you're responsible for, and I

wasn't sure at the time that how you're gonna be able to, you

know, keep Aela, but you have you put her before you. Um, you

moved around a lot too, and you've been so busy with

multiple in different project, but you make choice every single

day to put her in front of you and make her priority, and she knows.

Josef “Joe” Akira: Yeah, one of my martial arts instructors told

me this recently. Like Joe, your heart has always been there.

You've always been that same person. It's just other people

couldn't see that, you know. But once people do realize that,

that's where that gold is. And now, because I'm not out there

partying, being a troublemaker, it's a lot easier to see that

side of me. But it's always been there, so I'm glad you get to

see that. And I guess when I got Ayla, that was more apparent to

you. But you know, he told me he's been making my, he's been

helping me validate myself because I've, I've always been

this person. You know, I've never not been a person with a

big heart who cared about other people, you know. Maybe

sometimes it was hidden, but it was always there, you know.

You always been that person with big heart, and that

reminded me that you know you talk about how Aela in the

mouths and get your attention. As a baby, you did that. You

were, you know, out of all your brothers, you are the one who

screamed for love, who screamed for attention, and you know, you

were always picked up by. I mean, even I think you are in

like first grade. You know, I still come to come to school to

pick you up, and you know, I pick you up because you wanted

me to, you know, hold you. And now, everything you do, your

short film, you tell the story. You're storyteller in everything

you do, and your love, your big heart does come through in all

of the project or work you do. So you always been that person.

Josef “Joe” Akira: And that's that's funny that you mentioned

me as a baby because that is definitely one of she definitely

reflects that. But I wish she would just want me to haul her

more. I would carry her as much as she wanted. She just asked.

But I think it's so sweet that you don't push

yourself onto her. Yes, you want more cuddles, you want lap cat,

but you know who she is, and you just accept that. Listening to

Joe makes me wonder, who are we becoming because we love our fur

babies? Not who are they becoming because of us, but who

are we becoming? Because we love this particular little soul, I

just want us to notice we may be surprised by what we discover.

Before we say goodbye, here is this week's little love message

from my love messages from your pet oracle. This week's card is,

I trust you. Sometimes love is simply making room for another

being to be exactly who they are, and trust in the

relationship that grows from here. Joe, thank you so much for

being here with me and Manna, and for sharing a little bit of

you and Aela with us. I love you so much.

Josef “Joe” Akira: You too,

mom. I love to hear what you and your fur baby

discovered together this week. Until then, take gentle care of

yourself and your precious one, because your happiness matters.