Why we put ourselves last | DFS 415

Welcome to Destined for Success. I'm your

host Jennifer Takagi, and I want to continue the conversation

thread like we had with Mo Cooper last week, where time

freedom is your best health is hiding in your calendar, and I

want to dive in a little bit deeper into why we put ourselves

last. Why isn't self care important? Why don't we

recognize our worth and make intentional choices that honor

the life that we're creating. I watched my mom and had

conversations with my mom around and about the idea of life as a

duty, and bless her heart, most of my mom's life she felt

everything was a sense of duty. Everything she did was a

requirement and a duty, and I remember having a pretty

in-depth conversation with our pastor one time about doing

things out of a sense of duty or out of a sense of love, out of a

sense of desire, and that just like kind of put me down this

you know little bunny trail of different ways I was living my

life out of duty and requirement versus like what I wanted to do

and how I wanted to show up, and I I watch friends of mine and

choices they make and how they live their life, and I'm like,

wowza! Like I don't know that I want to do it that way. And of

course, they look at mine and say the same thing, right?

Because we all have our our paths and our choices, But

oftentimes, the way we spend our time reflects what we believe we

deserve. The way we spend our time reflects what we believe we

deserve. I followed in my mother's footsteps, and I made a

lot of decisions out of a sense of duty. And I remember one time

my uncle was going to be in Texas, and I live in Oklahoma,

and he invited me to come spend a long weekend with him at his

mansion down in Texas on the lake, and I had been planning

for this for a while. And between when we made the plan

and when it came time for me to go, I had bought a little house,

and my parents were helping me get it fixed up because it

wasn't quite habitable when we bought the house. We, I mean, I

bought the house, but they helped me get it all squared

away. And my mom said, "You can't go. You have to stay and

work on this house. Like she was not going to let me take one

breather until I moved into that house. And it wasn't like it was

a problem with me living with my mom and dad for six weeks, like

that wasn't a big problem, but she was adamant. Like this was

hardcore. Like you have to do this, and I can remember calling

my uncle and saying I couldn't come, and he was less than

thrilled. But that was yet another lesson, another example

of how you have to live out of a sense of duty. You're not

allowed to go see your uncle who invited you down because you

have responsibility. So fast forward a number of years now.

I'm leaving the federal government, and a friend is

hosting a retirement party for a whole bunch of us who are all

leaving at the same time, and one of my colleagues in St.

Louis called and said, "Are you going to Kansas City to the

party? And I said, "No, I'm going to retire. I'm not going

to have any money. I can't do that. And she said, "We're never

all going to be together again, and it hit me like, what? I did

not believe that I deserved to be able to drive five and a half

hours to Kansas City in a car that I owned that's completely

reliable to drive up. I had points for a hotel, and I didn't

believe I deserved to be able to go and see all my colleagues and

friends, literally for one last time. I think I've seen one or

two of them since then, but never all together. I didn't

think I deserved it. So what are you not doing because you don't

think you deserve it?

I have a friend who was adamant that it was stupid if you were

ever going to hire a housekeeper because she could run the vacuum

and dust herself, and that's true. But how many hours a week

do you spend dusting and vacuuming, or does it not get

done at all, or do you work eight hours a day and then drive

home and then have to clean the house. Like, what are you

working for? Where's your money going? Like, how is this all

playing out? Do you deserve it? And what does deserve even mean?

I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, and I can say I probably

don't deserve most of what I have, most of the, you know,

bounty that has been bestowed on me. Some of it's from hard work,

some of it's from decisions, and some of it's being fortunate,

right place at the right time, circumstances. But do I deserve

it? I don't know. I don't know. But making decisions because I

don't deserve anything is very different, and that feels icky

and ugly, and I don't really want to play in that arena. I do

believe that we are all destined for more success than we ever

dreamed possible. I do believe that firmly. I believe that. But

when we choose to spend our time on this, that, or the other,

that can show us. That can be a reflection, like a mirror, on

what we believe we deserve. And if we decide we want to do

things differently, we want to show up differently. We don't

want to live every moment out of a sense of duty. Then we can

take small, consistent actions over time that are going to add

up to a shift, to a change. Now, I do believe with the energy

work that I do and the energy healing, it can happen

instantaneously. It's all about the intention. It's all about

the desire. Does something have to take months and months and

months? Sometimes, can something happen really quickly?

Absolutely. But it can feel overwhelming to look at the end

result and think, "Oh my gosh, how am I ever going to get

there? How am I ever going to make that change? How am I ever

going to get there? And that, my friend, is where my 12-minute

increments come into play. I can do this in 12 minutes. I

literally had a call with a friend today, and she said, "Oh,

I have all this I have to get done by the end of the day. And

I was like, "Girlfriend, it is 313. You have an hour and a

half. Get all of that done. Like if you just stop and do it,

you're gonna get it all done. But sometimes we get in our head

and we're like, "Oh, it's gonna take too long. Oh, it's gonna be

too hard. The more you tell yourself that story, the more

it's gonna happen. I have to do for everyone else, so I'm last.

I can't go to the gym because I've got to do this, that, or

the other. I have friends who've gone to the gym pretty much

every day after work for 3040, years because that's what they

deserve. They believe that their health and their fitness comes

first, or at least ahead of something else. So, what do you

deserve? I really encourage you to start making a list of all

the ways that you put yourself last and not first. We've talked

about how you have to put your oxygen mask on first. It's a

real thing. If you don't put yours on first, you can't help

someone else. If you don't put yourself first on your list, you

can't be there to support other people. To be helpful for other

people, to show up in the world the way you're meant to show up,

how you want to show up. So self care is critical, and Vivian

talked about that a couple of weeks ago. You have to take care

of yourself in so many ways. The more you put off taking care of

yourself, the more you put yourself last. It's going to

show up physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

And you're choosing yourself to be last all the time is going to

show up in very negative ways that you really do not want. So,

if you can take 12 intentional minutes to start doing for you,

you're going to start living a more aligned life. And I do

believe you are destined for more success than you ever

dreamed possible. I'm your host Jennifer Takagi, and I look

forward to connecting with you soon.